I dont know what to do!! Plz help.

Hey BiTeen,

First of all, congratulations for deciding to come out to your parents.

In regards to your letter, I think it's always better to come out to someone in person, however, I'm sure you've thought about this a lot. If you can find the courage to come out to them face-to-face then i strongly encourage you to do so. If not, then a letter is the next best thing.

Its good that you've kept your letter short and to the point. There are a few notes I have after reading it.

-One of the main things is to be sure to keep to the point, and not to bring any other subjects into the letter. This is about your sexuality, not whether or not you are going to have children. I think this is a subject best discussed at a later time with your parents.

- This suggests that you never thought about telling them in person. Maybe appologise for not having the courage to tell them face-to-face, and explain that you believed this to be the best way to let them know.

- Being gay is a part of who you are. As well as coming out to them, you are trying to get them to accept your sexuality. This requires a you to take a stand, and tell them this is who you are.
"I know this may disapoint you, but this is who I am."


I hope your parents take it well, and let us know how it goes

Dave

 

Dave has picked up on a couple of good points there, which I fully agree with. One other that occured to me:

A likely reaction to this statement is that you are just confused and should give it more time, or that you just haven't met the right girl yet. Something better may be "I have known for some time that I am gay" perhaps followed with something about how you have now fully accepted this. You don't want them to think that this is a hasty decision - much better to suggest that it is something you have been becoming aware of and gradually accepting over a period of time. If you want to indicate a timescale (or are asked), perhaps work on when you first started questioning your sexuality rether than when you accepted it.

With the letter, make sure the spelling and punctuation is largely correct (I noticed "sry" in there for example) and separate it into a couple of paragraphs. It just makes it easier for them to read and understand. Keep it short and concise. Hand-written would be much more personal, but if your handwriting is anything like mine go for typed so they can read it (but hand-write the "Dear Mom and Dad" and "Love Sean" bits).

Are you planning to give it to them and be there while they read it, leave it for them to find while you are out, post it to them, or what? I think handing it to them, then discretely moving to the next room to wait could be good. The first meeting or conversation after they have read it will be difficult for you all, so you probably don't want to be sitting through a whole day at school thinking about this.

 

Hey BiTeen! Wow... huge step... congratulations! I only wish I had your courage and finally come out to my parents...

I think your letter is great and I definitely agree with the other comments others have made. The only things I have to say is don't apologize at all... there's really nothing for them to be sorry about... they have a perfect 17-year-old son!

The only other suggestion I have would to leave out the part about the surrogate mother... that might just be moving a LITTLE too far at the moment... I mean, you're 17... you shouldn't be thinking about kids anyway! :lol: What you can say is something like "I know you want for me to get married and have a family, and I can still fulfill those desires." or something like that, if you want to include it at all... (Yay Canada!)

Well, those are the only comments I have to add to the ones already been made... I really wish you all the best and I think I can speak for the entire forum when I say that you have all our love and support! (&&&)

-CK

 

I agree w/ what everyone else has said. Good for you, BiTeen, and good luck!

 

Hey BiTeen16!
Touching letter but I also feel that the part about the children should be left out at this point.
However you decide whether it be the letter or you telling them in person I hope it all works out for you because this is a big step and one that could change your life.
Good Luck and let us know how it all works out.

 

I think eveyone pretty much covered everything... Anyway, I'd give it a little more thought to the issue... I'm not sure coming out by letter is a good choice, and if you should use it, then make sure to write exactly what you want them to read.

I'd try not to foresee their reaction, or try to predict what they will ask you... specially regarding children... I don't know, perhaps they won't even ask you that for a while.

Just know you can always come to us for support.

Anyway, you don't say if you are out to anybody, other than your parents. Having friends that support you is very important when coming out to parents. I haven't done it myself yet, but I know a friend's support can give you much courage. And perhaps you'll find the strength you need to do it in person.

Make peace with yourself, and you shall have peace with others.

Let us know how it goes.

 

She probably does. But although she may not show it, she wants you to be happy more...hang in there. You'll know when the time is right. We're here for you. (*hug*)

 

That's tough. I can relate to some extent. I'm my parents' only son, and my dad had a brief discussion w/ me once about how important it is for me to carry on the family name. In that light, the choice to come out or not felt like a choice between being selfish or being a good, dutiful son. And who wants to be selfish?

But if you take a different point of view, it's really not a choice at all. It's a non sequitur. The fact that my dad wants me to have children who bear his name has nothing to do with the fact that I'm gay. The only way they could have anything to do w/ each other is if I thought that what he wanted from me could somehow affect my sexuality. And it can't. Just as the fact that your mom wants biological grandkids can't affect yours.

But yeah, I hear you. It's hard.

 

When did gay = sterile??? I don't get that at all... you can still have kids, pass on whatever family name, etc.

I'm so lucky to have an (I think) breeder of a brother and 6 male cousins to carry on the name... no pressure there...

And it's funny... do you think that a man with one daughter would stress upon her the need to continue the family name??? Pfft. No. That's just the way it goes...

-CK

 

Like TriBi said, I'm sure she's willing to put your happiness infront of her wants. It may be a shock to them, and there may be initial disapointment for your mother, but that's something you can talk through. Who knows? Maybe she just says that to joke around.

 

Agreed, TriBi. Sooner or later, parents will realize that your happiness is what's most important to them. (*hug*)

 

w00t! No problem! I'm sure you'll let us know how it goes? Right!?!? :icon_razz

Anyway, (*hug*) I'm sure everything will go fine.

~CK

 

my thoughts are with you, and I wish you good luck (not that you need it, but it alwas help

 

Hey BiTeen,

A few grammatical errors:

You were missing a word, not sure if that was it.

Small issue, but the second 'i' isnt capitalised.

General:

You are making preassumptions to how they will react. If this is an issue for them, then they will most likely ask you about it. If it isn't an issue for them, why bring it up? If you feel you still want to include this, I suggest changing it to "I know you may believe".

As this is the closing line, I suggest making it a little bit more personal and in a way say 'I've done my part, now it's your turn'. Possibly "Take all the time you need, but I'm sure we can get through this, together."


Overall well written. Goodluck, and again, keep us posted on how everything goes.

Dave