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Realizing i'm gay and I'm scared to death and crying all the time.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by zachstin17, Apr 1, 2016.

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  1. zachstin17

    zachstin17
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    So I posted a earlier post and it has 100 views but did not get many respones and well I'm 17 year old guy and i'm scared to death realizing that i'm gay. Im not Christian but holding this in is literally taking my life over. I'm typing this after almost breaking down in front of my family at my brother birthday party. Im literally in the living room typing this while there eating. I have bean on the verge of crying allot lately and I am having a extremely hard time. I have only told 2 good friends that I trust and telling them how hard i'm taking it is making them walk to help me. The problem is that my family is very questioning when it comes to friends or me going to a friends house and talking privately with a friend would be very hard. I'm always having this painful falling feeling in my chest when I think about it, and i'm falling apart emotionally. I had to leave and act like I was going to the bathroom during dinner to go cry. I cant do this anymore and i'm afraid to death to tell my mother. I don't want my dad to ever know because he is a narcissistic horrible non understanding person. And telling my mom will basically me be telling my dad. I am scared and holding it inside is soo tiring. I am almost having panic attacks when i'm alone thinking about it. And crying at night wanting to have a boyfriend to talk to. Going to school is nightmarish hell my constant intruding thoughts and I cant function anymore. I don't know what to do. Here is my original post http://emptyclosets.com/forum/comin...g-terms-probably-being-gay-here-my-story.html
     
    #1 zachstin17, Apr 1, 2016
  2. ChillPenguin

    ChillPenguin
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I'm sorry you're going through this.

    It's difficult to provide advice unless you know your parents exact stance on homosexuality. And it's easy to find that out by asking them what they think about certain celebrities. Then pick a stereotypically gay one and see how they react. Or even by asking "Hey, this was on the news. What do you think of this?" Be creative though and don't make it obvious.

    Based on what you're saying you're in quite a unique situation. I'd like to ask a question if that's ok. You have asperger's, have hit people in the past, are failing school, and keep to yourself a lot. What makes you think your parents would give up on you now if they've accepted you after all that? Are you close to your parents? Can you talk to your brother?

    Another thing to note is there is no rush to tell your parents now. Sure it's fustrating and feels like a burden but it's better to be safe than sorry. It seems like you need some time alone to gather your thoughts. If you live in the countryside it would be a perfect opportunity just to go outside alone in the fields and lie down to calm down (Don't make your parents worry though). But the most important thing is it seems like you need someone to talk to. It can be a friend or someone at a LGBT centre if there's one near by.

    Also you're 17 now so it's not unreasonable to ask for a bit of independence. Unless your aspergers requires constant supervision?

    Hope anything of what I've said will be of use.
     
    #2 ChillPenguin, Apr 2, 2016
  3. zachstin17

    zachstin17
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    Thanks, No my asperger's is extremely high functioning. It should not even be called aspergers. I just mentioned it to mention it. You would not be able to tell I had asperger's unless you where a processional in that field. An I mentioned that I was always hitting kids. Well this was when I was around 7 years old or younger. I mentioned these just to provide my child hood past so I could provide my full story and personality. My mom I think would be ok with it but everyone else in my family would freak me out If I knew they knew. My dads side of the family are hardcore Mormons and my moms side are Baptists. I know for a fact that my moms side of the family are homophobic because they yell at the TV if anyone is gay.
     
    #3 zachstin17, Apr 2, 2016
  4. ChillPenguin

    ChillPenguin
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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    To be honest, it's not really the distant family that you need to be worried about. They can be avoided. It's just the close family that's the issue. It's great that you feel that you can trust your mother. But until you can trust your father (and brother), it's probably better and safer to keep quiet. I know that's not the answer you'll want to hear but it's for the best. In the meantime, if you can, try and get a part-time job and save up money in-case if anything does go wrong, you have a backup option. That will also give you something to focus on that isn't your sexuality. Hope this helps and remember you're not alone. :icon_wink
     
    #4 ChillPenguin, Apr 2, 2016
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