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Trying To Make My Dad Understand

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by H20, Mar 7, 2016.

  1. H20

    H20
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    I've technically come out to my dad before, but he lives in another state and we can only talk through the phone or email. The problem is every time we talk abut something he doesn't understand or whatever makes him uncomfortable, he switches the topic.

    I think he's okay with me being bi, but he hasn't actually said or done anything to make me think that he really supports me. Then with me being trans, he simply doesn't get it. He just thinks I'm a more dedicated tomboy. That's how our first conversation about this happened back in some weeks ago, but the last few days it's been bothering me.

    The other night I wrote him an email/letter, but it was long and I don't think he will read it since he hates reading and doesn't have a very good reading-comprehensive skills. But I've sent him an email, make a post on facebook and messaged him, and I haven't even gotten a response or call from him.

    While I did send the email to him on impulse, I recognize maybe it's a coward's way out, but I don't know how to tell him everything verbally as I would in written word. And I can't just call him at a random time because most of the time he's not home and he doesn't have a cell.

    Our relationship has always been rocky and sort of broken. He's done a lot of bad things, but he's not the only one I know personally who's made awful mistakes and I'm trying to give him one more chance to work things out. But I have no idea what to do or how to talk to him when I have to rely on him not trying to switch topics or replying to me.

    I can't just wait till I see him again either because I'm transitioning and changing my name & pronouns, and I rarely get to see him anyways. It's important to me that I make him understand I'm not his gay or straight daughter but his bisexual son, and if I can, I want to make this work, but it feels like it's just being shattered by distance and lack of opportunities to communicate properly.
     
  2. Seahawksfan

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    hey I'm sorry to hear about your dad maybe he hasn't responded because he seen it and he's just trying to come to terms with the fact he's son is Bi when anybody comes out to. A parent there's always a Whilwind of emotions and feelings from them too when he comes to terms That he's son is Bi he could be very supportive of the fact just give it time like everything try not to worry much and it wasn't coward to do it over social media when I came out to my mom as gay. I done it Over a text message!
     
  3. LizSibling13

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    I'm glad my parents - or at least my mom and step dad - supports me and Liz...My sperm donor left mom and us when I was 7, so I don't care if he doesn't like his AMAB daughter or my AMAB sister.
    My step dad lost his cousin in 1993, because his aunt and uncle kicked him out for being gay at 17. He never talked to his aunt and uncle since.
     
  4. H20

    H20
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    I know this is a really late response, but I was going through a depressive spell for a bit. Thanks for the replies. I'm glad to hear your parents are supportive LizSibling13 and as for Seahawksfan, thank you very much. While I read your message the moment you posted it, it has helped me a lot and I've kept this in mind. I have gotten a reply from my dad now. He really did just need time to process it, although I still tihnk maybe he isn't quite ready or completely understanding yet, and his reaction maybe wasn't the best, it was mostly supportive.

    Plus, I appreciate you mentioning you came out over a text message as well. I like the idea of not being the only one who did that over social media and it makes me feel somewhat braver. :astonished:
     
  5. TXTurbo90

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    I'm glad to hear that your dad read the email and is at least somewhat supportive of it. Just like you have probably struggled with this issue for some time, It can take time for your dad to accept it as well.(especially if he grew up being told LGBT was wrong and has a lot of internalized homophobia he has to deal with before accepting it just like us)

    Many of us come out via text messages, social media, emails, etc. It is nothing to be ashamed of, as it is sometimes the most effective way to communicate what we want to say to them. I have used text messaging before to come out, and the person that I was talking to was incredibly supportive. You are not a coward at all. You have done something incredibly brave that many in the community could only dream of doing at your age.

    Keep being true to yourself and don't let anything or anyone get you down. And lastly... Congratulations on getting started on your transition (*hug*)