Well, yesterday I talked with my stepmom very briefly. I had told her that I had something very important that I needed to talk about with her. But when she brought it was up, it was literaly, "Ok, we have ten minutes till we get into town. Talk." I had hoped for a long, sit-down conversation, and instead received a ten minute long opportunity during a car ride. So that unnerved me a little bit. I told her that I had been doing some thinking and that I thought I was trans. We talked for a little bit on why, during which I totally panicked and started fixating on my voice. I didn't really answer a lot because I had totally blanked out. I kept talking about my voice to which I got a "Well, you can't change that." The total conversation couldn't have been longer than 7 minutes. She did ask me if I had talked to anyone else about it. I told her that I had been talking to my school and counselor and that she had recommended that I talk to a therapist of my own for other reasons. My parents are going to try to get me in to see one, which is good I guess. But I still feel as though.... They don't believe me? It feels as though they listened and all but.... like last night, after I went to bed, I'm pretty sure my parents had a quiet discussion about it. But the only thing that I could make out was my dad saying, "He might be." I'm so confused because they seem supportive but at the same time not supportive. I know that I should give it time, that it's only been a day. But I feel as though they don't believe it, and I think it's because of not telling them everything I felt. I think that maybe I hadn't given them enough information, and information that could just be brushed off as me not wanting to adjust to change. I'm so lost and uncertain right now. Also, isn't coming out supposed to be this huge weight off of your shoulders? It doesn't feel like that for me. It feels the exact same but a lot less certain now. I don't know. I was hoping to be able to go to prom as a freshman this year in this beautiful dress that I have but I don't think I'll be able to now. This was not the type of reaction I was expecting from them. I just.... I don't know what to do now. Should I talk to them again Should I just wait until the counselor....? I just.... I don't know. If anyone has any advice on what my totally accepting parents may be going through, or how I should proceed from now on, I am totally open for it. Thanks to anyone who may have read all of this.
Hello, Perhaps try talking to them again when you have more time and when everything else is calm. That will allow them to have more time to think and clearly. For your dad using male pronouns, I think he's trying to be supportive, but doesn't want to make any conclusions yet. Remember, you've known you're a woman for a longer time than he has, so it might take him a while. Is there a way your dad and/or step-mum could go to the counselor meeting with you? That way the counselor can catch them up on anything you want them to know that you've talked about. Is going shopping for prom something people generally do in your area with their parents/guardians? If so, perhaps make this something for you to do together so you can pick out one you like and they can see. That way you've got a positive practical experience where they're acknowledging you as a woman. I hope this helps.
Come on. There is no a course for parents to prepare them for anything like this. It's been a day and you expect them to be 100% on board on a thing they might not even know what it is. If you feel unsatisfied by their reaction why don't you ask them to talk about with you on a proper time?
The meeting with the counselor is a good idea. Thank you. I'm not real sure if it would be possible due to a lot of conflicting ideas but it will be something to look into. What bothered me about my dad's sentence was the word might. I'm totally not expecting them to suddenly start using female pronouns and stuff right now. That would be crazy. I know that they need time to process it. Also, the whole might thing is probably my fault cause I said I think I'm transgender, like I normally speak, instead of saying I have reached the conclusion of being transgender. The prom shopping is a good idea. Wish I would've thought about that before I got the dress I have now. I think it would be best to talk with them again, but I just don't typically bring up serious conversations like this. I think it's a dependency problem, but I don't. I had to tell my stepmom there was something I needed to talk about with her through text. Thanks so much for your replies.
The meeting with the counselor is a good idea. Thank you. I'm not real sure if it would be possible due to a lot of conflicting ideas but it will be something to look into. What bothered me about my dad's sentence was the word might. I'm totally not expecting them to suddenly start using female pronouns and stuff right now. That would be crazy. I know that they need time to process it. Also, the whole might thing is probably my fault cause I said I think I'm transgender, like I normally speak, instead of saying I have reached the conclusion of being transgender. The prom shopping is a good idea. Wish I would've thought about that before I got the dress I have now. I think it would be best to talk with them again, but I just don't typically bring up serious conversations like this. I think it's a dependency problem, but I don't. I had to tell my stepmom there was something I needed to talk about with her through text. Thanks so much for your replies.
I'm not trans, so I can't fully understand your feelings, but is your stepmom supportive? If she is, maybe you can suggest mother-daughter bonding activities like shopping or getting a manicure (or something else that you can think of). Utilizing your school's resources is a good idea, especially if it's open minded. If you can, make regular appointments with your school guidance counselor until you can get one outside of school, and see if they can refer you to one that specializes in gender dysphoria as well if you want to transition. It sounds like you parents are taking the news pretty normally; give them time to process it. And congratulations on coming out!
firstly, congratulations on telling them I can't completely relate as I'm not trans, but, my situation Is kind of similar to yours, I told my mum I was gay and at first she was not okay with it (I think she was just taken back by it) and then she kind of dismissed it I guess? its like she was stand offish about the subject as though she didn't believe me (and I'm still not sure if she does but oh well). At the end of the day no parent really expects for their child to tell them something like this so they're probably just processing the information and will eventually be as supportive as you want them to be.
If I were you, I would probably sit down with BOTH of them when your time is not limited. They may not think this is as big of a deal as it really is. You may need to bring up the whole pronoun issue. Take your mom shopping with you. Make them a part of this part of your life - it's a big one.
