Stuck between a rock and a wood chipper.

Hi James and welcome,

The nice card you received for your birthday means your girlfriend really cares about you in more ways than one. I had a girlfriend like that who wanted lots more, like marriage even. She was the first person I came out to almost 3 years ago and we’re closer now than ever before. What’s bothering you the most is that you can’t be honest with her. So you need to tell her as soon as possible. If you’re uncertain about your orientation, tell her that. You’ll both feel better and she’ll appreciate you for trusting her, and being as honest as you can be.

You won’t lose her as a friend although she may be hurt at first. It takes some getting used to. I’m betting she’ll be an even closer friend once you’ve told her the situation. Good luck. (*hug*)

 

Hi James and welcome to EC.

You're not as stuck as you think you are. Try being married with two kids and a huge mortgage when you realize that you're gay...

I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from. I had been married for almost 9 years when I finally came to the realization that I was gay. Talk about hard. So be honest with your girlfriend. You don't want it to go farther than it already has. The reality is that you're likely more upset than she will be - and by telling her you'll be much happier.

She isn't going to hate you. You're still the great, sweet, kind, gentle, thoughtful guy that you've always been to her. That isn't going to change. I'm sure you can be good friends going forward.

My wife - after she got over the initial shock - has been my best friend and strongest support of the past 2 years. I couldn't have done it without her.

It will all work out, and take it from me - it's better to get this out in the open now rather than later.

 

your girlfriend may not take it as bad as u think. or maybe not even bad at all. girls r usually pretty good about these things. and as for your family, if they accept your grandfather, why not u?

 

Hey!

I think that you should talk about this with your girlfriend. Its not fair for her to keep falling for you, when you know that you dont or wont feel the same way about her. If you really care about her, and she is a good friend like you said she is, then you should want to her to be with someone that can really care for her the way she cares about you.

 

Gotta agree with Jim. Take it from us 'longer toothed' guys. Looking back I think that many would tell you they should have come out when they were young. You save SO many heartbreaks. I've given this advice before but look at the emotion in your opening post. Nothing could describe how you feel, better than that. If you can't tell her in words, let her read your post. We will all be standing beside you, bud......walk Proud

 

right back at you James...

 

Firstly James, don't feel ashamed, you're doing something about the situation. As far as when to tell her, only you can know the answer to that. Look deep inside yourself. What do YOU think you should do? You've got all the support you will ever need from us here but you have to make the decisions.

 

My pleasure, good luck and keep us posted. If you need to, go to my wall....have a good night and a better tomorrow.

 

Yuea You have our support, and love (*hug*)

 

Hey well done, yeah you're so right to tell her how you're feeling about your relationship with her and your sexuality.

However nervous you feel, and even however tongue-tied you may get; it's essential to tell her now (it shows how much you love her as a friend and how you respect your friendship with her). By telling her, you're displaying the very good qualities and virtues you have that she has been attracted to. You don't ever need to apologise for that.

Good luck, you're doing the right thing here.

 

Hey mate, yeah like stilsurchin said, you will know when it feels right and when is the right moment to tell her. Her card shows that she obviously cares about you and although she may be shocked at first, that care and friendship you have will still be there. Please dont blame yourself, as speaking for myself i got involved with a girl just to prove i was straight, i think its what we sometimes do cos the other option feels like such a terrible thing. But hang in there and EC is always here!(*hug*)

 

Please don't feel 'ashamed' of who you are or what you've done. You've only behaved the way you have because society still has so many hang ups around homosexuality. If they didn't, you'd never have ended up in the situation you are in. You couldn't have been expected to have all this figured out and dealt with at a specific point in time or stage in your life - it's different for everyone. So don't be too hard on yourself.

In terms of when... that's up to you. If she has some really stressful stuff that she's dealing with for school, it might be nice if you wait and tell her when she'll have a few days to get over it and recover from the shock. You've waited this long - another 3 days won't likely kill you.

Good luck though. We're all rooting for you!

 

I dated a man for two years before I came out. He was wonderful and a great friend. everyday I regret just breaking up with him without giving him any explanation. I was young but I know he deserved more than that. He was good to me and I should have shown him the respect he deserved by being honest (which is hard when you are still trying to be honest with yourself). She sounds like she is a good person who cares about you ...please don't regret wronging someone it always hurts a little. Hope this helps -Jen

 

Dump her. It's as simple as that. If you're gay then you shouldn't be making girl friends...as of yet, it is not your fault. But if you keep her and string her hopes up high then it will be. Doing that could only be destructive to both you and her. Dump her. That's the best advice I can give. And do it quick before things get too serious.

Sorry if that sounds a little abrupt but it will put an end to any extreme problems you may have by not telling her longer down the road.

 

Ata boy.