Hello all! I've almost always known I was a lesbian, but denied it and really tried to be straight, after I came out of a relationship with a girl when I was 16, I met my husband. I ended it with her becuase I was too afriad to tell anyone about her, and I wanted to stay in the closet. But then I met my husband, and he became my best friend. I really always loved him, as a friend. Intimate encounters has always been a bit wierd and mostly I do it to hurt myself. As a form of self-harm. Afterwards I cry. The thing is, I was so afriad to let anyone know that I was gay, so I had two kids and got married with him. And now I feel terrible. He knows I'm gay and he fully supports me, but at the same time, he doesn't want to get a divorce, even when I tell him, that's what I want. He still wants to be with me. I feel terrible, because he is my best friend and I want him to be perfectly happy, but I'm not happy, not at all, I want to get a divorce and come out, but it feels terrible. I don't want him to get hurt. I feel like I've tricked him and betrayed him. At the same time I'm scared to be single, and I'm scared what other people in the gay community will think of me, since I've been married to a man for 2 years, have two kids and been in this relationship for a total of 8 years...
This seems to be the theme of the day. You are not alone. On this forum you will find a new post everyday of someone just like you trapped in a straight marriage. I too was with a man for 8 years and married for 2. I left when I was 26 you're only 23 so you're a few years ahead of the game. I left and was also afraid to be alone. But that's an unwarranted fear. You will find your future wife she's just out there waiting for you to have the courage to go out and look for her. I found mine within 6 months after I left my husband. My wife and I have now been married for 20 years and we have a beautiful daughter together.
I am sorry that you are going through this. Believe me when I say that you are not alone. I am in a very similar situation. Husband, kids and all. Hugs to you
We almost have the same background then, it feels good to know that I'm not alone. This is so very hard, since I love my husband as a friend, I don't want him to feel hurt, but I need to start thinking about me, and what I want. I'm also scared of being alone, since I met my husband when I was 16, I've almost never been single. ---------- Post added 13th Apr 2016 at 09:14 AM ---------- Yeah, it's terrible, I'm gonna come out to my mum in a couple of days, becuase last time I told her that I wanted to get divorced, she didn't support it at all, and I need her support, so I think, if I tell her that I'm gay, then maybe she will understand why I need to get divorced.
You may want to consider reviewing the threads in the "later in life" section. Putting age aside, the vast majority of discussions relate to your exact situation and I think you may find it extremely helpful if you have not done so already.
This is exactly the situation I am in. I met my husband when I was 15. (shortly after my best friend whom I was in love with, also a female, moved away) I got into the marriage knowing I was more interested in females but didnt want to be alone. We are now 12 years into our marriage. (I ended up pregnant shortly after we got together so we married when I was 16) In every sense he is my best friend. He knows Im into woman and supports me. I want to leave and be happy but fear it would ruin us as friends as well as possibly my children and how they feel. Its a struggle for sure. You are not alone.
Thank you, so much. I needed this. It's so hard every day. We're signing the papers in a couple of days and I'm so nervous, because I care about him, I don't want him to get hurt, but instead I'm getting hurt. Our relationship is destroying me, so this is for the best, even if it feels terrible.
It sounds like you need to get out of the relationship for your mental well-being and happiness. You should be grateful you are not like many of those on here who end up staying in a relationship for 20+ years before getting to the point where you are at. Many of us take longer than you before we come out and start dating someone of the same gender (myself included) Being only 23 years old, there is more than enough time to find someone special you are really compatible with... Most relationships are not even that serious until around that age anyway (at least from my experience/observation)
