This is not exactly about coming out but part of the process for I guess I'm in the right section? I came out to my parents as bisexual couple of years ago and although my identity never comes up in everyday situations, they clearly have had no problem with me. No one in my extended family knows, but I'm not in a hurry with things. As I'm currently questioning my attraction to men altogether there is much less reason to come out now, and I'd rather wait until I'm sure about who and what I am or start bringing a potential date to family gatherings. However, my father's sister and her family are the closest relatives I have, and we are really tight. Even now that I live alone abroad, my aunt sends me cards and text messages every now and then, and they visit at least every second month when I'm home. If anything ever happened to my parents, this family would be the one to take care of me, and I couldn't be more grateful that I know such reliable, honest and loving people. The thing is, although my family is very secular, my aunt and cousins are very religious, at least by Finnish standards. Generally speaking this means that they go to church regularly and avoid things such as drinking alcohol, but there have been some instances that have made me wonder how conservative they really are. For example, my parent's didn't let me to resign from church when I was underage, and although they never told me why, I feel the reason had something to do with questions that members of my extended family would've asked. Similarly, the only family celebration my aunt and her family didn't come to was my non-religious confirmation party (as opposed to the religious one most Finnish teenagers have: all you need to know is that it's generally considered the first step towards adulthood and celebrated similarly to graduation). I'm not sure about the reason here either, but they wished 'angels to bless me' in the card I got, which just.. Yeah, felt a bit weird. I'm not thinking about coming out in a looong time, but I'm kinda afraid of what will happen when I eventually have to. I love my aunt and value the relationship we've developed, but fear that I'll lose one of my closest relatives as soon as she learns I'm not as straight as she's always expected. I need to know whether or not she'd accept me as I am, but I'm not ready to risk being outed. So, how can I find out what she thinks about LGBT individuals? Are there safe, subtle ways of asking? How have you dealt with potentially unsupportive relatives? I'd really appreciate tips and help. :,3
Soaps are a great way to find out their opinions on stuff. Chances are there will be one that they don't mind watching, and all of them have a gay storyline. If they say something, you will know how they feel. If they say nothing you can prompt them and say "aren't they cute together?" Or "I know a few gay people in real life" to which they will be forced to respond with their opinion. Watching the news or quoting news stories about LGBT stuff is good to test their reaction too. It doesn't even have to be homosexuality but of transgender topics aswell. They're sure to state their opinion on that. Or you could even be sneaky and say "so this girl asked me out at school. I said no because I wasn't really interested". That will bring you into the picture without explicitly coming out. Then just listen to what they have to say. But like you said I'd say it's not worth coming out to them if they already do so much for you. Why risk that? Hope this helps.
If you are at a family party like... I dunno, whatever religious or national holidays or a birthday or something, listen to discussions. Politics and society will come up. Someone always has an opinion on something. I know exactly where I would stand with my extended family from this. Try it sometime. Just be a fly on the wall. Or if you join in, see if they squash your views (my family did).
My family seems to avoid political discussions for the most part so I feel like I shouldn't bring the topic up too eagerly, but overall these are good suggestions? I guess it's all about timing and such... But yes, I feel a bit more confident about all this now. I mean, my aunt's a loving person, it's just as likely she'd have no problem with a less straight relative. So yes, a big thank you to both of you!
