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Help!?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by New Camo Daz, Feb 16, 2009.

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  1. New Camo Daz

    New Camo Daz
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    yeah um just bit of help please. Im not sure if im gay or not i mean im um attracted to men but the idea of being gay seems a bit... strange for me. All my friends aint keen on gay people and my family wouldn't like it if i said im gay. What can i say other than .... HELP!:icon_redf
     
    #1 New Camo Daz, Feb 16, 2009
  2. Bryan44

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    Hey there! Welcome to EC!! I found myself in the same situation not to long ago. The advice that I got was to not try labeling yourself as gay, or bi, whatever. Just try to find out what you like and what you dont like. Its not anything that you must decide any time soon. Dont be in a hurry to "label" yourself. Go with the flow. How old are you, if you dont mind me asking?
     
    #2 Bryan44, Feb 16, 2009
  3. lostinthought9

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    hmm...okay, take a deep breath. lol.
    use this place (Empty Closets) to find yourself, that's one of the many fantastic reasons why this site is here.
    And you don't actually have to "label" yourself right now, you don't have to at all, anytime.

    My advice: explore these forums, make friends, and if you do decide to come out, think it over very carefully...and let us know how things go. :slight_smile:

    AND Welcome to EC! :slight_smile:
     
    #3 lostinthought9, Feb 16, 2009
  4. Revan

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    Well, to begin with, often the case of your parents and friends not liking gay people can be influenced onto yourself, it's called internal homonegativity. Basically the attitudes of your friends and family are being passed onto you, hence why you feel gay being strange. My question for you is: are you attracted to women the same way you are for men? Once you let me know, I can hopefully help you out. Though like the people above me said, don't be quick to label yourself.
     
    #4 Revan, Feb 16, 2009
  5. Synth177

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    I was feeling the same way not to long ago. The best thing to do is just wait the confusion out and not worry about your friends and parents too much.
     
    #5 Synth177, Feb 16, 2009
  6. Mirko

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    Hi there and welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    As it was mentioned above, take a deep breath and try to take a step back.

    Before you start letting your friends and family in, I think it would be good if you would figure it out for yourself first. Sexual identities are fluid and they can change. Try to explore the feelings that you do have and see if the feelings that you have are confirmed or if they weaken. Take your time in figuring things out. More than likely you are also trying to overcome some internal homophobia that has built over time. But as you become more comfortable with yourself and accept yourself for who you are, the internal homophobia that you might have will slowly subside as well. Maybe try not to label yourself at this stage. Follow your instincts, follow whatever feels right for you.

    What might help you is perhaps talking with others who are going or have gone through it. Talking with others and sharing experiences can help quite a bit. Maybe try finding a LGBT support group in your area. Call or visit and try to get to know some of its members. If you have that option, and you are comfortable in doing that, by all means go for it.

    Once you have figured it out, and you are comfortable with your sexual identity and who you are, then have a look at your friends, and think about which friend might be best to come out to first. Often, friends say things without giving it a second thought. But once they learn that one of their friend is gay (or say not straight) their attitude changes. In fact some might even feel bad for what they have said in the past.

    It is important that you start building up a support network on which you can rely on and fall back on if and when you need it. For now, you support network could include members of a LGBT group, counselors and teachers.

    It is absolutely okay, not to let your friends or family in at this stage. You are the one that needs to feel comfortable with himself first. Once you are comfortable with yourself, you will be able to move forward. But do take your time. There is no rush.

    I hope this helps a bit. Feel free to post any questions that you have. We are here to help!
     
    #6 Mirko, Feb 16, 2009
  7. New Camo Daz

    New Camo Daz
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    hey every1 thanks 4 all the welcomes. i now know not to label myself too quickly. how can i experiment with my sexuality???
     
    #7 New Camo Daz, Feb 16, 2009
  8. Bryan44

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    Try watching some gay porn
     
    #8 Bryan44, Feb 16, 2009
  9. lostinthought9

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    It's not good to suggest porn to minors :eusa_naug lol....

    ...just kidding, as if we could stop him. lol.....assuming he is a minor, he never said an age...:shrug:
     
    #9 lostinthought9, Feb 16, 2009
  10. Bryan44

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    My bad. *apologizes:eusa_doh:
     
    #10 Bryan44, Feb 16, 2009
  11. New Camo Daz

    New Camo Daz
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    ha its ok im open 2 suggestions. im 16 goin on 17
     
    #11 New Camo Daz, Feb 16, 2009
  12. Bryan44

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    lol good not to young, I dont feel so bad now
     
    #12 Bryan44, Feb 16, 2009
  13. lostinthought9

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    ^^^ oh ok, that's a reasonable age then. :slight_smile:
     
    #13 lostinthought9, Feb 16, 2009
  14. Bryan44

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    i think so too. lol
     
    #14 Bryan44, Feb 16, 2009
  15. New Camo Daz

    New Camo Daz
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    haha i like the way every1 speaks so freely on here about porn etc
     
    #15 New Camo Daz, Feb 16, 2009
  16. Bryan44

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    well its just a suggestion. Im just listing options..
     
    #16 Bryan44, Feb 16, 2009
  17. New Camo Daz

    New Camo Daz
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    yer i know but i mean all over EC every1 speaks freely :]
     
    #17 New Camo Daz, Feb 16, 2009
  18. Bryan44

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    yes, thats the beauty of being on here. haha
     
    #18 Bryan44, Feb 16, 2009
  19. Lexington

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    Welcome to EC! :wave:

    >>>Im not sure if im gay or not i mean im um attracted to men but the idea of being gay seems a bit... strange for me.

    This was true for most of us. For the most part, we had to get used to the idea. But here's something to keep in mind. If you're gay, you're attracted to men. That's it. That's the single and only qualification. Everything else is optional. You don't have to have a high voice or love club music or dress in nice clothes or anything else. You just gotta dig guys. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
    #19 Lexington, Feb 16, 2009
  20. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    There's nothing wrong about porn. Especially gay porn. People who aren't gay or bi seem to have negativity towards talking about gay porn and it IS definitely a GIANT taboo around my straight friends. I made a joke one time and they all froze and stared at me like I just stripped down naked and gave them all lap dances--it wasn't funny. Its like kicking them in the family jewls. But, since everyone else here is gay in some way or another--its okay to talk about AND BE YOURSELF!

    Why? Because we're all straight guys now, in a manner of speaking...and here, straight people are gay. :slight_smile: You dig it?
     
    #20 The Enigma, Feb 16, 2009
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