Hey guys, thanks for your help on previous threads I've posted. To give a brief synopsis, I knew that I wasn't straight since I was 13 but kept myself in firm denial about my own identity and kept my feelings suppressed until I was 24. Even though I hooked up with men and women, then eventually just men, but was still confused about occasional minor crushes with women. I came out to friends (including one gay friend who is protective of me) as "not-straight" 8 months ago in August, then finally had a come to Jesus moment with myself and acknowledged I was gay in February, when I got hit on by four women in a party. I then finally started hitting up gay bars and making new gay friends in March. Moving forward, I have not been having a good year the past year, at least emotionally. The process of coming out, even though every friend (including my best friend of 11 years) has been supportive, has been emotionally taxing. I am seeing both a regular psychologist and an LGBT affirming psychologist, so naturally I've been proactive on improving myself. More recently, however, my mom asked me 7 times when I was home for Christmas break which girls I've been interested in, and I kept shooting down the questions, saying that there's no one I'm interested in at the moment and I'm only focusing on studying. It wasn't until the seventh time where I told her, "I don't want to deal with it or talk about it." She asked me two additional times the past four months, and I've again deflected the question. A few days ago, during a conversation about Indian arranged marriages, I semi-jokingly told her that some Indian parents were doing arranged gay marriages. She muttered that they could live their lives, but she doesn't agree with their "lifestyle" and "they get sick." I corrected her and told her that much of what she knows about gay people is from the media, who only depict stereotypes (i.e. all Asians are smart and good at math, all Muslims are terrorists), and that there are plenty of people you wouldn't have guessed were gay. She then fired the question at me again, which I told her I am not interested in dating, have never dated all throughout college and medical school because I'm focused on my studies, and I am keeping to that. She then insisted on knowing what types of girls I'm interested in, I again deflected it. She was silent for about five or six seconds on the phone and then said, "I...don't want to bring this up..." Silence for several more seconds, and then she said, "I hope you're not interested in **** girls or **** girls." I said, "Nope, you don't need to worry about those." This has been 11 times so far. I was intending on coming out to my parents in Phoenix in June because right now, I am in Washington, DC for medical school and it is a horrible time to come out to them, but I'm concerned about being forced out finally within that time period. So, here's the thing. Do I lie by omission by continuing to deflect questions? Or do I lie outright by expressing interest in this and that women? Because I'm no longer in denial about me being gay, and I really don't want to lie. I just can't come out right now, because there is too much going on at school, with exams and whatnot.
I don't recommend lying by commission. That will just complicate things later because you'll essentially give them false hope. You can (and probably should) set a clear boundary. Something like "Mom, you've asked variations of this question a dozen times so far, and i've told you it's not something I want to discuss. I'm telling you now, I'm setting a boundary, and this topic is off-limits. When things change, I'll tell you. Until then, I ask you to respect my boundary, and not further discuss it. If you do, I'm making it clear now that it isn't something I'll discuss, and if you continue to push it, all it will do is make me not want to talk to you." She won't like that -- it's clear she has shitty boundaries -- but the only thing you can do with people with bad boundaries is to be firm with your own. I can near-guarantee that if you set the boundary, hold to it, and end conversations when she doesn't hold the boundary, that she will eventually respect your boundary.
