Hi guys, wondering your thoughts on this: coming out to extended family members you see once in a while and have amiable relations with, but are not active parts of your life. Bit of background: the only people I'm out to in my family are my parents. They're not enthused, but they're accepting and tend to overlook that part of me as just a small piece of the bigger picture, which is cool with me. I'm not terribly close with my cousins, but if it came up in conversation I wouldn't deny it either because we all grew up in the same generation in a western/liberal North American culture. So that's fine. People I'm iffy about are grandparents and aunts and uncles. I have amiable relations with them; some I see somewhat regularly as well, but I'm not exactly close enough to these people to gauge their attitudes towards LGBT stuff. I've even overheard them say somewhat homophobic things which are ignorant at best. My family's Asian and while most of my parents' generation have spent considerable time in liberal, pro-gay western democracies, I believe some of the traditional conservatism they grew up in, whether that is due to their generation or their cultural background, remains. Honestly, I don't think I'm close enough with most of these people to really care. If anything I'd let my parents do the coming-out for me if push comes to shove. The reason why I've been thinking about this a lot recently, though, is that out of my four grandparents three have passed away before I even came out to myself. I'm not close to the remaining one, and since he's very old and ailing I doubt I'll come out to him out of necessity (ie. announcing a marriage). Still, though, I feel this "itch" that it would be great if at least one of my grandparents knew before they died. And family is family and should know about things. What do you guys think?
Honestly, I'd probably just let them find out through my parents or whatever. I can't muster the enthusiasm to personally come out to people I'm not close to - they can just find out when they find out. That's just me though. If it's important for you to let them know, maybe send a group email or similar? Re. your grandfather, do you think you'd regret not coming out to him if you didn't?
Hi Beo, If you want your parents to come our for you, sure go ahead, I don't see anything wrong with it especially because you are not so close to them. The disadvantage to this method of coming out is the fact that it is not totally personal. Some people like it when it is you and only you coming out for yourself. Well, I guess do whatever floats your boat. How are you in terms of being personal? Do you feel that you should be talking to people about these things go more rather than people doing it for you? If no, I would suggest you try asking your parents to tell them but if yes it is worth a shot doing it yourself. If you have the courage(coming out is a very brave thing to do) then by all means why not try? The thing is with getting someone to do it for you, is that you might not feel as relieved and the 'amazing' feeling we get from coming out if everything is OK. Well, I must say again, do whatever floats your boat, we here can't tell you what to do, we can only advise. Actually, how are you with talking about more personal things with people? I am a highly anxious person so I even get scared about talking about a simple thing with my parents. I am trying to improve my courage rather than just texting them. You said they are really distant so you don't care what they think right? Then it should be easier for you. It would be a different situation if you would care because your nerves will obviously be worse. If you get 'disowned' (Ugh, I hate that word), which it would not really be disowning you anyway because your not that close, you have your parents anyway. Good Luck, TheBiBoy P.S. If you have more questions please ask.
