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I brought up LGBT with my mom, her response put me down

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TheLionRoars360, Mar 29, 2016.

  1. TheLionRoars360

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    My mom and I were sitting in a car when we passed a public school with a banner outside it that had a rainbow on it and said "Love is love" (If public schools weren't dangerous in my town, I would love to go there). I had been questioning my sexuality (bisexuality, mainly) for roughly a month and a half (and I still am) and decided it would be a good idea to bring up the topic of homosexuality (bisexuality was kind of irrelevant to the banner) generally in a conversation to see how she views it. I pretended it was the first time I had seen the banner, though I had noticed it about a month ago. It had been sort of like a silent cheerleader for me, showing me that at least one group of people accept LGBT people. I pointed it out, and here's how our conversation went.

    "Aww, look at that banner, mom. Isn't it sweet that they support gay people?"
    "I can't see it, what's on it?"
    "It says 'Love is love' and has a rainbow on the bottom"
    (Focusing on the road, but glancing at me for a short moment) "Yeah. I'm surprised there haven't been any school shootings there since they put up the banner, though."
    "Yeah, so am I. Did you know that that singer I told you about (Troye Sivan) that sings all my favorite songs is gay?"
    "Yes, several times, actually"
    :icon_redf
    :bang:
    (She talks about some other random stuff involving LGBT people, so far giving no opinion. No news is good news...?)
    "...I wouldn't wish it on any of my children, though."

    That kind of caught me off-guard. I decided to press just a little bit further.

    "Why?"
    "Well, they just struggle a lot with hate crimes and unequal rights"
    "Oh."

    She changed the subject after that, and I just sat and thought on it while she talked about random things.

    It's not that I think she's homophobic. She seemed to have no opinion on the matter, which is better than having a bad one, by far. Now that I'm more sure than ever about who I am, that conversation holds me back. I just don't want to break her heart, especially since bisexual people can sometimes get more hate from their own community - the "LG" of "LGBT" (mainly). What should I do? I don't want to come out yet, but I do want to at some point. My main concern is that she'll be heartbroken because her only daughter could be subject to bullying.

    P.S: I AM NOT SAYING ALL LESBIAN AND GAY PEOPLE HATE BISEXUALS. MY MAIN POINT IS THAT LESBIAN AND GAY PEOPLE DON'T HATE ON EACH OTHER, BUT SOME DON'T UNDERSTAND FLUID SEXUALITY/BISEXUALITY AND TELL PEOPLE TO "CHOOSE ONE" OR "STOP PRETENDING AND COME OUT".

    Any and all false information in this post is purely accidental.
     
  2. Sagume Kishin

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    I didn't get that from your post at all to be honest. And I don't think anyone here would approve of that at all.

    Can, not always. So I don't think you need to apologise :icon_wink
    Though the sentiment is appreciated.

    Her response is more or less completely neutral on the topic - it's natural to not want your kids to be LGBT - who would want your kids to deal with all the things it comes with?
    Especially if where you live is as bad as your post made me think it might be.

    I think you should see if you can find a way to breach the topic again in a natural manner that wouldn't make her suspicious of you to get some insight into her actual feelings on the topic.

    Good luck (*hug*)
     
    #2 Sagume Kishin, Mar 29, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2016
  3. lnamae

    lnamae Guest

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    ...It seems like from what you wrote that your mum is more concerned about her children if one of them were LGBT in terms of their welfare/happiness. She said that they have unequal rights, and receive more hate crime against them. She wasn't supporting the unequal rights, or the hate. Actually, saying that they do have unequal rights, is just implying that we should have equal, so yeah...

    From this, it makes me think that actually, she might be accepting, just worried. I would try and figure out her thoughts on it a bit more, and then think about coming out to her. If anything, a worried parent is always more worried when they suspect or know that there's a reason to worry, so you never know. She might actually be your biggest supporter. Take care in how you approach it.
     
    #3 lnamae, Mar 29, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2016
  4. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    Everyone's opinions can change. Yes, bisexual people as well as others in the LGBT community can get hate sometimes, so it's natural for your mom to be fearful of that just as a parent would fear and worry for many other things that can happen in their child's life.
    Like, parents often worry about their kids driving but that's a part of life. Parents worry about their kids getting their heart broken or making bad decisions or being sad. That doesn't mean these things don't happen or that kids living normal lives is a bad thing.
    Sexual orientation in this case is like any of those things. It's not bad. Yes there are risks, but there are with just about any other thing in life. So the best thing you can do is be yourself.
    I'm sure your mom has let you do a lot of things or seen you do a lot of things she's worried about in the past, but now she sees they aren't that bad. This is just like that.
    Of course, be safe. If the environment you're in wouldn't be safe for you to be open in to everyone then you shouldn't, but I think for your mom it would be something she gets used to. Even if she's scared or unsure, it will likely be just because she's worried and she'll probably be happy (or come to be) that you're being yourself and being brave to see that.
     
  5. Dingdang

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    When you're transgender and lesbian, it's way harder to come out. I haven't brought up the topic of LGBT people with my parents, but it appears as if they do not really support the transgender movement.

    You're actually in a much better situation than I am in, and I encourage you to tell your parents as soon as you're ready. If you take too long, then you're parents may think you were hiding your identity from them. This may come off as an instance of disrespect to authority, so you must make it clear that you were only trying to build up courage. Straight parents may have a hard time understanding this, but if your reasoning is valid, then you should be fine. I hope everything works out with your coming out. :icon_bigg

    ---------- Post added 29th Mar 2016 at 11:49 PM ----------

    And by the way, since you already told your grandmother, you can try to have her tell your parents about your identity. If I were in something like your situation, I would call my grandparents in China and tell my parents I'm transgender and lesbian while the grandparents can hear. With extra authority figures, the process should be easier. You can also invite the two friends over and tell your parents then, as they probably cannot negatively respond in the presence of friends.

    I hope these tips help. :icon_wink
     
  6. TheLionRoars360

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    I hope everything works out with your parents, thanks for this! This has been the most helpful reply. I know what you said sounds kind of simple, but I don't know, it has just slapped me in the face about the whole grandmother situation. Thank you so much! (!)(&&&):thumbsup: