I had a good session today. I'd like to process and share. Background,I'm 31 and just working on coming out . I grew up in a rural area and in a conarvative Christian family. I hope to come out tomy family in 3 or 4 weeks, I have thought about actually Saying im not straight , responding to them , and ending the conversation. It started to occur to me that the conversation had mostly a beginning, an ending, and nothing in the middle but being reactionary. Is there anything else I want to say? I forget what my therapist said, but somehow she got me to see that the point of this conversation is not just to come out. I want to share this part of me with them because I care about them, I want a more genuine , honest relationship with them. I want their acceptance and their involvement in my life. I want that to the point that I am willing to risk our current surfacey, fake relationship and risk their rejection in order to have a shot at the real deal. I need to focus on that and not follow all the rabbit trails about having not met the right man yet or what the Bible says. Damn, I hope they don't reject and hate me.
I've been going through something similar. I WANT t come out, for the same reasons, but I don't really know how. Obviously I'll never know what exactly to say, as other than the beginning being some variation of "I'm bi" I can't predict exactly how the rest will go.... I'm worried about a similar reaction. I'm also from a rural area with Conservative Christian parents. I'm kinda expecting, "Well you just haven't found the right woman" or "It'll pass. You'll find a good woman, and you won't be into guys anymore." Or, probably worse, "Fine. Just date women though, or else...."
Gazelle, do you live with your parents? I guess im expecting them to say those things, especially if I choose to identify as bi, and since my capacity for dudes is so narrow, I'd rather not get into the nitty gritty of that. I'd rather just say I'm gay. It's not my job to prove my sexuality to them, I don't think, though. Maybe I could say, like.... regardless of who I date in the future, I want to share it with you and be open with you because I love you and our relationship is important to me. I want to be able to tell the truth about who I like and about my relationships and be honest with you. Dating men, even good men, really has not worked for me, and I know that I fall in love with women and can see myself with a woman long term.
I do, for now. Could be a while before I can get out though, as I can't seem to find a decent job, and I'm trying to finally go to college. That seems like it would be a good place to start. I definitely think "Lesbian but flexible" isn't the best identifier. I think you'd be best to stick with just Lesbian or Gay. I'm tempted to say I'm gay, just to avoid those things, but that's a lie too. The problem is I can see myself with either sex long term, and I don't think that would be easy for them to understand. But hey, at least we both know someone else who has the same problem!:badgrin:
