Hello, this is my first post and I'm hoping this site can help me work through my feelings and people could share their experiences and advise. I'm bisexual. Now that I've accepted who I am I feel great. It's like a veil I've been wearing my whole life has been lifted and I feel happy and positive for discovering who I am and I feel an overwhelming sense of pride. My problem is that I don't think my friends or family will share that same pride. I think what makes me most afraid to come out to the people I love is that they will think I'm lying or attention seeking. There have been friends and family members in the past who have come out, only to later admit its was all a lie and just a bid for attention, which makes me so upset and angry for many different reasons. There are so many misconceptions about being Bi and I would hate for people to think I'm just going through some sort of 'phase' or that I'm just confused because for the first time in my life I've never felt more certain about anything. I feel so happy and want more than anything to be able to share my joy with the people who matter most to me. I tend to think of every possible problem and outcome of any situation and its driving me mad thinking about all the possible ways coming out could end up a total disaster. I'm trying to break things down in my mind and I have one or two very close friends who I feel would be the best ones to come out to first. I know these people above anyone else will always accept me for who I am. Hopefully I can pluck up the courage to finally tell them soon and everyone else (especially my family!) will just have to wait until I feel ready, however long that may take!
I think the idea of telling your friends first is a good one. It's really important to have the support of people who care about you and your friends will be able to back you up if/when you decide to tell your family. I don't know how long it has taken for you to reach this point - a point of acceptance where the veil has been lifted, but reading between the lines I'm guessing it's been quite a journey, just like it is for many LGBT people. Keep that in mind, because if it's taken you some time to understand and accept it, it's likely to be the same for your family. We can't expect to hit them with the news and feel an immediate outpouring of joy and acceptance because they will need to process all of it, just like you did. It would be nice if all parents and family did join in our sense of relief and happiness the moment we tell them, but in reality they are going to be (at least) a little surprised and they may ask questions and raise concerns that we should prepare ourselves for. Preparation is important because it can make the whole process that much easier. Think about the questions and concerns that your parents and family might raise (including the silly ones) and be ready with your answers.. rather than making them up on the spot and feeling frustrated at being caught 'off guard'. Instead of worrying about outcomes, use that mental energy in a positive way to get your answers straight now. You can buy books that will help family members to understand better and some of the best titles can be found through organisations like PFLAG or FFLAG (if you are in the UK). These organisations provide useful resources for familes and friends who are confused or struggling to understand your sexuality, so have their contact details and website addresses to hand when you come out. Also, mention Empty Closets because we have a dedicated area for parents and family members to seek advice and support.
