Explaining to family that bisexual doesn't mean I can chose

So I came out a few months ago to my whole family (and friends). Only my ex-husband and some very close friends knew I was bisexual for over a decade. My parents have always said they would accept us (me and my siblings) no matter what our "lifestyle" might be. I came out as bisexual and the first words out of their mouths is, well at least your not a lesbian and you can chose who you settle down with.
I had the argument about how people don't chose who they are attracted to or who they fall in love with. They somehow can't see that argument as valid. How can I get them to realize that I can't chose who I will love or who I am attracted to? They are so messed up with the idea of my being bisexual, they pretend that I am not, they even go so far as to introduce me to men all the time. They think I don't want to date men because my ex-husband was an ass. It has nothing to do with it, I have always been attracted to both men and women, but at this point of my life, I feel more attracted to women, I can't explain why that is, it just is. They accept my being bisexual so badly it makes the issue of my being potentially trans nearly impossible to even consider coming out as a trans-guy, even though I am not entirely sure if I am trans-male or non-binary-male-ish or whatever. There are days I feel like packing up and moving away, so far away from my current family and friends. Just start over with a new name, new life. If it wasn't for my responsibility to my son, I feel it would be wrong of me to move us away from everything he knows.

I didn't intend this to turn into a pity post. But apparently it turned into one.

I mostly would like advice on helping people accept my queer-ness (is that a word?) a little better.

 

(*hug*) Time to where them down till they understand. Yeah I don't like that answer either.

 

I suppose bisexuality could be considered a choice in that you could choose to only pursue relationships with one sex even if you find yourself attracted to both. That's probably what your parents are banking on, and it's going to be hard to dissuade them from thinking this way.

So if it were me I would spend less time trying to say "it's not a choice" because in a way dwelling on that sort of reinforces the notion that being gay or bi or whatever is only permissible because you had no choice in the matter. Even if we lived in a world where sexuality were a choice, it doesn't mean we should all choose to gravitate toward the opposite sex. So simply explain to people that there is nothing wrong with having a relationship with either a man or a woman, and your family needs to try to accept whoever you decide to be with. And maybe that means being patient with them, because as long as they're making an effort to accept your sexuality and future relationships, I think that has to count for something.

Lastly, I would personally wait to come out as trans. Since you said you are not completely sure of your gender as of now, it's probably best to give yourself some time to explore that before sharing that news with your parents. Coming out as trans would likely be even heavier news to them than your sexual orientation and I don't think it's something that they need to hear before you are 100% sure.

I hope my advice was in any way helpful. Good luck with your situation.

 

I just gave up on trying to explain it and eventually just said started telling my mother i was gay

 

Honestly, the best way I can explain my sexuality to monosexual people is as follows:

"You wouldn't be bothered by someone's hair colour if you were to date them, right? Red, blonde or brunette, you'd date them. It's the same for me and people's gender. Even if you've settled down with someone who's blonde, you'd still be attracted to brunettes and redheads, as well as other blondes. It's the same for me if I was with a particular gender. Some days you might find one hair colour more or less attractive, it's the same for me with gender."

It might be overly simplistic, but at least it makes it sort of relatable for most people, I find at least.