Mum *vent*

Hmmm, well, that's kind of a tough situation. I can't really give you advice from personal experience, but I have seen my friends go through similar situations (not about being gay, but where parents are just being.........parents :icon_wink).

From what you're saying, it sounds like your mom is still having trouble accepting you being gay (you can shoot me if i'm being redundant here). So I suggest you sit down with her one day and just straight out tell her that you know she's not comfortable with you being gay. Tell her that you never said you "weren't sure", and that even if you did (even though you didn't), that was a year ago, and you're absolutely sure of it now, and completely comfortable with yourself.
Tell her that this is who you are now and it's not going to change any time soon, and that she's just going to have to accept that fact eventually.
As for telling other people, ask her why you shouldn't tell the whole school. That is completely your choice.

Now, of course, when you sit down to talk to her about this, try to be as nice as possible - I know it's hard to not get all furious and explode in her face, but doing that will just make her mad. (I have had experience with this, and you probably have too). BUT, you do still want to get across that you're frustrated with her. So.....I don't really know how to explain it. I guess be frustrated, but not rude......if that makes sense.

Now, even if you go about telling her in the sweetest way possible, she may still get a little mad. In that case, you really just need to give her a little time. I know that may sound like more frustration, and it will be, but as long as you get the point across to her that you're sure of yourself, and that she just has to accept it, she will come around soon.

I hope this advice helps. Parents are some of the most difficult things in our lives to deal with. More so for us gays and bis. Good luck!

 

I'm sorry, I know how that can be hard. (*hug*)

My mom was telling me to stay in the closet less a month ago, and the first person I had come out to was telling me how I should stay in the closet since we go to a Christian college and she didn't want anything to happen to me.(you can be gay here - its just frowned upon). So I know how thats stressful.

Personally, what I've had to do was just try to see it from their perspective. They never had to go through the struggles we do. They don't understand the pain from being in the closet. But from their perspetive their is real harm when we come out to people. And in that way they can be affected.

But, there is hope. Just give her time, I'm sure she'll come around. My mom has begun to relax a bit about it, and my friend gave me a note apologizing and saying how she supports me. So yeah, stay hopeful!

 

hrm, well I tried :icon_wink lol. but erm, that changes things a bit.....I understand why you're iffy on the one-on-one conversation - they do wind up feeling very akward.
and the whole trophy daughter thing.....ehh, that's kind of a precarious situation. I really have no idea what to tell you there. I've never been in a situation like that and/or had a friend in such a place........
so the only thing I can think of now is just give it more time. when in doubt, time usually fixes most problems. sorry I can't say more!

good luck once again!

 

Hi heatqueen
Sounds as if you are extremely frustrated and I'm sorry. I think you just have to be a bit patient with your mum. By the sounds of it she reacted really well at first, which is better than what some parents are like.

intheattic is right about sitting your mum down and just having a talk about where you stand. She obviously isn't sure about how you are feeling about your sexuality. So tell her. Maybe there is a bit of denial on her part and you can help her get past this. Try not to get to upset by her.xxx

 

I'm a trophy daughter too, although more for my Dad than my Mum. And in most situations - not all, but those where the relationship is fairly good - parents are willing to put their kid's wellbeing before their own ability to show you off as their perfect little golden child.

And you never know - if you can convince her to accept that this is who you are and it's not going to change; she may realise that your bravery in coming out is something to be equally as proud of as anything else.

 

Poor Lucy. I guess you just have to be patient with her. She is pretty accepting, right, and doesn't give you a hard time about it? I suppose that's all you can hope for at this stage.

My Dad is pretty similar. He's accepting, but I think he still thinks/hopes that I will end up with a guy. Once we were talking, and he was saying he was glad he had one son and one daughter. And he said one reason for that was because then the family would end up balanced and the children-in-law wouldn't always be compared to each other, because there'd be a girl and a boy of each (he was being really annoying and stupid that day). And I was sitting there like"o.0" and then he suddenly looked at me and went "Oh, unless you end up with a female partner I suppose. You got there quicker than me." *sigh*

The only thing to do is just be patient with them; if you get the opportunity, reiterate that you're still sure, and if you ever do get a gf, take the initiative to talk about it.

 

Lucy, it kind of sounds like your mom is fine with you its just that SHE'S not ready to come out of the closet yet! She'd rather just keep things the way they are than have to explain things to all her friends. Its just another form of denial. Does that make sense? Its probably going to take some patience on your part. Maybe if you are close to any of her friends you could talk to them and open the closet door if you feel comfortable doing that.

 

Yeah, like Becky said. Sometimes its not just the kids who have to come out but the parents as well...and she might just have selective memory. Lol Sometimes, I get that really bad.