So I'm not going to tell my crush that I like him, but I just want to let him know I'm gay. The other day, after a series of racism that he found out I was dealing with, he seemed really pissed off at everyone involved. He told me that he's there for me if I ever need him. To add on he even threatened to punch one of them in the balls because of a situation at lunch. He's kind of become my own bodyguard even though I don't need one. After all this went down, I found out that I'm his favorite person on the track team. I can do almost no wrong in his eyes. I think he also may know I'm gay because I kind of told the Dean of Students at my school. She called him down to talk to him which is how he found out about the racist remarks in the first place. I'm guessing she told him to be supportive. Anyway, I've never been this close to him before and I don't want to lose that. I want to come out to him, but I'm worried that it'll ruin our friendship which is really important to me. I'd love any feedback if you have it! And if you do think I should come out, how should I do it? I've only done it twice before and it had to be over text for distance reasons.
Coming out to crushes whom you don't know the sexual orientation of can be risky business. Unfortunalely horror stories about coming-outs gone wrong spread a lot faster than the happier ones, but from my experience, the good outcomes far outweigh the bad ones. I've been out to everyone since mid-November, so my orientation is no secret to my classmates, but my love-life, only to a few. I've got a pretty tragic track-record in terms of crushes, but silver-lining; I've got lots of experience in terms of what NOT to do that I can give to others. So, on that note; actual advice time! A while back, I was in a similar scenario (probably about mid-January?), Valentine's Day was right around the corner, so I managed to build up the courage to confess how I felt to my crush, a guy named Jake. I had admired this kid from afar since like 7th grade, and he always striked me as "odd" compared to the guys he hangs out with, so I thought maybe I had a chance. I was foolish. Seeing him now, I realize this guy is as straight as a stripper pole, and deep down I knew that back then too. But I still wanted closure; accepted or rejected, I was tired of crushing blindly, and wanted to move foreward, one way or another. So I did the only thing in my power to do; I wrote him a letter, and snuck it inside the case of his school iPad when he wasn't looking. This letter revealed EVERYTHING I was feeling, and sounded more like an apology for how I felt than anything else. Perhaps that's the reason why he reacted the way he did.,. The following day after I gave him the letter, Jake came up to me after the end of my second period class, and told me he wasn't interested, albeit the nicest way he possibly could, it still broke my heart for the longest time, and still aches a little every time I see him, but I don't regret what I did. Neither of us have any hostilities towards eachother, he seems happy, and I'm searching for love elsewhere. Best ending I could've realistically hoped for. Moral of the story; be honest, be direct, and if you can't muster up the courage to tell your crush in person, go for the note tactic, BUT ONLY THE NOTE! Don't have someone else tell him for you, that's perhaps the WORST thing you can do, since the person may not accuratly convey how you feel, and you might risk gossiping.
By the sounds of it, this guy wants to support you any way he can and seems like a genuinely nice guy, so I sincerely doubt he'd take a sudden U-turn and hate your guts over something like your sexuality, especially having shown that he won't stand for you being bullied. Stick to just coming out for now, and see how he responds. If he responds particularly well, then you can start thinking about whether you want to admit your feelings to him
Very true, I hadn't really thought of that. I just need to stop getting myself worked up over the worst case scenario, and focus on the benefit this will have in my life. Thank tou both for the responses!
