Stuck in straight marriage and scared to death

You will find many others here who are in similar situations. I am one of those people. Married to a man, we have kids, and i've struggled many years thinking i was bi..not so. The only advice i can give is take things one day at a time. Make goals, do things little by little. And try to stay strong. Have you told your husband what you are feeling? Do you have any lgbt friends close by that you can talk to? Or a therapist maybe?

 

Just try and stay strong and take it one day at a time. Talk with your husband and let him know how you're feeling.

 

That is awesome. I'm sure you've got to feel a little more free now.

 

That's a really good thing. Having open communication can make things a little easier.This should give you some time to take a deep breath and do some planning about what step to tale next (*hug*)

 

I am glad things have improved for you but I would offer a little advice and a potential warning. People change, and if you are still financially dependent he could suddenly grow tired of the game and change your life overnight. From your earlier description you did not marry out of love, but for financial stability. I am not judging you here in any way. I too was once in a relationship where my partner had the house in their name, had all the money, the high paying job, and I was at home, working part time only, being the dutiful housewife. We had a big break up but then got back together, partly because for me, what the hell could I do, where could I go, so I gave in to all the demands for this and that and all went back to normal. Except, following that experience, I learned one thing, I had to start saving. So I saved in secret, ten pounds here, twenty pounds there. Put an unnoticeable bit away every time I got paid anything, and just kept going. When my saving reached £200 (I know, it sounds pathetic) I at least knew if I had to I could stay in a hotel for a while. When they got to £500 I thought I could pay a deposit on a place to rent. When they got to a £1000 I could barely resist spending it, but I kept saving and saving and saving.

Then, two years later, and I had a few thousand pound saved, a big argument started again. My partner said 'get out of my house', and I said 'if you tell me that again I am going and you will never see me again.'. He said it again, and I left. With my savings I was not destitute, stayed a couple of nights in a b&b, then at a friends house for a few nights, found a place, moved in, struggled for months, found another job and now life moves on. The point being I suppose that I survived because I saved a nest egg, my parachute back into the world when my partner decided to throw me out. Did they care that I would be destitute, not a bit. I think they thought it was just punishment for whatever supposed crime I had committed in their eyes.

So I am delighted that your partner is being reasonable and understanding for now, he sounds like a lovely man. But without sounding negative, start saving. Make getting a full time job your number one priority. Take anything to earn, then save, save and save some more. It saved my life.

Best wishes
xxx

 

Yay! Way to go!!!

 

Sounds like it's on the up. Good stuff.

 

maybe if you find yourself in a passionate affair with a strong woman she can help you make the move you truly want to make

 

I personally don't think cheating is a good idea. There is a lot of guilt that comes with it. I got permission from my husband and I still felt tremendous guilt about it.

 

It's ok a lot of people are in this situation and it can be the scariest and most frustrating place to be in, take it one day at a time and try to find ways to evolve into your true self with baby steps... Don't repress anything, it will only make things worst
Personally it took a trusted therapist and telling a few friends who are open minded, supportive and non-judgmental and romantic feeling towards a person (nothing happened though) to get me through.
Sending you supportive vibes

 

Thinking about things and acting on them are two different things. I'm not the type of person to cheat, but in my situation I have considered it (but haven't actually gone through with it). What you do is up to you, but think things through beforehand. If you were to have an affair with a woman, and he found out would he throw you out? I'm not trying to be a downer but from what you said about looking for work and not being able to move yet I would be careful. Are there any places near you to meet other people in the lgbt community? Or an lgbt support center? Maybe there are some resources that can help you find work and/or a place to go.

 

I'm sorry, hopefully something will work out for you soon. Until then, try to keep your head up. hugs