Coming out when you live far away from your family

Hi, everyone. So I've been wanting to tell my parents and sisters that I've been seeing girls lately. I've never really been a big fan of a formal "coming out", but I feel disrespectful not telling them, like they might be offended if they found out and felt I wanted to hide that part of myself from them. It would be really nice to tell my family that I've gone on a few dates with someone, and that someone just happens to be a lady. I'm just afraid of how they would react, or if they would be confused if I started to date boys again. I feel comfortable, myself, dating both males and females, but I'm worried about the effect it might have on my family.

Before I say anything to my parents, I think it's important to me that I tell my two sisters. We are super close and talk about everything, so I feel uncomfortable with the fact that they don't officially know (I say "officially" because if they don't at least suspect, they probably haven't been paying very close attention). The trouble is that they both live super far away from me - I live in Ontario, Canada, and they live on the far west coast of the States, and the UK, respectively. I hate the idea of telling them over text, but I also don't want to wait until I see them in person, cause I have no idea when that may be. And I hate Skype. I'm just super awkward on Skype, can't get past it. I know this is a bit of an oddly specific situation, but does anyone have any advice for my predicament?

Advice, or no advice - thanks for reading

 

Hi! I know how you feel. I'm almost 28, I've known I like girls since I was...17? But I just came out a few months ago, when I decided to cross the Atlantic with my girlfriend to move together in another country.

I didn't want to come out to them because they are kind of conservative and as I moved to a different city to study and work, I could live my life without giving any kind of explanations (I am very independent). But the last months before I did it I just felt I had to do it and I wanted to. I didn't want to hide any more but I was far away (I am Spanish and at that moment I was living in France) so I when I couldn't wait any more, I just told my mother on Skype, and I was gonna send my brother and sister an e-mail but my mother told my sister (!) and I finally just sent it to my brother.

My mother didn't take very well (it got better, as she actually asked about my gf once!!!) and my brother and sister were supportive.

I tell you all this because I think it doesn't matter how you say it, as long as you are comfortable and they are told by you and not by anybody else.

 

SpTara - Thanks for the response! Sounds like you've got it pretty nicely figured out, so far. I've been sorta starting to see this girl in the past couple weeks, and I think if things go any further, I'm going to need to tell my parents. I'll probably choose to do something similar to you. I think my parents are going to be okay with it, and I'm glad to hear your mom has gotten used to the news. I'm just trying to time it well. While I know it shouldn't really matter, I think it'll be easier for them to digest the news if I'm actually seeing somebody. They're not super old-fashioned, but I think it still would be a lot for two people of their generation to digest.

Also, no need to apologize - your English is good! Hope everything is going well with you

 

Thanks!!

You know, a few years ago I thought exactly the same as you, about telling them when I was with someone. I still think it's a good idea, because this being in a relationship thing kind of gives them an image of stability, that, I am sure, will please and calm them.

Anyway, it's ok if you come out being single... This is you and you are just telling them, trusting them.

With me everything goes well... I just hope me and my family could be more natural about it, but apart from the fact that we need time to adjust to this, we have an ocean between us.

You'll see how well you are going to feel when you let the truth out there! :icon_wink

 

Hey,

I live in Australia (originally from the uk) and I came out via a written letter. I included a few pictures of my travels and then eased into telling them about how I had started seeing a woman and included a photo of us so they could see I was still the same old me and that I was happy. I had only dated guys previously and they certainly didn't expect it. They took the news really well and were very supportive.
I came out to my sister over messenger. I just always choked when I tried to tell them on skype or on the phone so I finally bit the bullet and it was such a relief.

hope this helps..