I just ended my first relationship. Neither of us were ready for one so it crashed and burned really quick. (3 months.) As of late, i've been so ashamed of being gay. I've reverted to far back into the closet. I've reached a point where I wish it would go away. I was more confident a year ago than I am now. I'm really lost...
EC is a safe place to be. Talk to people here and get some of that confidence back. I'm in a similar boat. I didn't want to believe I was bisexual. In fact I was terrified of it. I went back to the closet and only dated guys for a while because my family doesn't know. Be proud of who you are
I get that. When my mother started suspecting things and insulting and interrogating me it started to make me feel so sick inside whenever I considered liking girls, even though I'd been so happy about it a few months ago. And then when my heart was sorta broken I kept trying to tell myself to be normal and get my mind back under control, because all this girl-loving was doing was fucking with me, and all girls hated me, and I was a creepy weirdo. But you have to understand that it's your sadness about the situation thats making you think these things, not any element of truth. You are no different than you have always been, in times when you were happy, in times when you were a little kid and relationships didn't even seem like a thing. You were gay then and you're gay now. You weren't a worthless weirdo then, and you aren't now. The only thing that changed was your perspective. So give yourself some love and bring your mind back round to the perspective that says: "I'm smart, I'm beautiful and I'm worthy."
I am as ready as I've ever been for a relationship, but it seems like no guys I encounter feel the same. And, it's annoying and disheartening, so I totally get the having your confidence sapped. If no one wants to date me, what's the point of being gay. I feel like I'm in the closet because I'm not actively being gay. But, the fact is you can't change who you are. You can only live your life positively, and I have to believe in so doing that, it has to get better eventually.
It's sometimes hard to accept, but we all need to be happy with who we are and what we stand for. There's always a "Why me?" feeling that comes back, but remember the following: You didn't choose to be gay; you were chosen. (That's someone's signature.) I don't know if I believe it from a religious standpoint, but it definitely makes me proud and happy! And I hope you, too, regain some of that lost confidence. You can also be optimistic and accept that transgender people probably have it worse off than you. It's not really a huge deal that you're gay if you think about it; it's only one characteristic of you, and there's more to you than just potentially disappointing homosexuality. I hope this helps.
Hey Jguy... I struggled with my feelings for girls for 3 years wanting to embrace it then hiding again. I think coming out to oneself is the hardest step we take.
When a relationship ends (especially a first relationship) it dents our confidence and can lead to all sorts of doubt and questioning, and sometimes, in the process we begin to look inwardly and view the world/life in a more pessimistic way. It happens to straight people as much as it does gay people, but with gay people it can result in a crisis around our sexuality. Rewind three months to the point when the relationship began and consider how you felt then. I'm guessing it felt very right and very special at that time. Rewind further to the point when you came out and consider your feelings again. Hang on to those thoughts! When you are upset and depressed clarity of thought goes right out of the window as you make room for the pessimism and in those days it's so easy to make hasty and damaging decisions. Retreating into the closet after the disappointment of a first failed relationship is such an easy thing to do, but once you are back in there it's harder to come out. Take a step back and give yourself time and space to recover and heal.
