Alright, I just found this site and reading some of the stories has really helped me sort though my feelings. I've felt attracted to guys my whole life, a few girls here and there although looking back they almost seem like it was my mind trying to be straight. Going to a catholic high school (which i loved) delayed a lot of my thoughts on my sexuality. I had prom dates but never had the urge to go after a girlfriend, there was just a point where a relationship with a girl could not go further. While I knew I was interested in guys I just repressed it and moved on. Now I'm 20 and half way through college. I've reached a point where I feel I have to come out. Its tough to explain but I feel that all the years of acting straight are so set in its hard to break. Theres days where I'm positive I'm gay and ready to come out but doubt soon sets in. I say to my self "you want kids and a "normal life.," right? you'll get a girlfriend soon." What I've noticed in literraly the last 2 months is the periods of confidence in who I am lasting longer and longer. I used to feel that being Gay lowered my confidence, but I've found that I'm most confident when I'm accepting myself. If things keep going like this I see myself completely coming out by the end of summer. I want the rest of college to continue to be the best days of my life. I have a great family and great friends, that while some I worry about since they're quite religious (i am as well) I feel we can overcome that. Has anyone else gone though this where right before they're coming out, their mind tries to go back to the easy path of acting straight? Sorry if i rambled, but I've never written down my feelings and it definately helped.
Definitely. I was in denial for a long time, then I came to terms with the idea of me being bisexual, then went back to pretending to be straight and finally accepted that I am bisexual and I am not going to change (I prefer guys, so I might become totally gay, but not straight, that's for sure). But yes, my mind sometimes tries to make me straight. About the religion thing - I am agnostic, but I think that if there's a God, He was the creator of all things (or so the Bible says). So, if homosexuality exists, it has to be a creation of God as well: God created all things Homosexuality is a thing --------------------------------- Homosexuality was created by God Just logic. I understand what you are going through. Wait until you're ready and come out at the right moment - plan it, and keep things under control, especially if you know that the response will not be good. It took me a year to plan my coming out. But if you really think that the right moment is now, then do it.
thanks for the tips im really not worried about the religion factor, with most friends its not an issue. i've found it amazing how the more and more i accept myslef being gay, the higher my confidence rises. i always thought it would be the opposite. i feel im almost ready to come out to my immidiette family and close friends.
well I don't know if I have been through quite what you are explaining but I was in denial about my sexuality for a long time and when I finally came out of that denial I fell hard into depression but when I finally accepted myself it was great and then when I came out to my family it was even better and today, while sometimes I wish I wasn't gay I am actually quite happy. when you are ready to come out you will know and I'm sure you will be glad you did. good luck!
I can so relate to a lot of your comments. I am in the process of making a plan to come out to my adoptive mother and my close friends. However, it seems the more comfortable I get with me and think about coming out, the more my mind tries to see if there is any way to go back to acting straight. What I am learning slowly is that I probably cannot go back in the closet, and the reason I think I want to try to go back to the closet is because it seems easier. I can pretend, but the more I pretend, the more miserable I will become. The truth is it is easier to be myself than to pretend. The path of acting straight seems easy, but if it were really as easy as we perceive, then we would just stay on that path out of comfort. At some point, that path becomes hard, which presses us onto another (better) path - the path of truth and freedom in who we are. These are things I am in the process of learning along my journey. They are not well ingrained yet, and are somewhat malible in my brain.
yup, thats exactly how i feel. while at some times it seems easier to stay "straight", i think of myself 5, 10 yrs down the road and know I would be lonely and miserable if I remained closeted.
Hi, I would love to come out as a Bisexual man, however I have difficulty because I am married and aged 52. So, its difficult for me because of acting straight for decades - even when sexually active with other males. My wife knows I'm Bi leaning toward Gay. But it would affect her and how she relates to our families and friends being married to a Bi - man. So, man, I also know how it feels in the self-acceptance thing. It's great to accept your own sexuality. By the sound of your story, do you think you may be Bi rather than Gay? My personal advice, is don't get into a permanent relationship like marriage. I love my wife, but the marriage is difficult for me being Bi. Any way, that's what's on my mind at the moment. Good luck coming out man. let's know what happens. Paul
Welcome to EC! I'm glad you found that it helped to write down your emotions and thoughts. Carrying this kind of information around in our heads, all alone, can be a heavy burden. In some respects, I also feel more confident now - at least more comfortable with myself. This may sound odd, and perhaps conceited (spelling?) but I've never really been comfortable accepting a compliment about my appearance until now. Even when my wife of 9 years would tell me I was handsome, I'm not sure I ever really believed her. But when another man tells me that he thinks I'm handsome, it means something, and I can accept that and feel good about myself. Weird. Anyway - welcome, and good luck this summer. We're all here to help.
Welcome to EC:smilewave and Congradulations on accepting who you are no matter who that may be. While I never had thoughts like that I can still relate. I see it like this: Sometime the mind is only going according to society, while the heart just wants to be free and love!! The mind knowing that it controls most of the body functions is in constant battle with the heart because it can't control who the heart loves. Sometimes the mind wins and the person is in denial, and sometimes the heart wins and the person is accepting. I have always been accepting...I came out at 13yrs.-old! It mostly happened because I couldn't keep a secret back then(LOL), but mostly because I was taught to be honest!! I hope things work out for you and you allow yourself to explore who you are. I hope your heart wins and you can love not only yourself, but who you are meant to be!!:eusa_danc As for your religious friends, you can tell then that GOD created you just like them and that they will be denying a creation of GOD if they can't accept you. If they still have a problem, then just move on and chalk it up to them not being a true person of GOD, because if they were then they would accept you for having the courage to accept yourself!!
