Something has been eating me up inside for a while . I've been dragged through the gutters , emotionally that is . I am 20 now and I realise that my happiness matters more than anyone elses . I have come out to a handful of close friends/relatives and they have taken it well . My parents are homophobic ... Particularly my dad , whenever we watch television and he sees something LGBT+ related he turns his nose up and has an insult which he thinks is cool . I don't know how long I can keep my own happiness subdued and weathering the intense storm that is coming to one's parents is a rather daunting task . My dad is a violent man , he's been unemployed for the better part of three years now and he is bound to 'lose his shit' if something of this magnitude weighed down on him . We're ( my family ) in a very sensitive and critical state . Our general happiness in on a knife edge and anything that could cause a ripple might turn into a fully-fledged Tsunami . I'm not being dramatic , trust me . Its not that I'm scared of him . I have done kickboxing and represented my province in the sport . It has taught me self control ... I'm scared of myself because 20 years of living , pretending to be someone else is bound to boil over ... And if we had to go toe-to-toe , one of us would have to be dead when all is done ... And I wouldn't like my mother deprived of a husband , and my siblings deprived of a father . Thanks for reading this , my mind is in a state and I'm not an impulsive person , if anyone ... Anyone ... Has any advice as to how I should handle this , or if I shouldn't ... Please feel free to help me Again thanks for reading this . Any feedback is much appreciated Cheers S.T
My thought, your right you deserve to be happy so keep that in mind. Do you live with your parents? If it goes bad do you have somewhere to go? Are you at risk of being hurt? You don't have to answer...
I am in a situation a little like yours. I am not sure what to say to you other than: if you want to come out (and I feel you are about to), make sure you have a backup plan first. Make sure you have a place to go to, so you can avoid any violence. Do you have a backup plan?
I am living with them for the time being , I was elsewhere last year ( thankfully ) but I am back to sort some personal things out . I'm a long way away from being financially stable and finding a place to stay might be a bit tricky ... Yes , I'm at risk of being hurt . He's not a monster , he's just very heavy handed and I'd like to spare the details . Its infuriating that as a son I cannot retaliate because 'respecting your elders' is more important . Much of a rock and hard place ... Thanks for answering ---------- Post added 13th Mar 2016 at 05:15 PM ---------- I am living with them for the time being , I was elsewhere last year ( thankfully ) but I am back to sort some personal things out . I'm a long way away from being financially stable and finding a place to stay might be a bit tricky ... Yes , I'm at risk of being hurt . He's not a monster , he's just very heavy handed and short-tempered . I'd like to spare the details . Its infuriating that as a son I cannot retaliate because 'respecting your elders' is more important . Much of a rock and hard place ... Thanks for answering ---------- Post added 13th Mar 2016 at 05:18 PM ---------- I don't have a place to go , I think it'd be wise for me to first get myself a safety net before I do anything like this . What about your situation , how are you fairing ? ... Thanks for answering
Well please don't put yourself at risk. Heavy handed? You don't have to share but if you want to you can. I never really got the respect your elders... I missed that day at school lol you know your situation better than anyone. Personally I would be looking for temp housing (of possible) just to be safe. Even if I wasn't even sure about coming out. That way shit hits the fan you will have somewhere to land .
At least I know 'the shit hitting the fan' is in my control , so that's a bit comforting but one day I will , its the last step to my emancipation ( yes being in the closet is quite slave-like ) ... Its a freedom so close I can almost taste it . He's just very quick to raise his hands , the ' hit first , ask questions later ' type of guy . What I'm afraid of is him not even being willing to hear 'my side' of the story and reacting in the most extreme way possible ... But like I mentioned earlier , I just don't want to snap . That would be the worst possible thing that could happen Thanks Warrner , good to have someone to talk to
Any time just hold on to the knowing who you are and where your life will take you when your ready... Last thing (don't want to keep harassing you lol) "your side of the story" being gay is not something you should have to defend. That would be like defending you eye color. Anyway, hope things calm down for you soon
No No its not harrassment ! I know what you mean , I've accepted myself and I would not trade being me for any money in the world . It just might come across as unapologetic* if you know what I mean . It's almost a duty for you to say sorry for being who you are and I find that ridiculous . I just hope it gets better than this Hope everything is going well for you ?
Things are interesting. I'm trying to hide in the closet till I can come out to my wife, but now I finally accepted being gay I want out lol but my gramps is not doing well they don't think it will be much longer so a lot on my plate lol
I had to run away from home a few days ago. My father is extremely violent and I barely survived his latest attack. He found out i was gay because he saw me with a boy, kissing. My friends here (random and Calf) helped me to take this step of running away, via student support at university. I did not have a safety net before, and was completely stuck. If you have the possibility to find out beforehand where you can go to, it will relieve some of the tension and anxiety
All the best for your gramdad , sad to hear but I hope things start looking up . I'm glad that you've accepted yourself mate , it must be a difficult time , you'll do just fine ---------- Post added 13th Mar 2016 at 06:51 PM ---------- All the best for your grandad , sad to hear but I hope things start looking up . I'm glad that you've accepted yourself mate , it must be a difficult time , you'll do just fine ---------- Post added 13th Mar 2016 at 06:53 PM ---------- Oh My ! I'm so sorry to hear that man , you'll be fine , I'm happy that there are people who are willing to help guys like us , it truly means a lot . Hope you're in good health
"Oh My ! I'm so sorry to hear that man , you'll be fine , I'm happy that there are people who are willing to help guys like us , it truly means a lot . Hope you're in good health" My health needs some healing, but I'll be fine. Don't worry about me And yes, I am extremely grateful for this safe place here and the people in it willing to help each other. So, first of all if you can, try to find a place to go to, or as in my case, find a place that offers support, not only emotional and mental support, but also plain and simple a roof above your head if everything falls apart. If you have the possibility to arrange that, then you can find the best possible way to tell your father.
Wow... this just blows my mind. How can a father hit his own son simply because he's gay? Like seriously? Wtf? I would lose all respect for my stepfather if he had reacted that way to me coming out. Lucky for me, I haven't experienced any bad or violent reactions. But I would definitely advise against telling him until you have a safe place to stay that offers a supportive environment.
Well, it's not like I am happy with his reaction.... And it was not exactly a reaction to me coming out. I was abused all my life, the fact that he found out made it worse, that's the point. It made him violent beyond belief.
Well I never said you were happy with his reaction. It just sickens me when I hear about these things. I'm sorry that you had to deal with a dad like that.
Its a sad thing , violence , it shouldn't be used to discipline children when they're out of line , it just breeds hate and resentment . Worst of all is that they expect you to have love and respect for them , when all you've been brought up with is pain and fear . There comes a time where 'enough is enough' and you have to face the music . Granted it won't be pretty , but it is a step of absolute necessity . I'm sorry to hear of the abuse Harif , I can't say I know what you've been through but I too know violence of some sort , and it sickens me that the power struggle in a household can lead to such destruction ... Homophobia ? ... No , it stems from insecurity ! I hope you're happy now and one day I'll be happy too , so will everyone in the situations we wind up experiencing . Thanks for the advice guys , much appreciated Cheers
I know what you mean about your dad making derogatory comments everytime something LGBT comes up on tv, mine did the same, it kills your slowly from the inside over the long-term. You say you are twenty years old. I think the best bet is to work on your financial independence, try whatever you can to be independent, like getting a job at another town, starting a course at a university, a business, do whatever you can to become independent and get out of your parents home and possibly town. Then when you have built a life you can let them know, but no one is going to be able to hurt you.
Its a horrible feeling knowing that you really can't speak out against it without some sort of suspicion or reaction but you have that right , I need financial independence , I can get there and I should keep that in mind from now on , the quicker I can build something for myself the less need I have to be someone I'm not Thanks for answering Cheers
