Hi all, I'm male, 23 yrs old and I've always questioned myself. But the gay world always confuses me. What is being gay and what is being bisexual? Because I don't like lying to myself, I have attraction to men (I started to discover this about 4 years ago and as I accept this fact, I become more attracted), but my whole life I was also attracted to women. I'm talking about physical attributes, body and stuff. I have had girlfriends in the past and our sex is great. As I'm traveling right now, I'm actually "on hold" with a girl. I have no problems ejaculating, much less with erection. Among many people out there, I'll talk about David Bowie. I can relate to his personality very well, although I've never had anything with men until now. Last night I was with 6 friends, we were talking many things and dunno why the conversation came across my roommate, someone said, very unpretending that I should take care to not see him naked. I instantly blushed and, just as fast as I blushed, everyone said "alright, let's find the other people", "yea, let's get some drink" and we all just left where we were. This happens all the time and that's what most bothers me. I'm ashamed of who I am, but only me, my friends like me, I like them, we always laugh, you will never be around me without laughing or smiling. But I also tend to be too self-deprecating... I don't see me calling myself gay, because I like women. To be honest, I want to eventually find the right one and settle down with her. But as I said, I don't like to lie to myself, I have sexual attraction to men as well ... So, I want to know from the experienced bisexuals out there, for how long did you feel anxious, uncomfortable, ashamed about your sexual taste. Are you happy? In practical ways, how to deal with situations like the ones I blush about something so silly.. thx
I knew I liked girls before I knew I liked guys at a young age, but since at the time, I had no idea there were other genders ect, I just conformed to being a "tomboy". I always felt ashamed of it, the first time I had an attraction to anyone was to a girl in one of my classes, since I had no idea about the LGBT+ community, I thought I was a freak for liking girls, then a few weeks after I sort of gained an attraction to a guy, and I felt ok, but was confused, and I just pushed the feelings for Girls I had out of the window, since I thought it was unnatural and just not right. I hated myself enough as it was back then, as I was a major social outcast, so those thought didn't really help me either. But when I started learning more about the community, and some people around me came out in their groups, I began to accept myself, and I just moved forward from it. I think im happy that I have accepted myself, and can move on, while I haven't really "come out" to people, I don't feel that it is necessary at this current stage. In your situation, i think that you should discuss with the girl that you are seeing that you have these feelings, and at least be able to talk with someone about it, as great as reading things online is, having support from another person that you can see in real life is a great thing. and if things turn sour when you talk about it with her, that's not a good sign that things were going to work, as if she isn't able to understand that you have those types of feelings, that's a major part of you that she's just rejecting and hates. Its alright to say that you are Bi, you can have a small attraction to the same gender, but you don't have to come directly out and say "IM GAY" or anything. Sexual attraction is a spectrum, its different for everyone, if anything, saying that your Bi, is a blanket term. I hope i didn't miss too much, but feel free to message me, or ask people around some questions, i may have made some mistakes myself, i don't think you can become an "experienced Bisexual" hahah But either way, know that it is ok
I don't think I was ever really ashamed of myself for it. I was uncomfortable with the idea of people knowing, because I'm a very private person. I do things for myself and I live my life the way I want it and other people often don't know what I'm doing until it's already done. I think that's how I saw my sexuality; I've never really been able to put a definite label on it, so I felt it was better to think that people can know when they see me date. If it's a guy, cool. If it's a girl, cool. If it's anyone in between, cool. And if they ask questions, I'll answer, but they can't tell me to "pick one gender". That may be another reason I didn't tell; I don't like when people are 'confused' by bisexuality. There's nothing confusing or wrong about liking more than one gender. But it's a debate I'd rather not get into when I can. I suppose some of it could have been shame for myself, I suppose. When I question it. My dad is the most open minded person I know, I can talk to him about anything, and I didn't. But then I would say it was more shame for my gender than my sexuality; I was raised female and that came with it's own questions, sexuality just being one of them.
Thank you! yes, I think you understood me well. I think that's exactly what I need to understand better, it's alright to like other people than women. I remember some years ago I was saying secretely to myself "wtf, I will NEVER be gay, NEVER, what a shame!", I think I'm kinda slowly understanding everything, leaving some subtle hints to people around me, others not so subtle, like when I blush... ridiculous.. hahaha Thankfully this girl I talked about supports LGBT community a lot! Once she asked me if I ever liked men, thank God I didn't blush in front of her, but I wanted to have answered yes, but I said no. I'm sure that if I tell her she will be ok, she even made out with girls in the past. Now, I don't want to be nervous in front of her parents, for example, when they are naturally talking about these things, because people just really don't expect these things from me..
Im happy to hear that I helped you out Its good that she supports the community, and will be able to relate in some bits, I am just assuming but I am guessing she is also Bisexual? As well, you don't have to tell her parents about it either, it has not really anything to do with them if you really look at it, but If they are supportive of her, then they would most likely be around to talk to if you were having some issues as well. While its different for everyone, I would say personally for me people don't need to know about it, because its not going to hurt anyone or have anything to do with anyone else. What im basically trying to say, but am struggling to explain in better detail, is basically don't feel as though you have to tell people if you don't think you need to. (im really quite tired, in Aus, its ANZAC day, and had to get up at 4:30 for a service, its screwed up my sleeping schedule completely) but last thing before I collapse and sleep (and further ruin my sleeping schedule) is that EC is a supportive community, and that people are glad to talk about basically any issues If you need, you can message me but ill take a while to respond, most likely will be a few hours or so.
