I liked what he could have been.

Unfortunately the fact that you slept together doesn't have to mean anything. At least not from his perspective. And that's something that he has to deal with if he is one who sleeps around. It's something I've had to deal with. There can be a lot of broken hearts along the path, even when you have the best of intentions. But a lot of the time this happens to us in general; we put people on a pedestal, not noticing or acknowledging their faults for a good while. And when we do, we're disillusioned because they aren't what we thought they were. But like you said, you can take that one encounter you shared and hope that it meant a little bit more to him, at least at the time. I hate to use the cliched "time will heal all wounds" sentiment, but it seems applicable in this situation. Try to let him go, take it one day at a time, and you will move on.

 

i feel for u. was the sex good, at least?

 

just because you have slept together doesn't mean you are instantly married or even dating! But you are not a dumbass just because he is an asshole and you were wrong about him. And you are not the only one that has thought that someone would be good for you and later find out he's not it. It happens to the best of us
People put on masks and perform. Sometimes we fall in love with the mask, never seeing the face behind it....

 

It's a learning experience, and it's experience. Take a bit of time and try to look at this from his angle. WHY would he be motivated to put up a "mask," as it were? Why was he interested in the relationship originally, and why did he lose interest (if he did)?

If you give that a bit of consideration, you'll probably know some things to look for next time, warning signs, if you will. You might have a bit better idea how to draw out the true person earlier so that you can get to know them instead of their projected version. Or, you might be a bit more hesitant to jump into something and take a bit of a clearer look at the person.

If nothing else, maybe you can take away that he wasn't the one. If he couldn't be comfortable enough with you to be transparent with you, to let you see his true self, he possibly has some things he needs to sort through on his own, as well. A relationship has to be transparent, and both sides need to be honest and open with each other and show each other their true selves, or else the relationship will be much like this one, one that ended.

(*hug*)

 

>>>FACT: we slept together. I'd like for that to mean something in the face of all the bad things that happened afterward. I'd like to have something to take away from this other than "I'm a dumbass" and "he's an a-hole." Anything?

How about "We both were horny, we decided to go for it, it was fun, but it may not have been the best decision"?

Lex

 

Sorry this isn't the advice you're goin to want per se, but it's the kind you need to hear. You're a guy, he is a guy. Guys, and this is a universal truth, get hornier than you could EVER imagine. I should know, I am a guy. Self control is the only restraint we have to keep ourselves in check and sometimes when we feel lonely or desperate...(and believe me it can be a subconscious thing) we will have random sexual encounters.

Now, this is very important:

SEX DOES NOT MEAN LOVE
Lust is NOT the same as love.

And if you try to turn lust into love when the feeling is not mutual you'll only end up destroying yourself with "what if's" and that will lead you nowhere. Do not try to even change the past, nor look back, only forward. If anything, hopefully, this was a good learning experience. If you lye in bed with someone, and you know love is not there, don't try to make it randomly appear. Know what you're getting into. You're 21, you're not a child.

Hope that helps.

 

As already stated, simply chalk it up to experience. You know more now than you did before, and that's always good. Next time, whenever that is, you'll be better prepared to make decisions.

You can't do anything about yesterday - there's nothing you can do to un-do things. Don't worry too much about tomorrow either. Focus on today, and don't beat yourself up.