My parents live in a different state than me and so I only see them a few times a year. I see my mom more than my dad, because my dad still works. Lately, I've been struggling with figuring out who I am and accepting it. I've been told I might have internalized homophobia and that I should get help, if possible. However, I'm in college and all the money I make goes into the black hole of student debt. I'd like to come out to my parents in person, but I'd also like to be sure and at least 65% comfortable with myself. As I am now, I don't know any ways I can make progress without therapy or without telling a bunch of people, which I'm not comfortable with. I think that if I asked my parents to pay for counseling, they'd go for it, but I'd have to tell them why, which is the problem. My mom is going to be in my state in a few weeks, and I'm wondering if I should tell her I'm questioning and that I'd like counseling. I don't want her to tell my dad, but I think it would be difficult for her to deal with it without my dad. I also don't want her to lie to my dad, and I don't think she would, if I asked. To further complicate things, I have a sister that sometimes feels like the black sheep of the family. When I eventually tell her, I don't know how it'll make her feel that I've told one of our other sisters, our cousin, and our mom before I told her. I don't want to tell my sister because I know it's something that she'd have trouble with and/or something she'd decide that our mom should know without my permission. Advice?
If you don't think your mother will keep it a secret then unfortunately you have to choose between waiting to tell them both when you're ready for your father to hear it, or telling her with the acceptance that there's a good chance she'll tell him. Those are your two options, take your pick. As for your sister, well, it's not about her. She's going to react however she reacts, and you have no control over it.
I tend to agree with the previous poster, even though that doesn't help you much. Telling your mom only will put her in a very difficult position and I imagine she will find it very difficult to not tell your dad. Other than the fact that he works a lot and you see less of him, is there any other reason why you don't wish for your dad to know?
Out of my close family, I'm most worried about his reaction. He's not vocal about his beliefs, but he doesn't support gay marriage and has very little exposure to the LGBTQ world.
