So, while I'm still figuring things out, I couldn't keep it in anymore that I'm not cis, and I wanted to tell my close friends, my dad, and my sister. And my boyfriend. So today I started with messaging my best friend on Facebook, sending her a screenshot of a post I made on here, as well as one person's response to my post, because it helped with clarification, and that post helped me in my journey to finding myself, which I am very thankful for. But yeah. I messaged it to her and explained that I'm too nervous to tell her on the phone so I wanted her to read the post, and that this is me coming out as...well...not cis, though I don't know where I am on the spectrum exactly, and I wanted her to know that. She has not responded yet because she has been busy all day and not online. I also told my other close friends, who were all very supportive, and I am so happy for that. I called my home because I wanted to tell my dad about my recent relapse with depression and bad thoughts, and I had the urge to tell him what I told my friends. He was away at that moment, so I told my younger sister (16) and she was also very supportive and loving, and gave me a really heartfelt speech about how she loves me and will be there for me no matter what. Then, hours later, I called my dad and told him. He was a bit confused, but wanted to understand, and when we said good bye, he said "I love you, sweetie" and then quickly added "Is that okay? Or?" and it was very sweet that he'd checked with me (and yes, it was okay that he called me that. It's comforting.). The hardest part was telling my boyfriend. Oh man, I had been dreading that for the entirety of my questioning. I was so afraid of rejection that I was almost willing to hide it from him completely, simply because I was so scared of losing him. I finally called him and he could tell something was up. He asked and I said "Before I say anything else, I need you to tell me why you're with me. Why you like me." After he gave me a long explanation of so many things like my intellect, that I always talk to our uber and taxi drivers, my passion for film, and many other non-physical things, I was content that he would probably be okay with my response, since he liked many things about me that were not centred around me being a girl. So I told him what I was thinking, and completely burst out into tears, telling him that I was sorry and that I understand if it changes things for him, though I really hoped it didn't. He was quite confused because he didn't know what was going to change, since I said that I wasn't going to be changing pronouns or anything (at least, at this time.). He said that he was glad that I told him, and he found it a little funny that I was making such a big deal about telling him, and he said that nothing has changed. I'm posting this mostly because I wanted to share a positive semi-coming-out experience and showing that sometimes those major anxieties over coming out are just that - anxieties. Anxieties that don't actually amount to anything. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of me, and now that my dad knows that I have a binder, it's going to make everything so much easier when I'm around him, and I don't have to hide it anymore. If you are thinking about coming out, have faith in your family and friends. Take caution, of course, depending on your past experiences with them regarding gender/sexuality, but if there are no major red flags, then go for it. And if you're coming out to a significant other and you're afraid of them rejecting you, some advice that one of my closest friends gave me was "if they don't want you for who you truly are, then they aren't the right person for you." Don't hide/change who you are just because you're afraid that your significant other will reject you. They should love you for exactly who you are.
