Coming out to co-workers who you've known for 10+ years

It's difficult because we often play it safe just to avoid a worse case scenario. But there's no real way to know until you tell, right?

I'm now out to some colleagues that I've known for over 20 years, and so far it's all good. I don't have any evidence that they're spreading rumours either. Mind you I probably told the ones I felt I could trust .

Everyone's results will vary obviously. Not necessarily related to the type of work environment or part of the world they're in either (conservative vs progressive, urban vs rural, etc...).

HTH

 

Did you want to actively come out or more passively, as in, participate in conversations by saying "girlfriend" where others would say "boyfriend"?

I think you've been there long enough that people's opinions of you are unlikely to change. Even if they learned you were, I don't know, secretly royalty, I'm sure they would still think the same of you after a little shock.

I really don't think you'll lose their respect and if anyone suggests there's anything negative about you after they learn this, then it's your respect they should expect to lose.

 

Well, I would say that if you have worked with them for 10+ years you should have a good knowledge of their feelings towards the LGBT community. I have recently started coming out to my coworkers little by little. I am in the process of getting divorced from a man also. So my coming out has been difficult, kinda. But everyone has been great during the process. I think it also depends on how gay friendly your company is. Mine is big into diversity. So feel it out. Maybe bring up something in the news about gay happenings and see how those around you respond. Start with the closest person to you, someone you feel you can trust. The world is a changing place. Everyone I have came out to, was not surprised. They were actually relieved because my hiding it made them uncomfortable. So good luck and keep us posted if you decide to let the cat out of the bag:icon_wink

 

Do they know any gay people? Has any gay person came to your job? Did you see how they interacted with them? You should say something asap because your not gettin any younger to be truthful. You could finally be free and enjoy yourself ! Sorry if I sounded rude

 

At my current job, several coworkers knew I was gay even before I started - though most didn't. Still, I treaded slowly for probably 6 months and shied away from mentioning relationships. Then 1 day a coworker I never talk to randomly asked me about something gay and the whole office proceeded to jump in the conversation before I learned "yup, everyone already knows I'm a mo." And honestly, nobody cares. There might be the odd joke but it's always in good fun.

As for your predicament, I will say I feel so much freer at work to be myself. If you feel you'll be respected and supported - and not bullied or something - maybe you should consider coming out. Do you work with mostly men or women? How is the general atmosphere surrounding LGBT topics when they come up?

 

I mean if some fellow female co-workers start talking about boyfriends/husbands and they ask you about your status that can be awkward. More importantly that is you personal business that they aren't entitled to know. If you have co-workers you trust with coming out that's great but it's up to you whether you tell someone or no one. No guarantee how people react but again its up to you don't feel pressured. Hopefully you have people outside of ec you can vent to as well. Hope things go smoothly for you!