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Coming out publicly, requesting advice

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Toothpick, Apr 22, 2016.

  1. Toothpick

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    Hello!

    I am gay, I have come out to my parents, and 2 friends who were accepting of my feelings. And I was starting to really come to accept myself for who I am, and become confident in the feelings that I have as being something that I would like people to know, but I have ran into a few issues...

    ...Alot of the people at my school are homophobic, most of them are more joking than anything, and more than likely don't care about other peoples sexuality, but instead use it more as a tool to make jokes. But a few people I know are homophobic to the extent that they would like to do harm to people that are within the umbrella of LGBT. Many of these people were raised in ways that heavily promote violence towards non-straight people, and I feel as though I would be in danger if I did come out.

    I would love to be open with my feelings so that I could find people who were similar to me. But I feel pressured in standing silent. Does anyone have any tips on what I should or should not do in a situation like this. I would really love for someone to help, thank you!
     
  2. WilliamHunter

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    You only need to tell people about yourself if you choose, otherwise it is nobody's business. Be careful that it doesn't trigger bullying and put yourself in harm. Best wishes.
     
  3. Toothpick

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    Thank you WilliamHunter for responding and giving me some tips
     
  4. Fromslahen

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    While I'm glad that you're comfortable enough in your sexuality to consider a full-blown coming-out, I do agree that if you live in an environment where homophobic violence may occur, I'd advise that you keep it to people you trust first. Once you have a network of people who can support you in this going forward, it'll make it a lot easier. Of course, this is your decision and this is just what I personally would think to do in the situation, so it's entirely up to you
     
  5. cakepiecookie

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    Yep, I agree with the others - as tempting as it is to say "be yourself and fuck the haters", if violence is a reality where you live then you have to be careful.

    What is your school like? Do you think you'd be supported by your teachers if people found out you were gay? If so, it might be worth talking to them to put a plan into place in case bullying becomes an issue.
     
  6. Shadstack

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    It's great that you feel so confident to the point where you feel like you want to tell everyone. Keep hold of that, it will serve you later on in life. However, I really advise against coming out to your school where violence is a possibility. If there's any chance of your life being put in danger, just don't do it. The 'that's so gay' comments don't really phase me too much, at the very most unsettle me a little, but I don't know how you feel about them, but they're not going to go away in all honesty. I know first hand how weird it is being a guy being attracted to other guys, when the rest of my friends like girls. You want to meet others like you, I get that. You could possibly find an online LGBT chatroom, like I did. And considering how homophobic your the pupils are at the school, I would wager that the rest of the gay people that you want to relate to are deep in their closets, sadly.
     
  7. Toothpick

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    Thank you for responding, you are right, I will try to find some more people who are supportive before considering doing anything more, but due to the fact that I am only really close to a few of my friends enough to know they wouldn't tell people if I was gay, I wouldn't have that much of a network, but I appreciate your response.

    Hi cakepiecookie, my school is quite anti-discrimination, and hate crimes are taken very seriously, but I know for a fact that many parents of some of the children that go here would be fine, or even PROUD of their son hurting a gay student at the school, so they wouldn't receive punishment while outside of school, but the teachers would be against anyone trying to hurt anyone else. But I think that setting up a plan if it happens might be over the top, and they might not take me seriously, but thank you for the response!

    Thanks for responding Shadd, I also really don't care about homosexuality being used as a tool for jokes, most of the people that make them really aren't anti-gay but its a quick and easy joke and they just want their peers to get a quick chuckle as well.

    I also see now that if I am having this internal struggle due to pressures outside resulting in fear of coming out, you are 100% correct in saying that anyone else that might be gay as well in my school will probably be nice and cozy in their closets. I will however try to find an online chatroom like you suggested, thank you for giving me some advice on the issue.
     
  8. ChillPenguin

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    It's unfortunate that you live in Texas because I've heard it's one of the most homophobic states, with people that are stereotypically tough and buff. I don't know what it's really like though because I've never been.

    Just going to add though that there was only one 'out' student in my school year group. He was probably one of the most popular people in school, actually. But my area is very anti-discriminatory. But I remember him saying in the final year something like "there's a few people that's come up to talk to me in private about their sexuality, but I'm not going to say who they are." If it wasn't for the fact that I was shy, anxious and understood my sexuality earlier I probably would've talked to him myself.

    So it's not really a case of you seeking others out, but a case of them seeking you out. There's no doubt there will be gay and bisexual people in your year group but it's impossible to know who they are unless they tell you. And they won't tell you if they don't feel like they can relate to you or confide in you. And if you're not the voice of reason, who will be?

    I don't mean to put pressure on you though because it's completely up to you. In order to be this voice of reason you would need to have confidence and be a people-person. If you feel that's you feel free to come out. But if you're not and are worried about the violence that may occur, it's probably best to keep quiet. Hope this helps.
     
  9. SillyGoose

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    Patience..
    Wait for the right time because people tend to become more open minded when they are very young or mature as an adult..
    It tends to be the wrong time for a lot of people when your just quite young and people either might not take you seriously or they might be harassing you due to beliefs..
    ( the excuse for practically all homophobia )
    It personally is not right for me to come out at this time in my life where I am located but it depends on the situation and how mature people are..
    A lot of homophobes are compensating for something...

    I hope was at least a tiny bit helpful but I mostly just read advice and not give it...
    Best of luck :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  10. Toothpick

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    Thank you for responding ChillPenguin, I wish there was someone like what you described in your first paragraph in my school, and I really appreciate you giving me some tips. But I think like you said, it would be best to stay quiet. Its not worth coming out if I am going to live my life in fear. Until the violence becomes a thing of the past ill just get comfortable in my closet.
     
  11. R M

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    only tell people if you want to, and if you trust them and know they will be accepting. if alot of kinds in your school are homophobic, I wouldnt tell, because youll probably be bullied and maybe even harmed by them.