I feel like I forced myself to be a lesbian some way. I really need help figuring this all out, I just need honest opinions based off what I say. So as a little girl (7-12) I kissed maybe three girls, innocently, and enjoyed it, but never thought anything of it. One of them was my best friend who admitted she liked me (at 11) and we then said well maybe we should just be girlfriends. This memory is very vague but I remember it happening and although it did, I never questioned my sexuality then, let alone even knew what lesbian was etc. Then I got older, and into high school. I forgot all about this and assumed I was straight. I started kissing boys, my first kiss was horrible. I then fell for a girl at school and denied my attractions. At 15 I lost my virginity. I cried afterwards as it felt like a traumatising experience but I never knew why - has this happened to anyone else? I then saw this guy for a couple months. Nothing special at all, something was definitely missing. I continued fooling around with guys, only ever drunk or on drugs. During seeing this guy I fell in love with another girl and it's been lasting for a couple of years now. As my attractions grew I became more aware of the LGBT community, I follow/watch a lot of lesbian youtubers etc. Three days ago I came out. I came out to a close friend who is very supportive and she was really accepting, the most supportive you could be actually. I was shaking and I felt so nervous. 6 months ago though, I was drunk at a party, I met a random gay guy and I came out to him as gay... we talked for hours... the whole party actually and I remember waking up and feeling so embarrassed and ashamed. Since I came out to my friend I am questioning again... and think I'm bi. I keep forcing myself to imagine myself with men, trying to stare at guys and see how I feel... if I'm doing this am I just really gay and going into denial again after coming out? I just find it so hard to believe that I am gay... I never saw it coming, I really didn't. It shocked me and I feel like I've made it all up and I'm crazy and have a personality disorder that's convinced me otherwise... I've become really depressed from overthinking for three years now and I can't function properly. Has anyone gone through something similar after coming out? Also please tell me whether it sounds like I am just gay, I really need to know that to help me see things from a sane point of you, please just answer whether it sounds like I am gay. Thanks so much
I know this thread is a little bit old now but I thought I'd give my two cents anyways. I second this. If you have to force yourself to imagine being with a dude and it doesn't feel *right* but being with a girl does or imagining yourself with a girl just seems right, you're probably gay. That's partly how I figured it out when I was questioning.
