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Afraid i need to come out again?!?!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by irissakata, Apr 21, 2016.

  1. irissakata

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    Heey Everybody!

    Last year i gathered the courage to finally come out to my father about me being trans, and it was without a doubt the hardest thing i have ever done, he said he would accept me as his child no mather what. But during that time i also had a girlfriend who also was aware of how i identify, she said she was okay with it, but always sort of tried to talk me out of it, (else i would have probably started talking to a gender therapist way earlier) she also said i looked good with things such as a little facial hair thingy, which i personally hated but i was like okay, then i started believing her and tried to act more masculine, so i started talking to my dad about things such as me maybe thinking of growing facial hair, and he acted like i never came out to him, he was like "yeah that would look good on you". But we broke up about 3/4 months ago already, and ever since i have been shaving to prevent further facial hair growth, in fact i'm currently in the middle of permanently removing facial hair using HPL. My dad and i are quite close so i often talk to him about my problems etc.. i have been complaining to him about me having to shave every other day because else there will be stubbles which i HATE, but then he said "i thought you wanted to grow a beard, or do you suddenly not want it or something?" to which i responded "no because it wouldn't look good on me (even though i don't want it for other obvious reasons)", although i actually wanted to tell him it is because i don't identify as male. Also i have been trying to give him subliminal hints such as me telling him i only wear girls jeans etc.. but he just responds with i can't even tell or things such as "does it even give enough space down there", hell i wouldn't even care if those 2 little testosteron producers would get ripped off of my body, so i couldn't care less about them not having any space.

    Sorry for the long post but i do feel like i need some advice on how to let my dad understand my feelings didn't change, or well they did change, because they got even more overwhelming then before, they keep getting stronger everyday to be honest because i DON'T want to live my life like this and it starts to become an unbearable burden.
     
  2. TXTurbo90

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    I would say this is one of those situations where honesty is the best policy. What you just explained to us is the perfect way to go about telling him your feelings.

    Explain that you have gone through an internal struggle of trying to please your ex-girlfriend by growing your facial hair out, but it didn't feel right and just re-affirmed your gender identity of being female. It will help him realize that it is not "just a phase" and that it is a core part of who you are as a person. I'm sure others will chip in with better that advice that can relate better. (As I am cis-gender)
     
  3. Kiran

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    Hey.

    I did live against myself as a girl, trying to be more feminine for the sake of a guy I loved. And then continued for the sake of LGBTphobic family. For years. Denying yourself is awful. Earlier, I was more open about my identity. My longtime friends were understanding and "ok, if it's how you identify". :wink:

    I have seen that unless you come out openly, people will not notice hints.

    You have to be honest with your dad. "I tried to be a guy for her sake, but it didn't work. I can't pretend to be a guy..."

    I think your dad was just trying to be supportive of you whatever your needs were.
     
  4. irissakata

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    Alright, thank both of you for the amazing advice, i will try to gather the confidence to come out again, but atleast there is no immediate need to tell him, but i will try to do so again very soon ^_^
     
  5. Kiran

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    Good luck.

    If you would like to, how about a bit of update after that?
     
  6. irissakata

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    I will post an update once i managed to tell him again, but it could take some time as it really requires a lot of me mentally
     
  7. Kiran

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    Take your time. :slight_smile:

    Good luck.