im not in school anymore im like 34, but still feel 22. im stuck with parents, still. as are many friends. i've had gay feelings since i was ten. ive kept ithidden, afraid ofnegative repurcussions. its that fear that holds me now. i want to tell someome yesterday iwas drinking with friends about 8 stouts in, i tried to tell, but just stalled i was drunk and even with that, my fear kept me from talking what the heck? i finally figured myself out i like young guys most and a tiny subset of women. i realized i was lying to myself when i wason a dating site, and i ciukdnt find any girl i was attracted to. i look at guys on video and porn and im all turned on. i need to be unstuck and defeat fear. im sure others have felt like this. ideas?
Stuck is one of the worst feelings in the world. It's like that ball of rubber bands, and you see one kind of sticking out and tug at it but it's all such a jumbled mess. First, I would check in with yourself. By writing as you did, and sharing your feelings you'll start to become more clear about your own truth. I think that's a great place to start! At some point, perhaps you identify someone in your real life who you are ready to confide in . . . give that trust to. Only you can decide who that might be and what time might be right. But I can pretty much guarantee the right time isn't after 8 stouts. It's my belief that you "defeat" fear by facing the fear and going through it . . . not numbing it and tossing your fears out to a bunch of other drunk folks and hoping for the best. I would also recommend journaling. Write down your fears. What are your REAL fears? Get them out of your head and onto paper (or type them here at this site). Put them in a place that you can see them and actually "face" them, look at them, ponder them, feel them, work with them. Fearlessness comes through moving THROUGH the fear. And you'll find the support you need at this website to do just that.
wow. i thiught being drunk would take the edge off anxiety. it did, but it wasnt helping i also realize i didnt givw any time context it was over like 7hours the real fears are the issue identifying it will prevebt it from being bigger than life i had an easy out a few weeks ago friend was making me setup a dating profile. i them realized i wasn't attracted to almost any of the women and a few only mildly i still find a very hot woman (to me) every once in a long while, i had a great relationship but i couldnt handle her emotion stuff we are still friends and that helps im anxious to gwt past step 1 and admit to someone im bi /gay or whatevr im starting to think im broken i am all kinda attracted to clean cut guys in thier teens/20s i still feel likw my mind is at that college age thanks so very much *sorry for typos im on phone hiding what im doing because im paranoid :/
Everything you're typing is stuff that many of us have experienced. You said earlier that you're 34 but feel like 22. Well it would make sense that you're attracted to younger guys then. And it's normal to feel like that because many of us didn't get to have the "normal" dating experiences of actually being in love, having our hearts broken, and all the other junior high and high school stuff that str8 kids go through to develop their sexuality and intimacy. We suffer from stunted growth in this area! So in short, I wouldn't worry about the age thing too much at this point . . . just keep things legal with any exploration you might do. And you want to tell someone in real life what you are experiencing. That's normal too. From my comment earlier, I'm just suggesting that you be selective about it, and think about finding someone you can use as a resource as you follow your path. It's one thing to dump "I'm gay/bi (whatever)" on someone to get it off your chest. It's quite another thing to share something like this with someone you trust, who you think can be supportive of you on your journey.
yeah the grouo i was with was small just 4 of us and they all know gay/bi people and its fine for them. complete non-issue i would get support there its an internal atruggle. im fighting my own self defenses. even knowing i shouldnt need that defense mechanism any more doesnt seem to allow me to drop thw defense easily admitting to myself i think im gay, with a slight bi slant. i can do that but saying it out loud to someone else means im exposed. having always thought differently than almost everyone else and only having a small group of friends as well as being viewed as a "supergenius" (an old hs person told me they all thought That). idont easily pick up on social queues. plus in like crazy skinny due to a medical thing, heqlthy, but thin i stick out ive fought my life to blend in and now im tossing out this aspect that sets me more apart . i have just barely started yo allow myself to be in charge and the focus of a croud in hw last year or so it all feels like leaving myself vulnerable to attack i need to be readybfor both attack and letting people in, i giess
I think it's awesome you've recognized that most of the struggle you are feeling is internal. You can work with that. Keep in mind, how many years of conditioning by innumerable sources did it take for you to internalize negativity about your attraction to guys (let alone living in a sex-negative culture generally). There is a lot of muck we've internalized and sorting through all that takes time. You can beat up on yourself of course, I did that for many years, until I realized that I needed to put some compassion towards myself into the equation. That's when things started to shift around for me. It's tough, I know, believe me! Breaking through denial (which it sounds like is what is happening for you) is a REALLY important step in the process. And yes, you probably feel flooded at times with all the stuff you've "set aside" for a long time. And taking that conversation out of your head and having it with other people is another step (and yes, there is vulnerability with that). And I think having these types of conversations in a forum such as this can be a good bridge. You're doing all the right things.
yeah, and now i feel like id been better to admit it way earlier. better now than never. readimg othera experience also seems to help.
