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Coming Out Advice A supportive place to ask for and give advice about coming out. Includes a sub-forum for posting stories about your coming out experiences.

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Old 19th Feb 2009, 04:34 AM   #1
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Default Realizing im gay

Well i always knew i was gay, and i never focus on it. Lately I had focus on it because I want a relations now. I'm 17. I don't want to come out because I'll feel uncomfortable with my family and embarass, and some rejection. I don't get out of high school till next year. My family makes fun of gay people, and never suspected I was gay even though there were signs. It's pretty old fashion. My brother always make funof them. I don't even know what to do, since I pretty much living a boring life. It's just empty, I'm not ashame of it. I also worry about marriage, since I do want to get married. I'm catholic. So I don't know what I am asking for just want to explain situation. It's also a Mexican family, but I am worried about the family I live with mostly.

I never really had friends so there's nothing to that.



Sorry that came choppy I'm doing it by iPod, in case family has any way of finding this. Doubt it though.

Last edited by Jack2009; 19th Feb 2009 at 04:47 AM..
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Old 19th Feb 2009, 06:51 AM   #2
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Default Re: Realizing im gay

Welcome to EC!

If you think your parents are going to have some major issues with it, there's nothing wrong with holding on until you're on your own. At that point, you can make your life as "exciting" as you'd like.

I'm a recovering Catholic myself. But my parents were both very cool with me being gay. They realized that my happiness was more important than any preconcieved notions they might have had. And as far as marriage goes, do give that a lot of thought. Because if you force the square peg into the round hole - if you meet a girl, and force yourself to marry her - you're dragging her into the deception. Screwing with your own life is one thing. Pulling someone else along for the ride is something infinitely worse.

And here's the thing. What are you picturing, marriage-wise? A big ceremony? A loving wife? A nice home? Kids? It's all still possible as a gay man. The only difference is your wife's gonna have a penis. Because being gay just means you dig guys. That's it. The rest of your life doesn't change if you don't want it to.

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Old 19th Feb 2009, 07:01 AM   #3
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Default Re: Realizing im gay

I'm not even considering getting married with a girl LOL. That would be wasted time. I was just thinking how would that be possible with a guy.
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Old 19th Feb 2009, 07:24 AM   #4
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Default Re: Realizing im gay

get married in the right state/country! i for one, dont need to get married. if my boyfriend ever did that would b cool, but i never thought of getting married to prove i love someone. living together for the rest of my life is good enough for me!
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Old 19th Feb 2009, 08:17 AM   #5
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Default Re: Realizing im gay

I'm married in everything but name. We've got a house together, our finances are intertwined, and everybody knows we come as a unit. Yeah, it'd be nice to have the state give us the nod, but I don't need them to tell me whether my relationship is real or not.

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Old 19th Feb 2009, 10:38 AM   #6
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thats right Lex, thats what im talkin about!
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Old 19th Feb 2009, 10:58 AM   #7
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Default Re: Realizing im gay

Hey Jack2009
I cant talk to you about the complexities of coming out because I'm still battling with my own demons in that respect. But I can tell you not to give up hoping for things to change. 20 years ago homosexuality was considered a mental illness which required psychiatric treatment. Now its slowly starting to be accepted by our generation. On the marriage front, obviously America has taken a huge step back, but it will come eventually. Europe is a bit better in some countries and the UK (where I live) has equal civil partnership and civil marriage laws. So dont give up hope.xxx
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Old 19th Feb 2009, 11:26 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack2009 View Post
I'm not even considering getting married with a girl LOL. That would be wasted time. I was just thinking how would that be possible with a guy.
Don't. This is what happens....Video 4 or 5 if I recall correctly.

http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/sh...ad.php?t=20906
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Old 19th Feb 2009, 11:29 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lexington View Post
I'm married in everything but name. We've got a house together, our finances are intertwined, and everybody knows we come as a unit. Yeah, it'd be nice to have the state give us the nod, but I don't need them to tell me whether my relationship is real or not.

Lex
I am happy for you. I don't understand why a lot of homosexual's and bi people's HAVE to get MARRIED. I mean, it's just for show--really, there are a few perks but nothing that is life altering. Why can't they be satisfied just knowing they're together? Unlike straight couples who can sometimes be forced together by families, gay people should just appreciate that they can be together via personalities. I mean, really, does getting married really change anything aside from that special hospital perk? It's not going to make a penis, vagina, or anything on the human body more operable. I'd be happy just being in the same household; I don't think I will marry anybody, ever. And honestly, I couldn't care...why? Because it's just a title.
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Old 19th Feb 2009, 12:17 PM   #10
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Default Re: Realizing im gay

Jack

I'm also battling with the image of "normality" that I was brought up with - settle down, find a girl, have kids, grow old together, and the reality that I have no desire for kids, and would probably have a lot more fun growing old with a guy...

I had a lot of problems reconciling my religious upbringing with the reality of who I am - it's something I still have to deal with from time to time. My parents are strictly religious too, and I have no plans whatsoever to come out to them -despite having reached the age where I'm easily independent of them (I have my own place to live, a job that pays the bills etc)

My advice, if you feel your family will reject you, or make your life miserable, wait. Your 17. You've not said where you are - but college/university could be a great place to explore who you are independently of your immediate family (assuming college is in your plans!)
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Old 19th Feb 2009, 12:31 PM   #11
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Default Re: Realizing im gay

Enigma, your absolutely right as well. i dont need a peice of paper to tell me i love a guy. or to prove to anyone else. the ceramony is a waste of time, id celebrate our relationship by being with him and the times and experiences wed share (wow that was cliche!). and truthfully, i would feel too awkward infront of family marrying a guy- well, anyone for that matter! im just not a person for marriage. i could function in a long term relationship fine w/o having to get married. if someone else wants to, i say go for it. but, it isnt for me.
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Old 19th Feb 2009, 12:52 PM   #12
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Default Re: Realizing im gay

I don't need a piece of paper, but it'd sure nice to feel equal and be able to have all those joint rights (esp. for taxes, why would I want to pay more than I have to?).
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Old 19th Feb 2009, 01:53 PM   #13
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Default Re: Realizing im gay

o i agree, thats why i obviously support gay marriage, but it just isnt for me.
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Old 19th Feb 2009, 03:57 PM   #14
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Default Re: Realizing im gay

Yeah, I think we'd all be unanimously in favour of getting equal rights under the law as with straight 'marriages', in all countries. It needs to be made law as a human right.

As for whether I'd want or feel I needed to get married to a gay partner, I think I'm reserving judgement on that one because I've yet to be in that position - so I'm finding it hard to know. I certainly agree that a piece of paper doesn't and can't make a relationship any better, and real commitment and love is shown by what you say and do but not by a piece of paper that you've signed. But one more thing - I'd like to know that the law was entirely equal so that I had the right to marry my gay partner if that was what we wanted to do. I want to know it's there.

Take care all, Kayar. X
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Old 19th Feb 2009, 04:26 PM   #15
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Default Re: Realizing im gay

I think the thread got a little off topic. Jack, firstly, you do have friends, both here on EC and out in the world. Not sure where you live but seeing you said you're from a Mexican family I assume it's North America. If you're going to school, check out if there is a Gay Straight Alliance or any type of gay support system in your school. Then check out your local area. There are lots of guys and girls who can give you love and support and we'll do our best here on EC. I know there is a certain type of Machismo in the latino culture among males and maybe that makes it even harder for you, coupled with the historical connection to the Roman Catholic church. Take baby steps until you're comfortable in the waters you are in. The right guy will come along so don't force that issue. You've taken the first big step and that it coming to terms with yourself.. You didn't mention whether you have both parents living together. Considering your family's views, it might be smart to wait until you are 18 before you approach the subject with them. So many of us have been brought up inside organized religion which has dumped a super guilt trip on us. At this time, you are dealing with your coming out AND your Catholicism. You don't say whether or not you are a devout RC or what your faith is but you can't live your life freely as a gay man if you let people lead you by what they believe is God's law. That being said, you will need to discuss this with your family, when the time comes, keeping in mind their faith and views. It is a very large wall to get over but it is not insurmountable. I have suggested to others to either write a letter or do a video and let your parents each watch/read it alone. By doing that, they don't feel required to have an immediate response and can take time to process what you have told them. Do it in a calm and loving way and be yourself, you'll be amazed at what it might do. Coming out is like buying a new pair of shoes. They take time to fit your feet and you have to walk a few miles to break them in. Do everthing in love and walk Proud...
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Old 19th Feb 2009, 05:24 PM   #16
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Default Re: Realizing im gay

I guess I'll wait till I'm off to college . I wouldn't dare associate with the gay people at school. I have my brother going to it so I don't want him to hear rumurs. I don't there's even a club like that, since I only know one gay person since everyone says so.
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Old 19th Feb 2009, 05:49 PM   #17
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Default Re: Realizing im gay

>>>I mean, really, does getting married really change anything aside from that special hospital perk?

I don't have the exact facts and figure here, so all the numbers are going to be total guesses.

It costs (roughly) $32 to get married in the state of Texas. For a gay couple to get all the legal benefits that are given to married couples costs over $3500 in court costs. Some would say yeah, that ain't right.

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Old 19th Feb 2009, 06:07 PM   #18
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Well it's not like I'm considering marraige right now, it's just be nice. In the end it doesn't matter what a paper said. I was thinking more of the religious aspect than state aspect.
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Old 19th Feb 2009, 06:27 PM   #19
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Jack, you may be interested in my reply to 'the coming out of Alex' on the coming out forum. It more relates to the faith side of your dilemma.
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