Hi guys, This is my first post here, but I've been a long time lurker. As a bit of background, I've known I was different since I was 12 or 13. I guess though, for as long as I can remember, I never was really interested in girls. It took a while, along with a supportive group of friends, and some professional help, but I finally was able to admit to myself and others that I was gay. Yet, at the same time, I had small periods of time where I thought, at least briefly, about women. For me, it seemed like a little bi-curiosity, and never really affected anything. I've never been too attracted by women. But then a few weeks ago, I started randomly wondering, "Could I have been wrong? Could I be bisexual or straight?" There was no real reason to start wondering this, it happened a little randomly. Another thing I've realized recently is that I'm a bit obsessive about things. I often times take something and blow it out of proportion, or act a bit OCDish about things. I'm not sure if I actually have the disorder, but often times I feel like I do. But that's not really the central issue here. So I started wondering and doubting myself, and asking myself every time I see a good looking woman, "Am I attracted to her?" Sometimes, I feel like I'm tricking myself into saying yes. I've always been able to identify or notice an exceptionally beautiful woman. Even before I could get slightly or moderately attracted to REALLY hot women, although mostly just models. But now I feel like I'm either purposefully denying their attraction, or purposefully wondering about it. I've taken a little doubt and expanded it, until now, thoughts like it have consumed my mind. I haven't been able to sleep or concentrate. Every time I get off I end up wondering about who I'm attracted to, instead of focusing on the pleasurable aspects of it. In the past, I've gone through small phases where I looked more intently at/thought more about women, but it was mainly just for a day or two, and never found any of them stunningly beautiful. Very rarely did I consider a girl hot. Even now, in this doubtful strange phase, I still never really consider very many girls (in fact, I've found maybe about 2 or 3 total, my entire life) hot. I wonder to myself, "Is she attractive?" and sometimes fantasize about sex with women (like... recently), but when it comes down to it in real life, I rarely notice women, but notice sexually appealing qualities about men all the time. Even if women pop into my fantasies now, I still mainly focus on men. Everything about men is attractive to me, both emotionally and sexually. I've had huge crushes on men, and rarely anything more than an appreciation for women. I just don't know. I had accepted myself, and now a single doubtful thought is consuming my mind. Consuming everything I thought was true about myself. It's painful. I can't sleep, I can't enjoy anything, I'm just so... confused. I feel like I'm going insane. :bang: I'm just wondering if anyone has experienced feelings anything like this and what your opinions are about my situation. I realize labels are essentially pointless, but I cannot feel confident/well until I've talked about it, and gotten opinions. I, or others, may not like labels, but I'd feel so much better if I could use something to identify with. I hope you can understand where I'm coming from here. Please, help! :help:
I can definitely relate to you. Although I'm more caught between being lesbain or asexual. I don't find men sexually attractive, but I can appreciate a good looking guy, although I'd never call one hot. I do understand your frustration though, I always go through these periods of questioning myself, but I think its normal. I would just hate to have to go back to my parents in a few years and say, hey mom and dad, guess what I was wrong I"m not really gay. I guess I couldn't help you quite as much as another guy could, but I'm willing to talk if you want. Good luck, and try not to think or worry about this too much.
Hey, welcome to EC .. I was in the same boat as you not to long ago. I also still appreciate a good looking guy but I recently realized that that where it ends. I'm not turned on by guys, i don't fanatsize about them. When a guy touches me (nothing perverted, like hand on my arm) it does nothing to me but when a girl come nears me i get all nervous - in a good way hehe so I think that's how you can tell. When you picture urself with someone is it a girl or a guy? Who is it that turns you on? You can prefer men but still be open to women. Your not necessarilly exclusively lesbian or straight. Sexuality can be a very confusing thing, I wish you the best of luck!
I'm glad I'm not alone. I think I'm pretty similar to that, in that I can appreciate a good looking woman, but generally don't take it farther than that. Maybe if the girl was absolutely stunning it might be a little different, but in general I'm pretty similar. Thanks :smilewave It really can be confusing. I feel sort of awkward around a lot of people, regardless of gender. I'm not really around anyone most of the time besides for a few close friends, but I tend to agree that, most of the time, I'll get a little more of a reaction when a sexy guy is near than a girl. I feel really awkward when a scantily dressed woman walks by, but generally pretty turned on when a sexy scantily dressed guy walks by. I picture myself with a guy for sure. This self doubt is just killing me! :tears: Guess I'm just trying to give some more information. More info = better advice in my experience. Thanks! <3
hey i can kinda relate. i can recognise a hot girl when i see one, and can even admire one, but i have no sexual feelings for them at all. i can also relate on another level. i am kinda in love with this girl, best friend, kinda. and i KNOW if only i wasnt gay... yeah, being gay can be verry confusing sometimes... good luck!
I can relate I used to consider myself bisexual because I do find some guys attractive but the more I thought about it the more I realized that I can never have a relationship with a guy and be happy I appreciate them but thats it. its kind of like sugar was saying. though I have in the past been in a couple relationships with guys I was in those relationships because I didn't want to face the truth, that I really liked girls I was in denial. sexual orientation is a confusing thing to figure out and just takes some time. only recently have I realized I am a lesbian not bisexual so give it some time you'll figure it out. good luck! Sam
Hey, thanks guys. Last night I couldn't sleep well, I was rolling around to the point where I woke up at 5 AM (went to bed at 1). I decided enough is enough and put my thoughts in line. Today, I feel 100% better. I guess yesterday was the low spot, mentally. There is still lingering confusion, but I'm glad others can related. (&&&) <3
You're not alone - that's for sure. I'm sure most people struggle with this - I know I have. The good news is that you developed an awareness at such an early age! (To everyone else reading... I know, I know, I always say this! :dry: ) Consider yourself lucky that at age 16 you're figuring this out. I denied it until I was almost 36 - 20 years later! I don't regret very much from those 20 years, but I could have avoided a lot of heart ache had I been more aware of my orientation years ago. Someone mentioned above that sexual orientation is confusing, and I think of it not as an 'either / or' thing but as a 'continuum' (spelling?). You may not be 100% gay, but from what you've said though, it sounds like you're pretty much gay. Just my opinion. At any rate - Welcome to EC - and ask whatever questions you want. We're all here to help each other! (*hug*)
Hey, thanks a lot Jim (*hug*) I'm glad that I've been able to come to terms with myself so young too. I, also, try to think of things as a continuum, although it's hard sometimes not being able to fit with one label (as much as I hate them! beyond nutrition labels, anyway :lol: ), which is why I've suffered a lot of confusion. A lot of that, I guess, has to do with my personality and mind set. It's comforting to know that everyone on here so far has experienced much the same thing, and that I'm definitely not alone! Hey cool, there's a <3ish smiley! :love:
I tend to agree with your continuum philosophy, which I know makes things confusing for awhile, but knowing where you fall into that continuum is so much of the battle. Like you, I think there was maybe one or two girls that I found attractive, but when I contrasted that with the overwhelming number of guys that I've found attractive, my place on the continuum became clear. Having said all that, my advice, for the sake of general convenience, is to pick the label that seems closest to your point on the continuum and run with it. I'm not saying you need to treat it with any weight, but if and when it comes up in conversation, you can say you're gay (that's the one that to me seems closest for you) and save a bunch of time and confusion as you try to explain it to a random person. If you feel compelled, you can delve into the details of your particular place on the continuum, because really, there's not a lot of reason to worry about the label at all. In reality, labels are little more than helpful tools for conversation, so I say get close and go from there. Clear as mud? :lol:
Was very clear actually. Everything you've said basically summed up the conclusions that I've come to. We think alike :icon_bigg
