Despite knowing that my family will be willing to be supportive (apart from a certain few, e.g. The Grandmother,) there is an entirely different fear I have about coming out. Throughout the information I have read, the most frequent advice is to constantly tell them "I still love you", "I'm still the same person" "I care about you" etc. Now this is something I cannot do. My mum is a single mother and has been since I was 6 (though the only memories I have of when my dad lived with us don't ever evidence any sort of mutual support between them. They were both either hostile toward each other or full-on arguing.) My mum has always been emotionally distant, yet simultaneously quite emotional. Both my older sister and I suspect that this may be the reason that us two are the only ones in our whole family who dislike having 'intimate' conversations with other family members about topics relating to 'emotions' and 'connecting as a family' etc. And neither of us have ever said, or can say "I love you" to any family member. We both find it repulsive. Although, my sister is much more open about her love life and a few other things than I am - in comparison, even when I assumed I was straight, I knew that I would be extremely private about my relationships. So coming out sounds terrifying in terms of the emotional support I'm expected to give and the emotional response I'm told I will have to witness, whether it's positive or negative. Does anyone else have this problem, and if yes, how did your 'coming out' go, if you have done so? Or does anyone else have any suggestions? Would writing it down in a letter or a card help? Thanks ---------- Post added 13th May 2016 at 01:34 AM ---------- Forgot to add, I'm not sure I will be telling my dad at all. He's a Jehova's Witness. He also barely knows a single thing about my life as I don't tell him anything due to never having felt any sort of father-daughter connection with him. So why should I tell him this? It seems like the only reason I would tell him would be to witness his reaction, which is pointless.
Hello!! When I was reading about the "not talking about/expressing feelings" stuff I thought you were describing my family. My parents are still married and I have a brother and a sister, our relationship is good but we just never say I love you or things like that. I don't know why, we just don't do it. Everything changed a bit when my brother and sister had their kids, we do tell them I love you and all. :eusa_clap Anyway, almost a year ago I decided (at 27) to come out. I've lived in different countries since a few years ago and at the end I started feeling I needed to tell them. So the moment arrived and I couldn't wait to visit them to make it... I decided to talk to my mom on Skype and then to write an e-mail to my siblings. I knew my mom would told my dad, but actually she couldn't help it and told my sister as well (I came out and told her at the same time that we were moving together to the other side of the Atlantic so it was quite a bomb!). My mum told me that they would have to accept it, and my siblings told me it was ok. We keep not talking about personal stuff and it is still difficult to talk about my gf but everything is fine. My advise is to come out when you feel like it and with families like ours, to try not to make a big deal of it. About the emotional support you are supposed to give and receive... This is a thing about you, so make it the way you are. We never know how things are going to be, so take it easy! You will learn to handle the situation. And if you ever need to talk, write me a pm! You can do it!
I feel you both, my family is very similar in how we dont ever talk about personal stuff or have intimate conversations. I dont think I will ever tell them, at least not my dad. we aren't close so its like whats the point. whatever you do I hope it works out for you.
My family is the same way, we almost never talk about serious or emotional subjects. When I came out as trans I wrote a letter to my parents. I think that would definitely help since you don't have to be there to deal with all the emotions, they can deal with it on their own and if they want, talk to you later when they have sorted through some things. Good luck!
