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recent conversations with my mother.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by everybodysxfool, Feb 21, 2009.

  1. everybodysxfool

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    i dont know what to make of it..

    Mom: I'd prefer you being with a boy, over a girl...
    Me: Why?
    Mom: I just dont think I'd be able to see you with a girl... and I want to have grandchildren..
    Me: You could still get grandchildren mom...
    Mom: I mean, I would just be upset if you were because of the prejudice YOU would have to face.
    Me: There's not as much hate in the world for gays as there used to be.. many people are more accepting
    Mom: I'd just rather you with a guy.. becuase.. well.. im just going to stop talking.

    Now for this one I'm not quite sure what we were even talking about but she said somethinig like..
    Mom: I wouldn't want to do that it's so gay
    Me: How is that gay?
    Mom: Like, stupid
    Me: oh okay, that makes sense....

    then she kept referring to a guy on Idol as "the fruitcake" and I asked her 3 times to stop calling him "the fruitcake" and when she kept saying it, I got up and walked out of the room.

    I get so upset after having these conversations because it just makes me think she will never accept me. But then again some of the things she says makes me think she might just be more worried for me. Most of my friends know and they are totally cool with it, so I know I'd always have support no matter what.. I just hope my mom can accept me. What do you guys think about what she says? Does it sound kind of homophobic, or just unsure about everything? I think I drop enough hints that she SHOULD know about me but maybe im not.
     
  2. silverhalo

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    (*hug*) Im sure she will come round I think it sounds like she is quite worried for you, and that in time she will come around and support you just like your friends.
     
  3. Bryan44

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    It seems as if she might know something, and she is giving you hints that she doesnt really want you to be lesbian. She doesnt sound completly homophobic, it just sounds like she might have some trouble understanding where you are coming from. My mom says stuff like that all the time, about grandchildren, and being with a girl, the whole nine yards.But I just let her keep talking..I know that when I do tell her she'll struggle at first, but I am her son, so I just hope for the best.
     
  4. Greggers

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    From that first convo you had with her, it really seems that she DOES know :slight_smile:

    ...and thats not a bad thing. Your mother obviously loves you, but she grew up in a different time. Its hard for parents to admit there child is gay when they think that means all this horrible things will happen to you. But like you said, its just that the case anymore. The world is a slightly brighter place outside in this day and age. It might help if you show her that you -ARE- a lesbian. Then she has to accept it, and when parents realize they have to accept it they tend to. You can give her some PFLAG material, you can watch movies like "For the bible tells me so" and "Prayers for Bobby" or other such videos. And tell her not to do things like say gay for stupid or call someone a fruitcake, and yes if she does not stop walk out. She will not keep doing it if it means you keep walking out on her. Parents have to love you, its keep inside them buried in there so much that you can never take it out.
     
  5. Mirko

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    Hi there and welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    It sounds like that she is suspecting something. Only come out to her though when you feel ready and you think the time has come for her (or your family) to know. Go with whatever you feel comfortable with.

    It seems that she is worries about you which might very well stem from her suspecting and maybe not being really sure about how to approach it. At times, parents do need an adjustment period. Parents have dreams and wishes for their child/children. Sometimes, it can take a little while until they can let go of them and 'adjust'. But you can help in that by educating her and by reassuring her that it is going to be okay.

    I hope this helps a bit!
     
  6. beckyg

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    It seems like she does know and is trying to convince you to change your mind. Crazy, I know. lol You need to give her some education like Greg said. She has some fear issues that only you can erase.
     
  7. The Enigma

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    Its not just the kids who have to come out but the parents too--that's a firm belief I hold. And it sounds like she's not homophobic but just worried about you, mentally it seems. That's a very good sign and she may lash at all things queer to vent her frustration. For a parent, so I think, finding out an offspring has decided to be gay is kind a blow to their pride in their child because of the looming sense of mediocrity and ostracism.

    Just have confidence in yourself and she will come around, eventually.
     
  8. Psychedelic Bookmarks

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    It definately seems like she's picked up your hints. If you want to bring this into the open with her, you could try printing out some PFLAG materials and showing them to her. Try to reassure her, and tell her that hiding yourself and being someone you're not will hurt you much more than the ignorance of all the (fewer and fewer) bigots in the world.

    I think maybe you ought to talk to her about this directly, because it definately seems like she suspects, and if you just leave her to stew over it in her own mind, she'll probably come up with all sorts of denial and misconceptions. Whereas if you talk openly about it, she's more likely to realise that you're still the same daughter you ever were and that she wants to support you.
     
  9. everybodysxfool

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    thanks everybody. everything you all say does help.. i am waiting for the right time to tell her. i think i might tell my dad first because he seems more open-minded. thanks again :slight_smile:

    i wish she would just flat out ask me so i could tell her. i know it's not that easy though haha.