1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How nervous were you when you came out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ellyy, Apr 15, 2016.

  1. ellyy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2014
    Messages:
    239
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    -
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    What were your feelings as you came out?

    And how did you manage to push through them and just rip the band aid off and speak your truth?

    I'm still fully in the closet but I can imagine I'd be close to having a panic attack announcing my sexuality to someone else.
     
  2. guitar

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    2,062
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Southern Ontario, Canada
    My first time was a friend who inadvertently found out so u told him to meet me on Skype. Several software updates and connection failures later which was easily one of the longest half an hour of my life.

    Each time I came out the adrenaline was pumping and I was on edge.
     
  3. Bluesteel

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2015
    Messages:
    89
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've only come out to one person so far and she is a psychologist that specializes in LGBT issues. But even making the phone call to her was extremely nerve racking to me, for starters I'm married and have to hide what this therapist specializes in, in fear of my wife finding out. But the entire week leading up to my appointment I was having serious anxiety, I wanted to cancel the appointment so many times, but thankfully I didn't. When the day came and I was walking to her office my heart was beating soo fast I thought I was going to have a heart attack. My palms were super sweaty I was shaking I was a complete mess. But after we introduced ourselves she asked me what was going on, and I told her first thing that I was gay... and let me be honest with you it was the biggest weight lifted off my shoulders she made me feel so comfortable and welcomed. It was a great experience.
     
  4. Fromslahen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2016
    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dublin
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    The first person I came out to was my mam, and it took me about a week to work up the nerve. I kept waiting until she was the only person around, striking up a conversation and then losing my resolve. In the end it went perfectly fine, but I almost couldn't believe I had actually done it for about a day afterwards.
    Since then, everyone else I've come out to has been over messaging, and they all took it really well! It's definitely a big obstacle to surpass the first time you do it, but every time has gotten easier, and it makes me feel so much more at ease around my friends now they know. There's no need to rush it, but once you have done it feels like an enormous burden is lifted off your chest
     
  5. Hatsune Miku

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    260
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Narnia
    I was terrified when I came out as bi. didn't even want to come out but my parents found out that I was browsing LGBT stuff online so I kinda had to. wasn't really nervous at all when I came out a few months later as genderfluid, but I was extremely depressed. (in fact I actually came out as genderfluid in a suicide note)
     
  6. Alder

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2014
    Messages:
    1,145
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Wandering
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I was absolutely terrified when I came out about liking girls to my friends. (I was too unsure about my gender at the time to bring that up at all, that's for another day)

    The first time telling my friends I like girls was difficult; I couldn't bring myself to say what I wanted to say out loud so I wrote a few sentences down on paper and showed it to them. We were then able to open up the conversation from there. I'm glad I told them, because after telling my first few friends it was easier to tell everyone else, and eventually I was open about it on social media. It wasn't as bad as I thought, and I'm glad I came out with at least that part of myself (just the "I like girls" part <--literally how I defined it to others, as pretty open ended. Didn't use any labels, and most of them didn't pry that much for details).
    My life went on as normal with my friends, and after they had their chance to ask a few questions it all settled back down. I count myself lucky on that end.

    Telling my mom was about a hundred times more terrifying; it's honestly debatable how well that turned out. I started crying a bit sometime in the middle but was able to more or less attempt to answer her questions (there were a lot). For her, I also wrote a bit on paper to show her, and then talked to her face to face after that.

    My gender, which came in a bit later, is another story. Haven't told anyone in real life yet, and am not ready to either. Everything is pretty damn scary still. Going by how long it took to come out with my sexuality, gender might take a year or two more.
     
    #6 Alder, Apr 17, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2016
  7. Thereishope

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2014
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    The first time I went to a therapist —I was 20, I think— it took me about 6 months to actually bring up the topic, and I was super nervous. I went to a different one last year and right on the first session I just told her what brought me there, so I was happy I had the courage to be straightforward about it from the first meeting. Coming out to a therapist is still scary but also comforting since it's a "safe" and non-judgmental space.

    However, I'm still trying to find the courage to tell my friends, and hopefully then my family. But when I hang out with a close friend of mine, the very thought of bringing up this topic terrifies me, specially cause she never asks anything about my love life assuming I just want to keep that private... Maybe writing it on a piece of paper or something, like Alder did, would help! at least to get the conversation going.
     
  8. YuriBunny

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2014
    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    I'm an introvert; I live in my head.
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It got to the point where not telling anyone was more painful than telling them. I wrote a coming out letter to my parents. When they came to me to talk about the letter, I started crying out of nervousness, and was shaking badly. My dad hugged me to calm me down.

    It gets easier with practice. Now I can come out casually in conversation without crying, though I might still be shaking a little.
     
  9. Jellyfish Clear

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2016
    Messages:
    179
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Empire of Mahou
    Gender:
    Female
    Very. It took a month of actually working up the courage then when I did it was the worst 10 minutes of my life. I felt just so nervous and embarrassed but it felt better after having told someone.
     
  10. LRyuzaki3

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2016
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    I was very nervous for some people and not nervous at all for other. For example, I was not nervous coming out to my parents because I had hinted at being gay over the past few years. They had though i was bi, but coming out as gay wasnt a huge shock and I knew they were accepting. My advice is, remind yourself that this is who you are- it doesn't define who you are, but it is an important aspect of your character. The people who love you should be accepting no matter what
     
  11. silverdeer

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2016
    Messages:
    328
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I know just how you feel.

    Here is how my coming out experiences were:

    Therapist - I simply told her over a text and then just tossed my phone and laid in fear and was very stressed to see her response. It was all good though :slight_smile:

    Mom - Handed her a letter and then ran in to my room. I then blasted music on my headphones for over 2 hours because I was more stressed then I had ever been in my life and I didn't talk to her until way later that night.

    Anyways while it was pretty stressful coming out it really was good for me as I couldn't sleep and I had constant stress. So to get a quick bit of stress, sleep, and be open feels a lot better :slight_smile:
     
  12. salad

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2016
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Miami
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Coming out to my friends was no issue, since I already knew they were LGBTQ+ supporters. However, I was extremely nervous and scared about coming out to my parents. When I did, my father refused to speak with me for a while. My mother (who is learning to accept me) comforted me for a bit, but blamed my friend for "influencing" me. She refused to listen to me when I told her I've felt queer for many years. Even so, I have hope that they'll accept me one day.
     
  13. Embi

    Embi Guest

    I was really nervous when I came out to my closest friends even though they never seemed homophobic or anything (and aren't). But I still had a big lump in my throat and almost couldn't say it out loud. I really had to force it out and it was really silent and I didn't say "bisexual", I said "bi", because I wasn't capable of more. In the end it feels good though, which is why I want to come out to everyone now. But I need more courage.
     
  14. PlaidGlove

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2015
    Messages:
    245
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I was very nervous beforehand but later, I was also very relieved. To me it was a sense of finding myself again, like I was dusting off of a shelf I had neglected to care for but which also contained some of the most precious and beautiful parts of my heart and soul.

    Do you know someone who is out whom you trust? It might be easiest to come out to them first. The trust part is important in the sense that you trust them to let you set the pace for your coming out rather than risk them blabbering.

    If you know and rehearse what to say beforehand, it may help you to process your anxiety. You could rehearse in front of the mirror or just out loud to yourself as though you were talking to that other person.

    You could ask them if they have a moment to sit down and chat and then put it something like this:

    "Hey, can I talk to you about something? It's something that's kind of weighing on me and I just feel like I need to tell someone. I hope it's OK if I tell you, and I want you to know that I want to tell you because I trust you. If you don't feel comfortable with that, just let me know."

    The other person should be saying (or at least thinking) something along the lines of "Sure, no problem. And thank you for trusting me."

    "So, I want to tell you because I guess you've been through this before. The whole thing seems really scary to me, so I'm hoping you could give me some advice and support: I don't have it all figured out yet, but I think I'm into women."

    At this point, the person you're talking to should hug you. Tight. And tell you it's going to be OK and then you can talk about what scares you and why, etc.
     
  15. Chicagoblue

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2015
    Messages:
    376
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    chicago
    very nervous coming out to old hetero friend. told him over breakfast and he was just staring at me. Handled it ok I guess. I felt a bit of a weight lift from my shoulders.
     
  16. looking for me

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    3,791
    Likes Received:
    869
    Location:
    on the Rock, Newfoundland and Labrador
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    i came out frist to a counselor and that wasnt too bad because i knew every thing was confidential and i could drop her if i needed to. the second time was to my teenage son, that was a bit nervous for me, not because he wouldnt accept but i didnt want to drop a load on him. then came my parents...... i was terrified. i cried and everything but it all went ok. that was about my sexuality and now i have to tell them about my gender.... my son and counselor already know, but im waiting on a gender specialist first to get every thing squared away in my head.
     
  17. malachite

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2009
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Orlando
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Only to my family.
     
  18. Silvermind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2016
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vermont
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I was reeeaaalllyyy nervous. I started to tell my friend, but then backed out of it half way through:bang: She was kind of confused, and I stayed silent for about five minutes, until she just straight up asked me. I could barely even respond to her question, but I felt so much better afterwards. It's a great feeling to finally come out.
    I hope that when you come out it goes well, and even if it doesn't, at least you're out?
    Good luck!:icon_bigg