I came out as lesbian to one close friend about a month ago and she took it extremely well, asking how I am in regards to my mental health and those sorts of things, she made me feel really comfortable etc. I had been questioning for about three years, there were lots of early signs in my childhood that never crossed my mind as strange until I began questioning. However, after I came out to her I began questioning again, and wasn't sure if this was because I was trying to cling towards any hope of being somewhat straight and thought maybe I'm bi. I have experienced with guys a lot in my teens and never found it anything special or had a real connection. Last night I couldn't sleep so I told myself to really try hard and imagine myself with a guy, both sexually and emotionally. This might in fact help someone else, but I found there was a big difference in imaginging having sex with a guy. At first I began imaginging it and I said it doesn't seem too bad, then I tried to make the thought more real, as in I really imagined how it would feel to in that moment be having sex with a man, flesh on flesh, rather than imaginging it and seeing it as some sort of porno in my head if that makes sense? I realised I wasn't interested, and in regards to an emotional connection ive always, since a little girl, felt distant from all men in my life whether it be cousins etc. I've never had male friends, can't even form a bond there? Woman just feel so much more safe and comfortable However I'm not entirely accepting of myself. I recently moved friendship groups, the people I hung out with, although they were nice, were very homophobic and weren't afraid of voicing it. You might think they're gay themselves but it was said in ways like 'Eww I heard that girls gay, so weird, I don't wanna talk to her incase she flirts with me' or 'Lesbians scare me, they're so ugly and butch'. For years I tolerated these comments and they hurt a lot, until I realised that these are not the sort of people I want as friends as I'm coming closer to fully accepting myself. So I moved friendship groups with my best friend of a couple years who is really supportive of the LGBT group but she doesn't know I'm gay yet, I want to tell her but just haven't found the right moment. I've gotten really bad anxiety the past year, I vomit a lot when I get my anxiety and feel sick. I can't get rid of the thought that somehow my old friends, who I still talk to by the way, know I'm gay and are talking badly about me. This makes me feel sick and naseous. I haven't been exactly hiding the fact I'm gay as much as I did. I like a lot of LGBT groups on Facebook which would come up on the newsfeed, I follow LGBT youtubers on Instagram and on my blog I reblog what I please and a lot of posts indicate I'm gay. although I'm doing all these things I still have the fear of them finding out, because I know what they'll think. I wish I didn't care and I wish I was confident enough to own who I am but I finish school forever in 7 months and I'm not sure whether to wait until I'm finished to fully come out as I probably will never see them or talk to them. I'm also nowhere near ready telling my parents but I've been hinting at it by going out of my way to indicate I have no interest in boys etc. What do you guys suggest I do?
I think you should come out to the people who are most likely to accept you and make you comfortable first. If you have anxiety, (And I'm no psychologist or anything so this is just an educated guess) hanging out with people who are making you anxious would definitely not help your situation. Physical and mental health comes first, so once you think you can handle it mentally AND you are (mostly) safe from physical harm, you should be in a safe environment to come out. But if you haven't accepted yourself yet, I would say that you should probably wait until you have. (If you do, great!) This is just some advice. I believe people should come out if they see fit, when they see fit, how they see fit. You do you boo boo
