So... I already said hello "upstairs" in the welcome thread, but I'll give a little background so I don't have to backtrack and explain myself. Sorry for how long this is, but it's been inside me for a very long time. I'm a trans-man and gay (I've known since I was eight) and so deep in the closet I've got cobwebs and dustbunnies for pals. :eusa_doh: I'm an FD paramedic in a very large city, in a state not known for being LGBT-friendly. I've had my share of fist-fights. (I'm not out, but I dress as a man as often as I can - people think I'm just an adorable *hack gag* "tom-boy".:bang: My fault, I suppose, for not coming clean with folks. When I first met my husband 10 years ago (he's military, like me), I was upfront with him about almost everything. I told him: I'm no girly-girl, I'm not domesticated by any sense of the word - I don't cook, I don't clean. I swear like the Sailor I am, I drink like the Irishman I am, I like to fight and drink and ride my Springer like a demon, and I probably have a bigger cock than most men. He was cool with it, and we've been together since. So, flash forward a decade... I had a very intense convo with my paramedic partner (he's an uber-male gay, very much my type. We've been working together years.) So, two nights ago on our lunch break, he pops off with this: (edited for brevity) Danny: "Pete, you know you're not a woman, right?" Me: (Looks down my pants.) "Yes I am. I like men. I'm married to a man." Danny: (waves his hand) "So? How long have you known?" Me: "I. Like. MEN." Danny? "You're a trans man who likes men. I'm only telling you this because I love you, and you're fucking miserable. Get help. Talk to someone if you won't talk to me. And for fuckssake, tell DJ. He has a right to know." Me: "Fuck you Danny. You're high. I'm just...I identify with my masculine side." Danny: "You only have a masculine side. I've seen you fight." Me: "Whatever. I'm done with this conversation, partner." Then I came here. I found myself saying (well, writing) the words: I'm a man. It was very freeing. Now, I'm one of those guys who, once I get the bit in my teeth, so to speak, I'm very single-minded about doing something. You know, damn the torpedos, full speed ahead. And I want to come out really really bad. I want to tell my husband, but I'm pretty sure he's gonna freak. He's an Alpha-Uber-Male, in Special Forces, and in the past, he's said some very unpleasant things about LGBT folk (and oh Lord the knock-down-drag-out fights that's caused.) I'm sure he'll point to the door and tell me to GTFO. Ugh. NOW what do I do??? I'm rambling. But that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Wow. I tend to ramble, eh? Thanks for listening. (Why do I have this bad feeling I'm going to look back on this post and just DIE of embarrassment???)
I'm with you on the wanting to come out so bad. I've told my mom and a few friends. I'll be posting my story on here, too. Reading your post helped me go...Phew I'm not alone.
Hey, glad my story helps you. And I'm glad you've at least come out to your Mom and a few others. I spent today doing hypotheticals in my head (about coming out to family). In the past, I've sorta got a feeling for their general views, so this is what I have: Dad: He'll call me a goddamned perv and tell me to see a shrink. Mom: Will cry and deny it. Brother: Will go back to calling me a faggot. (which will probably result in a fistfight like it always used to when we were younger) Sister: Might be okay with it, but she's a hard read. Older Son: He won't care. Younger Son: Will be so excited he'll want to run out and tell all his friends (bless his heart) Husband: Could go either way. Accept me or hate me. Don't know. So I'm still bouncing back and forth about the whole coming out thing. *shrug*
Wow that's quite a lot of coming out to yourself you've been doing. I don't know if you know a whole lot about the trans community, I don't, but I've been learning a lot lately and it might be good for you to learn a little more about all the different forms of gender expression before you start coming out to the people closest to you. I would guess that the first thing they will ask you, after asking you the how do you know/how long have you known questions, are questions about surgery and hormones and stuff like that. I'm going to guess it is early for you to be thinking about those things. But for people who don't get that there is a huge range of gender expressions, the only think in physical terms. So, in addition to the obvious advice of support groups and therapy, maybe you can look up some TED talks and some books on gender expression and the non-binary, etc., and think about what does being a man mean to you.
If you think he'll kick you out, make some Financial arrangements before hand. That sounds a little cold but you don't want to be couch surfing and grieving the relationship at the same time.
