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I feel conflicted..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Loppox, May 13, 2016.

  1. Loppox

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    Okay so have any one of you guys experienced the same?

    What I am about to write is about the lesbian/(bisexual) label and more specific the femme lesbian/(bisexual) label and how that is perceived.

    I have to say I live in a privileged country, but there is still a fair amount of sexism around here. This sexism is being ignored or shoved to the background and I'm sure there will be a third wave of feminism in this country while I am alive.

    I am a feminine woman

    and let's say I consider myself a lesbian/gay woman.

    Lesbians are often considered to be 'man-haters', while that's actually (or at least in my case) not true. I don't hate men, but I do hate sexism.

    When I want to make a point about sexism, but at the same time am presenting myself as a lesbian, I have the feeling I belong the group of the so called 'Political lesbians'.

    Especially because I am feminine, because feminine lesbians aren't considered 'real' lesbians because we have no masculine traits and therefore can't like women. (Please take note: I don't want to rule out the lesbians who consider themselves fairly masculine or androgyne and who are also not considered real or just a part of the political lesbians. It's stating facts I observe from my surroundings: They think only masculine/androgyne women are real 'lesbians')

    I feel very conflicted about this, because I don't want to support 'Political lesbians'. They support the idea that sexuality is a choice (as far as I know), which is a thought I do not want to encourage.

    I feel like, if I want to make a statement about sexism, I should like guys. I should identify as a heterosexual.
    Why? Because It makes my point come across better. People can't excuse me for being just a man-hater, a political lesbian so to say. They can't put me in that box, because I would still like guys in that way. So, they had to listen better, where my argument stems from. They won't even listen to me if I consider myself a lesbian and then continue to make a statement about sexism because it appearantly stems from 'personal negative experience' with men.

    At the same time I want to identify as a gay woman, because (for now) that's who I am.
    But I am doubting. Again.
    Not only about my own sexuality, but also about the label I am about to put on myself and which place it's gonna give me in this world.
    The arguments I make about sexism and feminism will be regarded differently if I consider myself to be hetero.

    I also do not want to identify as a lesbian right now, because I am still 18 and have yet a whole life ahead of me (If I don't die in the mean time).
    Because what If I do end up with a man?
    No big deal really. That's what it is then.
    But if I have identified as a femme lesbians and end up with a man... That will only give more fuel to the idea of the 'Political lesbian' and the idea that feminine lesbians are not real lesbians.

    I don't want that.


    Have any of you guys thought about these kinds of things? What's your opinion on them and how do you present yourself to the world regarding this matter?
     
    #1 Loppox, May 13, 2016
    Last edited: May 13, 2016
  2. Loppox

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    I meant to say: 'Real' lesbians in the part of masculine woman etc etc.
    And statement instead of argument hahah

    I can't write for shit when tired, I'm sorry lol.

    I don't want to offend anyone haha :slight_smile:

    Thanks for reading I forgot to say as well.
     
    #2 Loppox, May 13, 2016
    Last edited: May 13, 2016
  3. Secrets5

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    Political lesbianism [also known as lesbian separatism] started in the 1960s when straight women chose to be in homosexual relationships with another woman to get away from the man.

    A homosexual woman in a homosexual relationship with another woman is not ''political'' - it's sexuality, which is not a choice.

    A heterosexual woman in a heterosexual relationship with a man could be a man hater (in other words) ''sleeping with the enemy''.

    So your views on feminism and your sexuality are really two different things. I know some sexuality and gender identity topics have blended into feminism for relatable issues, but at its core it is two different things.

    I mean, the people who say ''feminine lesbians aren't real lesbians'' are really just being sexist and/or stereotypical to be honest. Expression and sexuality are very different things. I've heard of a lot of gay men engaging in feminine marketed toys in childhood but not sure if they're interlinked or something else.
     
  4. Loppox

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    I know this, but it's not the point I was trying to make. It was more like that Labels give our social construct and comminucation certain flaws which we can't avoid.
    Like you said, at it's core they are seperate, but it's not how they are stereotypical seen. This gives you flaws in comminucation with or bringing a point across to other people.

    It was more a question on how to deal with those flaws and what way to present yourself is, in your opinion, the best way.


    (Was this understandable? haha :') )

    Thanks for reacting, have a nice day/evening :grin:
     
    #4 Loppox, May 13, 2016
    Last edited: May 13, 2016
  5. Secrets5

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    In this society? Wear a large badge that says ''I love women but I don't hate men'' or something like that.

    In a rational society? Write an essay [doesn't need to be long, just until you've made your point and is easy for you to remember] and whenever someone brings up what they are saying you can explain to them that it isn't like that.

    Wasn't it Emma Watson or Anne Hathaway who said ''Love is not a political statement'' - that's quite short and from a celebrity [which in this society people seem to listen to more].
     
  6. Loppox

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    eayyyy those are nice tips. Yea I recall one of the two saying such a thing.

    Hah, I think my writings about this was yet again another excuse to not come out. To convince myself in this really complex way that coming out is not the best option because blah blah (the above)

    Still convincing myself I have to be hetero. I hate bargaining stage..

    Thanks for reacting :slight_smile: