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Should I tell my friend?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Holaperro, Mar 8, 2016.

  1. Holaperro

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    Hi all.

    Apologies for any typos or poor formatting - posting from my phone.

    To start this off, I'll gice you a bit of background. I'm either gay or bi, prefering guys. Not sure which. I haven't came out to anyone at all.

    I live with one of my best friends. We do pretty much everything together, from cooking to going on nights out. Ive known him for about 3 years, and always been attracted to him, but I've never really thought muxh about it, because I thought he was straight. (had girlfriends in the past, talks about girls etc).

    Then, just before Christmas, things happened between us. (the kind of things that involve hands and mouths, with no kissing or holding hands). It's the first and last time it's happened.

    We've never spoken about it since.

    I've tried to give a few hints, but I don't think I've made anything too obvious really.

    I feel like he's been giving hints as well. For example: Since then we've been on holiday and we shared a room. He slept naked almost every night. Unsure if this sort of thing is him hinting.

    I want to speak to him about it, but I'm scared of ruining the friendship.

    My current thoughts are to do one of the following;

    Text him and ask him about the night things happened. Don't want to pressure him face to face, and will be easier for him to be honest either way via text.

    Come out to him. Could be quite strange for him after things have happened. What if he was just experimenting or curious?

    Don't tell him at all.

    Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.
     
  2. YermanTom

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    I would think, talk to him about it.
    The thing I've found is that it helps to listen to your heart and go with your gut.
    Sometimes being honest is scary and head wrecking, both for you and the person you are being honest with.
    It is ok to say to him that you are confused, but cool with whatever happened/happens.
    It's ok if it was a 'one of thing' for both or one of you.
    I think most guys in England are reasonably mature, sensible and cool about sexuality.

    A guy thing is to have a few beers. Just enough to know what you are saying, but drunk enough to say it was the drink and pretend it never happened. - but that is a totally immature way of dealing with it. You are better of just talking.
     
  3. Holaperro

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    So I'm cureently visiting parents for the weekend, and text him saying that I wasn't completely straight laat night.

    He text back this morning, pretty cool about it all.

    Certainly a step forward.
     
  4. SwimScotty

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    Well, that's progress. I think you should try to have a face-to-face discussion with him. If things happened, it would be a good idea to talk about it and figure out exactly what it was so that one party doesn't end up feeling spurned. I had a similar experience when I was younger, and that guy and I barely spoke for three years after we stopped. We never actually discussed what was happening, and then when I had to break it off, I think we both felt a little spurned. I almost want to call him up now just to talk things over because I think it would do good toward repairing out friendship, but I'm too afraid to go through with it.

    Moral of the story is to talk to him, if for no other reason then to make sure you're both on the same page and that one of you isn't expecting things to go in a different direction that the other doesn't want.
     
  5. Holaperro

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    That seems like pretty good advice, but he seems to have been a bit of a dick about it. It's hard to tell because I'm not home until tomorrow night. He just seems a bit off, and not up for talking. (We normally text a lot when one of us is away).

    I suppose it's pretty big news for him as well, just paranoyed that things have totally changed already, and he doesn't want to know me or do anything with me anymore.

    He's literally the first person I've ever told, so seems like a huge deal to me, and I'm struggling with it a bit.
     
  6. Holaperro

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    Doing the exact opposite of what I should be doing right now, and obsessing over the fact that he's being so quiet.

    Now thinking that telling him while I was away was the worst idea in the world.
     
  7. Ido

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    So what happened since then? Interesting because I am in a similar position....
     
  8. Holaperro

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    It's been wierd. Some times he's really off with me, and sometimes he's normal with me.

    Still can't say for sure either way but I'm leaning towards him being straight, and that night just being a one off.

    However, I may be lying to myself, but he is extremally reserved, so I'm considering telling him that I'm sttracted to him, a bit, or something. It seems like a terrible idea, but I'd love to just know either way for sure. (he could just lie about it though, and I'd probably end up feeling the same).

    Tell me about your situation. :slight_smile: It's always nice to know that someones going through something similar, andd knows how you feel.