So, I've decided to come out to my mother in the near future. My story is somewhat complicated: I realised I was bi in my late teens and came out to a few friends at the time. At 20, I decided I must be gay seeing as I was overwhelmingly attracted to women, so I came out that way to friends. At 22, I ended up meeting a guy I really liked and had to recant. We were together for 8 years and had 2 kids togethers. Since I've gotten older and more educated, I've learned that there's a broad spectrum between being gay and straight. At the time I came out as gay, I did so because I didn't realise that it was possible to be bi and not be attracted to men and women equally. Nowadays, I identify as "mostly gay", "Kinsey 4 or 5", "technically pansexual but more into women", etc. Which brings me back to my mother. I'm not sure what to tell her. Part of me thinks it would be so much easier to just tell her I'm bi. It's technically true, and it would avoid a lot of drama. My mother isn't homophobic in the least, but I know she'll have a lot to say about my divorce if it comes out that I'm mostly gay (even though that's absolutely not the reason we split up). Also, she has a tendency to not listen very well or pay attention to nuance, so I suspect if I say I'm more into women, all she'll hear is that I'm gay. I have genuine concerns about her doing things like contacting my ex and his family to talk about it (she does things like that, seriously), so it's pretty tempting to try to minimise that. She has been like a tornado tearing through my life on several occasions, and I'm not sure I'm prepared to deal with that again. Things are shaky between my ex and I as it is, and the last thing I need is her stirring the pot. On the other hand, I've come this far and want to live authentically, and that means telling my mother the full truth, even if she doesn't get it or reacts badly. I'm tired of having this hanging over me, and I feel like if I minimise it, I still won't be 100% out like I want to be. Another option is to start by telling her I'm bi, and then add to that depending on how she reacts. This is probably the most practical option, but then again, I'm not sure I want to drag things out any longer than I need to. Ugh. If anyone's had the patience to read all of this, I thank you. I'd be very grateful for any suggestions or insights you guys can offer.
