I'm not entirely sure what to write... i am a Dutch guy living in the Netherlands, and thank god the government is at least accepting of gay people but that doesn't make the situation a whole lot easier is it? I probably now I am gay ever since I am maybe 13 or 14, or at least I started to realise it. Now I am almost 19 (in may) and I want to come out to at least my parents before that... next year I will be moving for university to the UK and I won't see my parents for 6 months, they need to know. Maybe important to know is that my brother actually does know. How I ever got the guts to tell him I don't know. It was one of my weird moods doing the dishes with just him there and we got talking about having girlfriends...and I told him. He is very accepting and I don't think it will be a big issue with my parents either. However, I am more scared to come out to my dad than to my mom, my dad and I clash heavily due to similar characters (we are virtually alike). With my mom, on the other hand, I can talk about literally anything. Why am I not coming out some of you might wonder? It's the really not about acceptance. When I was 14 or so my parents catched me looking at some weird shit (basically porn, I was really exploring my sexuallity at the time) and they wanted me to tell them I was gay. At the time I wasn't certain, now I am. Also at the time, my parents said they wanted to help me, so I actually have a little knowledge of what their reaction will be. And I also think they never forgot me looking at those pictures... But how does one come out when you know a little of how they will react and you don't really like that at all... I can really use some advise here... Thanks
First of all, good to see a fellow dutch person on the site! I live in Canada now, but my family is dutch and ive spent some good times in The Netherlands (The Hague is amazing, hope i spelt that right) Im out to all of my family accept the ones who still live in The Netherlands actually heh. 14 and 18 are different. I think a pre/during puberty person needs to almost have some guidance if they are caught up in things. Im sure with going off for university soon that it cannot end badly for you. Worse case is they are not 100% accepting, you leave for uni, and they have time to dwell on it. I actually think your in a great position. You have a brother whos accepting, a mother who will most likely be accepting, and together they can sway your dad if he is not, and all of this can happen when your gone. While your gone that gives you a huge opportunity for a fresh start. You can be yourself, explore who you are and what you really want, and by the time your done that your parents will see that your a changed man. I wish you luck on coming out, and i do agree you should do it before you leave. If you need any tips or advice on that part, you can always drop me a wall post I am out to my family and friends now. Good Luck!
Hi there! Knowing already how they might react and the fact that they seem to be accepting is good! Maybe what you could try is coming out to your mum first and then to your dad. It might make it a bit easier on you. What to do? Think about what is it that you want to tell them. For example you could start saying "mom/dad, I have something important to tell you. I know you might have been suspecting for some time now but I have never said anything because I needed to figure it out. I am gay" and take it from there. When you feel that you are ready and you have decided on a day/time, try going for it. Before you start talking with them, take a deep breath. Going by what you have written, I don't think you really need to be too worried or nervous about their reactions. If you do find it that it would be easier to write a letter, go for it. Writing our thoughts out can help us in becoming less nervous and help us to organize our thoughts better. Write down what you want to say or tell them. Then just pick a day where you know that they will have some time and give them the letter. Hope this helps!
Welcome to EC! It sounds like you've gotten mainly positive signs from everybody. That's great. But if you're still worried about how to approach your parents, why not talk to your brother about it? Tell him you want to talk to your parents about it before you leave, but aren't sure of the best way to go about it. He might be able to think of a good approach. Lex
