Why am I gay?

Well first of all, don't hate yourself for being gay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay.
Some of the things you mention have gone through my head in terms of telling people and fearing how they would react.
Are you certain that all your friends and family would not accept you? They may surprise you.
Remember though, only ever come out when your ready, don't force it.
It sounds like you may need to speak to a professional who will be better placed to help with advice and support. That would be the suggestion from me.
Of course you didn't choose this, we all have no choice in what sexuality we are.it's just who we are.
You need to embrace this and if you can accept yourself for who you are, then that's one major step!
I would urge you to speak to someone as talking about suicide is very worrying and there are people out there who can help!
Don't worry so much and the forum is here for you!
Your comments are not offensive in any way!!

 

You have just expressed what just about everyone else whom is struggling with their sexuality feels.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Before worrying about what other people in your life might think, I would suggest you look inwards at your self and find ways to build confidence in yourself.

As Outboy suggested, maybe there is a counselor or therapist you can talk to. Maybe you find a local LGBT support group that you can discreetly participate in.

Being gay is one of the greatest gifts I have every embraced in life. Your on a journey, stay on the journey with the objective of finding yourself and becoming comfortable with whom you are. And you too can find happiness and confidence.

i know its easier said than done, given its taken me 20 years to accomplish what I am suggesting you do - but I am nonetheless suggestion just that - embrace whom you are and learn to love yourself!

 

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with it. It must be terrible to live in such a homophobic environment.

Is there any way you can move overseas? I would make that my focus in life if I lived in a very homophobic place.

 

I know that it's scary to expose itself to somebody, but he's not there to judge you and he cannot reveal any information because of the professional secret
And maybe you can't say that you're gay to your family now but the right time will come and the consequences with

 

I live in a much more accepting environment and I have probably at times taken that for granted so I can't honestly say I know how you feel but after reading your post I wanted to just point out how strong and brave you come across. The fact that you have not allowed yourself to make the wrong choices - like getting a girlfriend and using her - is a sign that you firmly believe in who you are and you want to be true to that. That is a strength that many others will be very envious of.
I see how you feel like you hate being gay but I don't think that's what you really believe in your heart. Perhaps what you really hate is the way you are made to feel by external forces or your fear of them. Don't give up on yourself because there will eventually be a time in your life when you can use your strength to move on and find your happiness and none of this will matter because you won't have room in your life for any hate at all.

 

It's very understandable that you feel so helpless right now; it's a shitty situation but please don't go to the lengths of committing suicide over it, especially not when things can turn around.
If I were you, I would move to another, more accepting country once I was finished with University. I get the impression that it seems near impossible to live a genuinely happy life as a gay person where you live and I don't think that's something that you should accept and settle for as you deserve to be happy.
If you do plan to move I hope you'll be able to endure the pain for a bit longer. You can still find acceptance online, like here on EC for instance, that could maybe ease the pain a little bit.
Another tip is to (if you haven't already) binge-watch gay youtubers' videos. Personally, I tend to feel better about my sexuality when doing that

Also, about coming out to a therapist, I think you should be careful with that unless you know that they absolutely won't tell your parents or someone else about it. I've heard of such cases before and it wouldn't be good at all if that happened to you, so just be wary.

 

Conan, we are all here for you. If you ever need someone to talk to, there are plenty of people on the Internet that you can talk to and would be willing to help you out, please dont choose suicide, its not the answer. You are sooo close to being done with university and being out on your own. Like others have said, get the hell out of there! You need to take care of yourself before anything else, it might sound selfish but if you arent around anymore then you cant be there to help others.
Im sure your family loves you and want you to succeed in life, so succeed! Get your degree, move somewhere more accepting and send home your love via mail, text, phone call, money but go and live your life. Once you get out of university, you can get your feet on the ground and start actually living. Your still soo young, we all want you to live a long, happy and healthy life. We all love you and are here for you when ever you need us! Dont be afraid to message us. Much love!

 

As a fellow Middle Eastern, I truly understand how you feel, because I am expriencing the same thing.

The worst part is having romantic feelings for someone but we are unable to express it.
I guesss if I had a partner, who could I trust, life would be much easier.

However, I really don't hate myself for being gay and 'Nature intended us to be straight' is so wrong. Nature intended all creatures to be naked, So are we naked?! Nature intended us to die with diseases, So we don't visit doctors?! Nature intended Women to be able to reproduce every month. So are they having a baby all the time?!
The answer is No! Because Nature did not intend us to anything!

Well, brother, I hope we both can leave this region and find peace and love somewhere in this world or maybe Middle Eastern people accept LGBTQ+ people!

 

Conan, I look forward to the day when you and I post on this forum that we have found such peace with ourselves and are completely open and have found our true life partners.

It will come in its own time. I wish you much joy in the coming days and you and I must stay the course and let it all happen when it's time.

 

I'm sorry you feel so bad. Being gay in your country must be a very difficult experience. Here is some of what is going on for LGBT arabs in my country:

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2...s-a-place-to-dance-and-break-down-walls/?_r=0

UCLA LGBT Resource Center

There is also a gay and lesbian arab society in the US, but their website doesn't appear to be working. I actually wanted to go to a gay arab event last month but I had a scheduling conflict. It looked really interesting!

 

Hi Conan,
I can completely relate to what you are going through and the advice and support so many people have provided is amazing. The important thing is not let all of the stress and pressure get to you, I find that is the hardest part.
When there are not many positive images of gay people in the culture and environment around you it is easy to become overwhelmed with all the negative stereotypes of homosexuality and gay life and feel ashamed or think it is unnatural. Finding forums like this and also seeing people on youtube and on the internet/tv in positive gay relationships or being successful will help a lot. I have found seeking out these positive ideas really helps.
Hopefully one day your family and friends will realize they are wrong about gay people. All you can do is be yourself and show them that being gay is not a bad thing, in fact it is just one part of what makes you the amazing person you are!


Stay positive!

 

I don't know why I'm a lesbian and best believe I hate labels. But I'm proud of myself because I am being honest. Just because you see a heterosexual relationship doesn't mean it's healthy. When the time comes you'll know what to do because all we can do is give you advice. Sometimes people just want you to hear them out. I'm happy you got what you needed out your system. Now what are you going to do about the things you can change?

 

I totally get you. It is hard to live in a homophobic country. I am turkish, things are much better in here but still an open gay faces a lot of pressure, even though my family is relatively liberal, and my friends support lgbt, I didn't come out.

We cant live like this forever, we cant live a lie. I also am very sad to be gay, and I do see this as a flaw of me, like you do. But what we need to do is sit and say "ok, this is what I have as a problem, what can I do to overcome this?" We shouldn't live a lie, as I said, so we have to find a way to be able to live with this lie. We can't wait for things to get better, Middle East has a long way for gettintg rid of homophobia, traditions are so strict against us and it will take time for the society to break it down, even in here Turkey. So there's only one way, at least for me, going either to Europe or US. I probably am much luckier than you because I have a high chance of being able to go abroad for college and live there. But I advise you the same. Do everything you can to be who you are,ü and go abroad if you cant find any other way.

 

If you guys leave or continue to hide who you are how would it ever get better? There was a time, not that long ago where it was incredibly difficult to be a black person here in America. But they fought for change and they inspired others to fight with them to make that change happen. Yes it sucks that you guys are there in the worst of it and that you have to live through the worst part of history for gay people in your respective countries but someone has to pave the way so that future generations will have it better. You guys need to organize and gain support from sympathetic straight people within your country. Just 20 years ago there were Anti-gay marriage laws sweeping the USA. We fought to change that and now, just 20 years later that have all fallen. Someone has to be strong and fight the fight that needs fighting. No more running away. Its not wrong to be gay....most of the world believes that now. You need to believe that too.

 

Conan,
I have been visiting this board for awhile now and benefiting from the wisdom and inspiration of many of the posters, but I was so moved by your message that I decided to register and respond.

Whether you realize it or not, you are tremendously brave for being able to name your truth and give expression to your painful feelings. So much of what you have written is very much how I felt when I was your age. I cried reading your post, both for your current experience and from remembering myself as a scared kid with no outlet to process what I was feeling and experiencing. I am so glad you have found that here.

You're right, it's not fair that GLBT persons have to work through so many complicated feelings and struggle to self acceptance while our straight friends and family move into relationship and family life without much or any of the same angst. When I was your age, my constant prayer was to be straight, to fall in love with a woman and have a "normal" life. In time, I came to accept that such a life was not my "normal," not my truth, and would never lead me to lasting happiness. I am impressed by your unwillingness to become involved with girls and deceive or lead them on. To me, that really speaks to your strength of character and your clarity regarding your orientation.

My hope for you is that you will soon recognize how being gay has shaped who you are in a positive sense. In myself, I have come to realize that my compassion and empathy for others who feel lost, lonely, and misunderstood has been formed from my own experiences. I also have a strong insight, creative sensibility, and clever and witty sense of humor that I attribute at least partly to my gayness.

And, Conan, I'm going to tell you something that I know you've already realized--men are hot! And it's ok that you and I are men who find other men hot. I remember the shame you are feeling over it right now, but I promise you that in time your attractions will feel completely natural to you and will bring you joy and delight.

My young friend, you are loved and you are not alone. Please don't ever consider doing anything to hurt yourself. You are a special person with a lot of love in your heart and you deserve a great life. Like I said, it's not fair that GLBT persons have to work so much harder to achieve a great life for ourselves, but it's worth it. It's been a journey for me and I'm further along the path than you are at this moment, but I can tell you that there is light along the path. Take peace and strength for the journey from knowing you never walk alone.