Sooo I've been questioning my sexuality for a few years now. Past year has been tough but I came to terms with the fact I'm probably gay. Little background story, when I was little I had kissed girls, I had a girlfriend at 11 but never thought twice about my sexuality as I couldn't imagine being anything but straight. I'm also very feminine, I defy all the stereotypes of a lesbian... Anywho. My brother came out as gay before I began to really question, and I think his coming out was hard for me as selfish as it sounds. I heard a lot of my parents negative comments about it when he wasn't around, same as my other sibling. I still do hear these comments, nothing homophobic but here's an example, the other day I was telling my other sibling (not the gay one) how I don't want kids, and they said 'You have to have kids with me!! Our other siblings gay'. In all honesty though I'm kind of becoming confident in who I am and I accept myself, but I still fear other people's judgement. I came out to a close friend a month ago and it went well. However afterwards I began to question again and more intensely, I couldn't believe I, me.... came out as gay. And I'm sill questioning now thinking maybe I'm bi. My friend was shocked when I came out saying she did not expect or see it, I thought I made it obvious though lmao. This is probably because in my confusion and denial stage I had a lot of (unenjoyable) sexual encounters with men and people perceived me as the school 'slut' or whatever so I can understand her surprise. I have two best friends that don't know yet though. I'm ready to tell one I just haven't found the right time as she's quite strange when talking about feelings or something remotely 'deep'. And the other has shown support for LGBT people but makes stupid comments sometimes. BUT yesterday I was at her house, we got really stoned and somehow got into the topic of gay people, she then looked at me weirdly and goes 'It would be hard knowing whether your gay or not, but what I want to know is how someone can find out whether someone else is gay?' and she looked at me strangely and I think she might know??? but I'm not sure I'm torn what to do and I've withdrawn from coming out to anyone because I'm still questioning after my first coming out encounter. Is this common to do this? I'm so confused
Hi! First off, congratulations on coming out to that friend! And no, you're not alone. Sometimes I question too. Who do I really like?! And it's not easy. But I also think the very act of questioning is an indication. Some people who through their whole lives without questioning at all because they're Kinsey 0 straight or Kinsey 6 gay and good for them, but most of us sway around in the middle. I think what confirmed that sexuality was, at the very least, Not Straight was falling for someone (for real) for the first time, and it was a person of the same sex. I had had "crushes" before but they'd all felt kinda fake and forced. Then I had a moment where a mechanism within me "clicked" like "OH, so this is what society's been talking about ALL THE TIME in all those damn romantic comedies and love songs!!" At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what group or subset of people you're attracted to. As long as you end up in a relationship with someone you truly love. And if you're single (which is totally fine; I am, and it's great), who really cares? Be attracted to who you're attracted to and try not to overthink it
