A little knowledge is a dangerous thing (AKA what have I done!!!)

Okay, perhaps this doesn't need its own thread, but I'm seriously a bit confused right now and I need a bit of venting space. And venting to myself just isn't the same...

I'm not sure if what I did was the biggest mistake I could make, or just a necessary step.

Yesterday, I got a mail frrom the one gay guy I'm out to, whether I'd be up for going to a gay party. I'm not sure whether to accept or not (that is, I will probably accept and chicken out at the last moment, I know myself enough for that). However, still feeling good about my recent coming out, I sort of felt like I could try giving a subtle clue to my mother about it...

So I mentioned to my mother that I was invited by my friend to go to a gay party.
I'm not sure what posessed me to do this, but I thought it was a great idea to gouge her reaction. And it would leave me with plausible deniability. After all, being invited to go doesn't prove anything...

However, what I got was the loudest "WHAT?!" I've ever heard. I swear I was almost thrown backwards physically. Cue her asking why I would want to do that, and what would happen if people saw me there and whatever posessed him to drag me into this. And mainly a lot of whys and hows...
I mean, I didn't expect her to yell "go for it!", but not this negativity bordering on fear. At most a bit of amusement at what my wacky friends are asking this time. I brushed it off, saying I just mentioned it for laughs, but I swear she's looking at me differently since I mentioned it. And asking me if I'm feeling allright if I look only slightly elsewhere but her eyes when we're talking.

I'm not sure what to think right now. Should I have not told her? Did she already suspect and have I fed her doubts? And why did I let my post-first-coming-out happiness get the best of me?
I mean, I really want to see this as a good thing. The first step to my coming out, but I'm having a really hard time not to spend the entire day shivering with panic in a corner...
Strange thing is: I know what you guys are going to say: that it was a good thing, and that I should try and get her used to the thought and eventually come out. But at the moment I'm just feeling too bad about myself to do just that...

 

Thanks for the input, all.
For the time being, it seems she has decided to drop it. No references to it whatsoever.

The strangest thing is my brother's reaction yesterday, though. I mentioned her reaction to him (he doesn't know I'm gay, but he doesn't have those preconceptions about gay parties either. In fact, he has quite a few straight friends that like to go to them).
His reaction was: "well, sometimes you suck at being subtle!"

Which makes me think he has his suspicions, but is cool about it.

I think I might try telling him next weekend when we're alone at home...

 

Oh, hi to you too. Nice to know I'm not the only Belgian here...

Yeah, I don't think I'll go, unless my friend drags me around to it. And he knows me enough to do just that...

I don't think she really has deep-seated anti-gay sentiments, though. She's a teacher, and is a sort of contact person for students in trouble. When she mentions students that are gay or who later turned out to be gay, it's never with any derogatory remarks or anything.

It might just be "not in my backyard" syndrome. Or perhaps she's just so used to having students come to her with it as a problem that she's afraid I might be in anguish too.

I feel a bit guilty about freaking out last night and posting all of this. In the light of morning, it seems less of an issue than it was yesterday evening... Though Lex is right. The seed is planted, and now I just have to give it a few months at least to mature.