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coming out - felt a bit flat

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Ajax, Feb 17, 2009.

  1. Ajax

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    has anyone come out and found it not much help? i just came out to my friend 15 minutes ago. i had kind of been hinting at it all eveing but there was another friend there so we didn't say anything. but she dropped me home, just before she did she asked me if i was gay, i said i was. she was quite supportive, as i expected. but i just felt flat. it didn't help at all.

    also i came out to another friend after good vibes (big music gig in sydney) on the weekend. i was a bit high and just told her. i didn't feel uncomfortable, nor did she. it wasn't a big deal. but it didn't really help. i don't feel any different, just that i have let my "secret" out to more people with nothing in return.

    has anyone else experienced this?

    also i was going to post my profile on gaydar but it freaks me out. so much detail. isn't there somewhere i can meet people without it being that full on?
     
  2. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    It happens, for many its a simple aspect of their lives and as for you, you have very supportive friends, which you might have expected it or simply nothing has changed in your relationship. But now, over time you'll be more open on matters related to your sexuality, you'll feel comfortable enough to share those aspects. Flat or not, it was a wonderful step, congrats.
     
  3. Lexington

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    >>>just that i have let my "secret" out to more people with nothing in return.

    Coming out isn't supposed to have a "return" necessarily. It's simply a hurdle to get by, as quickly and painlessly as you possibly can. Because once you're on the other side, you can resume your life without having to worry about people "finding out". Yes, with many people, there's a sense of liberation and relief upon coming out. But that's usually after weeks, months, years, decades of anguish and fear. It's a bit like taking a big test. Some people really don't know how they did, so they stay up nights worrying that they might have failed. Then, when they get it back, and they see the B-, they almost faint with relief. But if you KNEW you aced it, or at least weren't concerned about it, the B- isn't gonna do much but confirm what you already knew, so you won't be fainting at your desk.

    You got the B-.
    Killer.
    Cross them off the list, and move on to the next one. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  4. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    What? You had it good then. What were you expecting? Some tax return or something? Lol There is no reward for telling people you're a homo. Trust me. Vana White and Bob Sajack are not going to show up on your door step with a million dollars. Maybe, just MAYBE it might be Fabio, but I always had my suspicions...though he's in his fifties now.

    Good for you. :slight_smile: Letting it out helps. But, perhaps, are waiting for some special acknowledgment?
     
  5. Davo

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    I felt the same when I came out. I know it's absolutely silly to expect something else, as it's a relief that you didn't get a bad reaction, but it is a big moment for you and you are kind of hoping for a big dramatic gasp or something.

    I think it's important to try talking to them about it. After I came out I spent months refusing to acknowledge the event and wouldn't talk to my friends about it at all, it's really made the situation quite uncomfortable, especially when they eventually tried to talk to me about it.

    But well done for coming out.
     
  6. Alex19

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    be thankful they acted the way they did about it! some ppl lose friends over this. yours were cool with it. maybe u wont get the same reaction when you tell some other ppl. thatll spice things up a bit!
     
  7. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    Lol Don't encourage him to want to be let down. >_<) Oh how twisted this has become! Sadists!
     
  8. Ajax

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    >>>There is no reward for telling people you're a homo. Trust me. Vana White and Bob Sajack are not going to show up on your door step with a million dollars.

    lol i don't know what i was expecting! i didn't really mean a "return" i just meant i thought i would feel nervous or a bit liberated or something, but i didn't really feel anything. i guess i am lucky as none of my frends are particularly religious, the only ones who might find it difficult are my very close male friends who i go out clubbing with, they will find it kind of strange. but i don't think they will care too much either. i guess its more about settling it in my own mind than how my friends will react.

    thanks for the helpful messages.
     
  9. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    The couple times Igot asked to clubbing, was with my straight guy friend. And his excuse was thus: "Well...your gay so you'll probably attract hella women so come on! Lets go!" Lol I felt used...but I didn't mind. I know--you feel let down because you were probably prepared for some serious confrontation but trust me...You'll get some somewhere, sometime eventually. It is our birth right and god given stigma. So to speak.
     
  10. Ajax

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    i wasn't expecting any confrontation, i can't think of any of my friends who won't be cool with it, i guess i am lucky that way. i just thought i would feel something. it felt like spending lots of money in a shop then coming home bored.

    anyways i just bought a ticket to the sydney mardi gras afterparty (with paul oakenfold DJ'ing) so all is good right now :slight_smile:
     
  11. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    OMG PAUL OKENFIELD?!?!?! I hate you now!!! :angry:
    *EXTREME jealousy
     
  12. Ajax

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    sorry*

    * grins sheepishly, as is not really sorry
     
  13. CrystalCat

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    Ahh that sucks. When i came out to some of my friends they hugged me so hard i couldn't breathe. It was nice and heart felt to know that i was accepted. Especially since most of my family is extremely homophobic -.-