Hi! So I plan on coming out to my family and I am wondering if I can get some opinions/advice/edits to the letter that I have written as to what could be improved? Thank You! Dear Mom, I'm writing this because I need to talk to you about something. It's big, but not bad. You and dad mean a lot to me and it was important for me to write this. I trust you guys, I love you guys, and I want you to know what's going on. This is something that's been happening a long time. When I was little, I couldn’t really explain how I felt. When I was in high school, I never exactly felt right. I felt uncomfortable with myself and I wasn’t sure why for awhile. As time went on, I began to understand my feelings. It took be awhile to understand my feelings and come to terms with those feelings. As you know, I have always been uncomfortable with female clothes, being girly, and wearing make up. I don’t think I showed it, but I also became uncomfortable with myself and my appearance and more self-conscious. I feel like I am masculine and that I identify as trans. Before I continue, let me define a few terms that may be helpful to understand: Gender expression: A term which refers to the ways in which we each manifest masculinity or femininity. It is usually an extension of our “gender identity,” our innate sense of being male, female, etc. Gender identity: The sense of “being” male, female, genderqueer, agender, etc.*For some people, gender identity is in accord with physical anatomy.*For transgender people, gender identity may differ from physical anatomy or expected social roles. Transmasculine is a term used to describe transgender people who were assigned female at birth, but identify with masculinity to a greater extent than with femininity Now that I have defined a few of these terms, I would like to elaborate. I identify as transmasculine. This is my gender identity. Basically, my body is female but my soul is male. I know that you have pointed out some things recently to me about the way that I have been acting or presenting myself. Yeah, I am aware of that. I just wanted to wait until the right time to tell you. Since I will be home for the summer and living at home next semester, I wanted to tell you this and be open with you about this. I also want to let you know that I am going by the name Kaiden and my preferred pronouns are he/him/his. As for my gender expression, I am happy when I express myself as being masculine which include my hair and my clothing to name a couple. If you have further questions about this or the future or anything, feel free to ask. I know that this could come as a shock, but I am still the same person that you know and love. I still have the same hobbies and interests and I am happy when I am able to express how I feel. I hope that in telling you this, we can have more open communication and I can be less stressed out. I also hope that you can accept me. I also want to let you know that it has taken me time to fully accept myself. However, this is not a phase and I am not confused. I have known this about myself for awhile, including the times where I did and did not what it meant to be trans. I am sure about myself and I know how I feel. By telling you this, I do not want you to feel hurt or anything. You are an amazing mother and this is not your fault in any way and I do not want you to feel like this. I love you, I trust and respect you and I want to be honest with you. I know you might have a lot of questions and a lot of feelings about this. I want you to take the time to think about what this means to me. I don’t want you to act impulsively and freak out. You need to think it over before talking to me about it. I want the conversation to be calm, so it’s necessary for you to have thought it through. Call me when you want to and are ready to talk about this. I’d be happy to talk with you about it. Right now, I am hanging out with Sam. If you need time to absorb this or react to this, I want to give you the time that you need. Just call me when you are ready to talk. I am actually writing a separate letter to ___ and ___because I feel as though each letter should be individualized as this is personal and I care and love each and every one of you so much. I know that this may be difficult for you to hear, but I hope even if you don't necessarily agree with this or whatever, it's something I need to do to be happy and healthy.
Seems decant but is it the right way? Most people prefere face to face discussion from what I've heard but you do whatever feels best
I like it. Sometimes I think it is a good idea to come out in a letter. That gives the parent time to have a natural reaction without trying to cover up their emotions in front of their child. Then they have time to think about how they want to respond. Sometimes in haste a person might say something they don't really mean because they don't know what to say. I like the letter...good luck. Just remember it took you years to accept yourself so don't expect it to happen overnight for them. For my parents it has taken 20 years and they still aren't there.
I love the letter its really well done. And yeah I am just so much better at communicating in the written word and so awkward with emotions in real life, so I would definitely use a letter too. And yes, as OutofZCloset said, its good to give people a chance to process these things, as long as you actually give them a chance to talk to you afterwards.
Yeah, I think that the way my mom reacts to things, I don't want to experience the first reaction that she has because I want her to have time to absorb the information and think about what she wants to say first.
