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just got asked on a date but im still mostly in the closet...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ant12, Mar 13, 2016.

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  1. ant12

    ant12
    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    hey guys, im on ****** alot (no im not one of those annoying headless torsos), but i dont normally use it to hook up. An attractive guy shocked me by asking me out. Obviously im not going to say no, but then it really got me thinking...

    only my brother in my family knows im gay. None of my best friends know yet, partly due to one being very religious, and im afraid of the reaction. Im at the point in my life where i just want what is best for me, and im sick of feeling trapped and lonely. I dont want to start going on dates while trying to live a double life hiding it from my family, but wait...it gets even more complicated..

    Im not that worried about my parents. They are pretty accepting people, and i dont think they would ever do anything rash. My grandparents on the other hand....my mom would literally not tell them in fear of them having a heart attack. My grandpa once told me a story about how someone he knew had a daughter that married a black man. Then the guy killed himself over embarassment. He also talks about seeing interracial couples at church and being disgusted, and how its not in the bible. I am an atheist, but i would never let that be known to them, let alone being gay. It's mostly just because im at a point in my life where i need to focus on myself, and i just dont have the energy for any extra drama, it almost seems easier to stay in the closet.

    I have came out to basically everyone in my workplace, which i saw as big accomplishment for myself. Everyone knows, im not hiding, i can freely talk about anything. all my coworkers are supportive and its really great, now its just left for my family.

    I really wana go on a date with this guy and see where it goes. If it goes well its probably going to be my motivation to come out. ***Note i am dependant on my parents, but as i said before, they are pretty accepting so i really dont think they would kick me out or anything.

    any opinions on how i should move forward?
     
    #1 ant12, Mar 13, 2016
  2. Closeteer

    Closeteer
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    Hey there ant12 :slight_smile:

    Assuming you take the proper precautions for a "first date" (meet up at a public place like a cafe, have your own transport, don't be coerced into sex, have someone check on where you are to ensure your personal safety), I'd feel that it really doesn't seem to be that big a risk. It's just a date, you're not moving in with him :slight_smile: And most gay men are very respectful of each other's "closetedness" and won't "out" you. You could go to a coffee shop a little further from your neighbourhood if you're worried about someone seeing you (but again, pick one that is safe and populated!).

    Coming out need not be connected to a date (unless it blossoms into a relationship) and, as you say, if you feel your parents are going to be ok, great (you can worry about the grandparental approval when you come to that bridge - being gay doesn't mean you need to run around telling everyone :slight_smile: ).

    Good luck :slight_smile: Hope it goes well!
     
    #2 Closeteer, Mar 13, 2016
  3. I'mStillStanding

    I'mStillStanding
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey, congrats on date :wink: couple things. First Moses was Hebrew, and it's widely accepted that his wife was black so that is in Scripture lol (never missed Sunday school and grew around racist people but like to argue so love my research) any way. Ok staying in closet, I can't talk because I'm a gay man married to a straight woman. I'm planning on coming out to her as soon as possible. My grandfather sounds alot like yours. He is really sick, so I don't plan on ever telling him in gay. Not because I'm ashamed but I don't want the little bit of time he has left to be awkward out him hating me so you got go do what's write for you...
     
    #3 I'mStillStanding, Mar 14, 2016
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