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Is It Normal to Experience This

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by flyingsublime8, Apr 1, 2016.

  1. flyingsublime8

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I feel as if I've never had a chance to come out for myself. It usually get the question "What's your sexual orientation" to which depending on the setting/ my comfortability level I respond with either what I normally say "Bisexual", half the truth "I guess sort of a kinsey 2 lol" or a lie "straight as a gate". It's led to a lot of frustration especially only recently realizing that I could also be happy and gay and that I deal with a great deal of internalized biphobia. I feel like I might actually be ready to start telling people this. How can you tell if your ready to come out? I feel like I've generally accepted/ tolerated myself but I haven't loved/ appreciated myself for who I am. Does coming out help with that process? I would just like some experiences and advice because I'm starting to feel really stuck where I'm at right now.
     
  2. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

    Joined:
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    Location:
    New England, US
    Sorry you're feeling that way. A lot of people struggle with accepting their sexuality, even when they're more confident in it.

    I'm still working things out myself honestly. But I have found trying to come out just to make yourself feel like you've moved on farther does not help, especially if you're trying to give people different labels, or a label that you're not entirely sure off yet.

    For example, I'm still questioning, and I've found that making other people think completely gay makes me feel worse and pressures me into believing things about myself that I'm not sure about yet. It makes me want to refute any evidence that I could be mostly straight or bi because that's not what other people know.

    Remember, it's okay to change your mind and your label. That doesn't change you. And if, for example, someone told you they were a certain orientation and then later on it was different, that wouldn't change much because it's their business what went into finding that and what they do is their life, just as it's your own life and it's totally okay to change your mind or not give people answers.
    Would you rather feel stuck but have come out or not tell people much but work on your own more towards getting used to things.

    It's okay to take your time, sometimes that's the best thing you can do. If that's what you need then do it. It's great you've had the courage to come out to people already! It's all a learning process, figuring out what's right at what time and what makes you feel good or not so good. Knowing this can help you learn more about how to do things in the future to best take care of yourself.

    Don't worry about anyone else right now. It may help to be honest about what you're feeling with just one person you're close to. That may help you feel better about it, but that doesn't mean you have to tell a lot of people right away either.

    Best of luck friend!