1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My Father (Or lack of)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Wall, Feb 20, 2009.

  1. Wall

    Wall Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2008
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Something has been bothering me recently, even though it really isn't new. I have dealt with it all my life, never thinking twice most times, but its here, and it sucks ass.

    Let my start by telling you about myself, something which I rarely do, it will help you understand.

    Lets start at the beginning of time.... or at least the time I know.

    My father was arrested before I was even born. He and my mother weren't married, and I do hope no one ever marries him. Why do I wish such a thing? Because, he was a pedophile rapist. My sisters (Two sisters, one married, other not, both out of house) father was an abusive dick, who really didn't give a shit about them. Also my mothers parents weren't the best. The "Old Fashioned" kind lets say, even though much different now-a-days. So, yeah, my mother has had a shitty life, its been really hard for her, but it also makes her, a bit of a bitch herself.

    Back to me, i'm missing someone important in my life which I need, and I relise that. I have never had a fatherly figure in my life, and with extra bitchy pressure from my mother, and the lack of anyone to confide in, to hold, and other such things, the pressure is large. To this day, I have not have a real awesome friend that I can tell what I need to tell, and that is, in real life. Its not the same to talk about it here, and counseling sucks, I have tried it MANY times. I just need that person to hold and confide in, and a fatherly figure, ya know?

    I know that "it will get better" but that doesnt change right now. I dont really know why im posting, I have no idea how it will help but I am posting.

    Well, thanks for any comments.

    Love,
    James the Canadian.
     
  2. Melissa

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2009
    Messages:
    260
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Ah my friend. I understand some of what you're saying. My biological father was an absolute dick too. He wasn't around at all and I grew up without a father figure. Then two years ago my mom remarried, but it was a little late. At least my step-dad is a nice guy, a homophobe, but nice. ^^;
    Hah, yeah I find counseling unhelpful as well. We all need 'that person' though. I hope you'll find them soon. Until then, talk to others, I, myself hope to fill a certain void by doing that. You're a good person. Keep strong. :slight_smile:
     
  3. James

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    PEI, Canada
    I understand what you're going through. I, myself have a father but he's never there and chooses drugs over anything, including me. Growing up he was never there, either out drinking or doing drugs in his room.

    Has your mom tried looking for another boyfriend? have you opened up to her about how you're feeling? a year ago I started breaking down and telling my mom that I wanted a real father, someone that would do things with me and take me places like a real father would, and I can tell you right now... it helped ALOT. Things are changing for the better lately, and I couldn't ask for anything better.

    If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me whenever. Also, my name is James and I'm Canadian too :wink:
     
  4. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Not sure how old you are - I guess I could go back through older posts and look, but I'm a lazy SOB. But whatever your age, if you think you're missing out on some male-bonding of the traditional sort, father figures and whatnot, you might talk to your mother about it. Not so she'll go date/marry someone for your benefit, but because there's often several alternate options. I don't know what's available in Canada, but here in the States, we have things like the Big Brother program, and the Boys Club. Since you Canadians are light years ahead of us when it comes to social programs, I'm sure you've got something similar there which might help. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  5. TheRoof

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2008
    Messages:
    405
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NY
    i understand what you mean. i, too, live w/ my mom and my sister,
    and i only stay w/my dad for 3-4months per year so yea...it kinda sucks in a way, cuz i feel like i need some male-bonding w/someone else but that's lacking in my life so...
    it's fine for me tho, cuz sometimes (actually a lot of times) i feel like my dad's more immature than i am.
     
  6. stilsurchin

    stilsurchin Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2009
    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    British Columbia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Wow. I just finished my own thread about my son. Firstly, I hope you can move on from the past, it will only serve to keep you there. I know that sounds cliche but I do know how much damage you can do to yourself by dwelling on something you can't change. That being said I agree with Lex. Let us know your age and we can go from there. Here I am having estrangement issues with my own son and seeing someone crying out for a father damn near breaks my heart. Let us know, we ARE HERE for you.
     
  7. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    :slight_smile: I do the same thing. Posting these things and having seen the 'view' count helps releive stress and tension knowing SOMEONE at least KNOWS of my problems. Just let it flow! :slight_smile: That's my good sage advice.
     
  8. Wall

    Wall Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2008
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Its not about the past. I seriously dont give a damn about my father. Its just that I need a father or fatherly figure to do things only fathers can do.
     
  9. stilsurchin

    stilsurchin Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2009
    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    British Columbia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Well, I'm not sure where you are but that doesn't really matter. I know that space separates us but I don't mind taking on another son if I can give you one on one advice or you need to rant. Connect with me on my wall if you're interested. I have nothing but time and my life to give.....