Hi guys, I need your help. I’m bisexual but lean towards the gay side, and have hidden myself in the closet for my entire life. I’m partially (though hardly) out and don’t see myself ever coming out to family and friends. I’m 30 now, so it really is time to stop prevaricating; I’m going to start to explore and enjoy this part of my life that I have thus far denied myself. Fortunately I look a lot younger and have a lot going for me, so I kind of have a second chance. In short, I need your help. The question is simple… where do I start? I’ve listed a few thoughts of my own based on my limited experience and reading on the internet; comments and additions from you would be most welcome! What I'd really like is an intimate relationship with someone like-minded. 1. Make friends, speak to people in a similar position -- I feel this would be a great place to start so I can build a support network, make friends and learn from others’ experiences, but where do I find these people? Are there “meet-up” groups specifically for people in my position? 2. Dating websites (not the hookup ones) -- So this is where I have actually met people so far - problem here is that while you can determine (just about) whether you like someone, it’s very hit-and-miss as to whether they’ll be anything what they say in their profile -- Moreover, I have limited my chances by hiding my profile - i.e. only I can find and contact people, not the other way around. I have seen a few people I know and I don’t want them to see me 3. Gay clubs / bars -- Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places, but the few places I’ve walked into in London (i.e. Soho) are too scene-orientated for me - quite seedy and a lot of noise - are there other, more discrete types of places for gay people? 4. Ask guys out, not knowing their sexualuty -- Well, first that takes a lot of courage, and although I’ve done it subtly (too subtly?) a few times, problem is either the recipient doesn’t pick up or I don’t pick up on the response 5. Hang around in places where gay guys meet -- Waiting and hoping could be a bit desperate, especially as I tend to in any case sit in cafes with my laptop, do hot yoga, etc. (and not actually to meet guys it must be said) I would absolutely love any input you can provide. In fact, I’d be very happy to document my trials and successes (if applicable!) on this thread. Also, if anyone finds themselves in a similar position to me, do feel free to reach out. It would be great to spend some time chatting. Thanks, and lots of love x the3m
I'm in a pretty similar scenario myself so I can relate a bit. Have you tried looking up some local/nearby places where you might be able to meet some other men? I've come across some sites like that but I'm not sure if posting a URL would violate the EC code of conduct. With a little bit of detective work you might be able to find something. It's not much but I hope my advice helps
Thanks for your response! What sorts of people attend these groups? Is it people in our position, or a mixture? To be honest, maybe I'm being a bit dim, but I've not managed to find these groups on the internet... Would it be against EC rules to PM a URL to me? What do you think of the other options I laid out?
I've yet to actually make use of such sites, but I have glossed through a couple while I try to figure out what my course of action will be. The code of conduct is a bit unclear to me about what URLs are appropriate to post, but when I've applied for full membership and am able to PM I will be happy to share if you would still like some help As far as your other options I think dating sites might potentially work out. You don't have to necessarily date who you come across but it could serve as a great way to get introduced to some other guys. Bars I personally stay away from if you just intend to meet people without looking for anything too serious. Some of them can be pretty seedy. Also I think it would be a great idea to document your experience it could have the potential to help out people in similar scenarios
Thanks again. I would definitely document the above if it helps others. It's just a case at the moment of making the breakthrough. What have you tried? Has it worked? Unfortunately with dating sites, people don't seem interested in anything other than something quick. Have I just been unlucky so far?
Through some Google searches I found a few sites dedicated to the state that I live in. Some of them seemed kinda like dating sites but there were some sites with people just looking to meet up and chill without anything sexual. I looked into a couple of them but the distance I would have had to travel just wasn't worth it for me. I'm pretty sure if you did a few Google searches you might be able to come across some similar sites pertaining more to wherever it is you live that lists some nearby guys or places where you could go to meet guys. There's always going to be people looking to just hook ups on such sites, so it's just the time consuming task of weeding out the people looking to genuinely meet people from those just looking for a quick fling.
